The Darkst Shade of White
by PaddyChan
Summary: Having nothing but each other, a girl without memory and a Fellbeast freed out of slavery begin their journey in the era of spreading darkness in Middle-earth. A search for freedom and a crusade against orcs lurking in the shadows. But at some point, every journey will come to an end - and this one seems to find it in the dungeons of the great Elvenking in Mirkwood. (ThranduilxOC)
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

As she woke up, it was dark. Total darkness surrounded her and she groaned. It hurt… Everything hurt, pain eating away every part of her body.

The darkness above her moved and she blinked. At last the blackness faded and she gasped. This was not night or its blackness, it was something different… sails? Did someone pull sails above her head? But why on earth should someone do something like that?

The wall behind her moved; a scream escaped her as she flinched.

 _Fear._ What? Who… Who?! _There was no fear of death, why is there fear now?_

The mass behind her moved away now and a creature rose, which could only be have been escaped out of a nightmare. A head on a long neck watched her from above, teeth bared and too long for its jaws, so the mouth seemed snarling even when closed. Yellow eyes stared down at her, the pupils slit and watching her intensely. What she thought as sails turned out to be wings. Giant black wings, on their edges already torn by all the swings they had taken. Automatically she tremored back. But she would not break, there was nothing that could break her. Not even this nightmare creature.

She swallowed but straightened her back. She wouldn't bow! She wouldn't break! „I am not afraid of you!", she snarled.

 _Yes… No fear… Forgot?_ The voice was dark, torn and now she realized it was actually this awful beast, whose voice she was hearing.

„What… How?", she moaned, her hands clawing into her messy hair. „I don't understand."

 _Forgot?,_ the voice asked and a screech came out of the beast's mouth. _Did forget?_

She covered her ears, groaning, as the sound made her their drums ache. „I don't know…", she mumbled. „What happened? How did I… Where am I?" The monster was silent for a while and stared down to her from its dark yellow eyes, as she painfully got up but only to fall down on her knees again. She tried a second time, but now the beast's head moved towards her. She flinched back before she understood and finally she reached for it to steady herself. Fowl breath blew in her face, as she carefully did a few steps.

 _Show?_ The dark, twisted voice cut its way into her awareness again. _Show what was?_

She swallowed the lump in her throat. „I… I forgot something, didn't I?"

 _Forgot_ , the winged beast confirmed again and stared down to her with its relentless eyes.

„So… Can you show me? What I forgot?"


	2. Chapter 1 - A life without beginning

**_I will not bow_ **

_**I will not break**_

 _ **I will shut the world away**_

 _ **I will not fall**_

 _ **I will not fade**_

 _ **I will take your breath away.**_

\- Breaking Benjamin, I Will Not Bow

* * *

 _The world was grey. No colour, no life, as it glided through the sky. On its back enthroned the Master, Gormlaith. There were nine of his kin, but this one was the only who resided in Mordor in these times, waiting for the return of The One._

 _Icy coldness ripped through its mind and its wings swung faster. Whenever Master ordered it had to obey, otherwise pain awaited. That's how it always had been, ever since the Nazgûl decided to fly, instead of crossing the lands on horseback. But not even those ghostlike creatures had a will of their own, all they did was following the orders of The One, who waited in darkness._

 _It screeched as Master gave another order in its mind. He could have spoken but preferred not to verbalise his orders aloud. Submissively it glided to the ground._

 _"_ _Who are you?" The voice of Gormlaith made itself almost twitch back, even though it served this Nazgûl for so many years now. In front of it in the dust lay a small figure, which it identified as human. Human… They were outside the borders, many of them, enough to eat itself full. But not inside. There were no humans in these borders._

 _Human got up clumsily and almost sank back down as her eyes met its Master. But human stayed, even though the whole body shuddered. "Rai", said Human trembling and gulped. "I am Rai."_

 _On order of the Master it stepped nearer. It did not like crawling on the ground and Gormlaith knew… But he did not care, it did not matter. "How did you get into Mordor?", the Ringghost hissed and Human swallowed but did not step back. Stupid Human Rai._

 _"_ _Mordor?", Human murmured, before she seemed to perceive something and her eyes went wide. "Mordor!" The wheeze sounded terrified and it felt how Masters patience ran thin -he did not have a lot of that to begin with. It always got to feel this, if it did not obey fast enough for Masters liking._

 _It lowered its head so Gormlaith could downswing and it knew what he was up to. If Human did not answer the question asked, Master would simply get the answers right out of her mind… And then another meal awaited it._

 _"_ _I don't know." Humans hands held the head, the fingers almost clawed into the raven black hair. "This is wrong, I…This cannot true!"_

 _Master's right hand gripped the head below and Human became stiff. It knew Gormlaith was searching for the answers he wanted in the other's mind. "Bow", he sneered and Human groaned in pain. "I don't know!"_

 _But Master did not believe that. His grip got tighter and within a few seconds the dark hair in his hands lost all of its colour. They got white, just like snow on the mountains that he flew over. It rarely saw White, his Master hated the bright glow. Gormlaith bowed down angrily, to be able to read Human's mind._

 _And then everything was a blow. Before it could even think about interfering, Human got past the few centimetres of separation to Masters face and just now it noticed the little blade between the fingers. Master couldn't react fast enough as she stabbed twice, both times in what once was Masters face. It knew, no man could kill a Nazgûl. Human was no man but the other thing. It was called Woman he thought. Could Woman kill Master?_

 _A disgusting screech rang out and a sound like sucked up air. What was that? What happened with Gormalith?_

 _Heavy breathing, Human -Woman- cowered on the dusty ground, tears running down the dirty cheeks and the little body was trembling. It stepped closer and got above her -that was the right title it thought but it again was not sure. "I will not bow", she panted. "Never again." In her hand was something it would have recognised as a switchblade, if this word was common to it._

 _With a last scream Master vanished and it blinked. Master… Gormlaith was gone. What was it supposed to do now? It did not have an order to eat. It did not have an order to attack. Everything just happened too quickly._

 _Stunned both of them stared to the point, on that Gormlaith had stood just a few moments ago. Finally, Woman sunk back to the ground. Apparently her legs had given out. It let sound a screeching scream and crawled nearer. It did not like crouching down on earth… Woman's eyes met its and she did something that might be a smile, it was not sure._

 _"_ _Now we're both sitting on the ground, you and me." It screeched at her. Who did Woman think she was? It belonged to the sky, letting terror and fear rain down on the enemies! Woman made a face at the sound but did not move back. Instead she watched it. "I won't bow. Never! But if you decide to kill me now, you'll be a prisoner once again", she stated. "Others will take you. But maybe… Maybe we could fly together, you and I. Bowing to nobody but ourselves. Being free, truly free." Woman looked at it with something that might be hope but it wasn't sure. Did not know that feeling itself. But the sound was… nice. Freedom… Don't bow. Flying, flying till the sky ended and the lands faded into nothing. And Gormlaith wasn't there, he couldn't command._

 _While it was thinking, Woman picked something of the ground. A single ring with a dark stone on top. She looked at the metal frowning and it knew this ring meant Gormlaith would not return. No man could kill him… But Woman did. This took it by surprise._

 _Finally, she looked up again and it perceived, she was sitting in the dirt of Mordor only for its sake. It was cowering on the ground and thus Woman did not get up either. It blinked again and then moved forward, the ground grumbling under its weight. Woman did not twitch back as it raised itself as high as possible. Never bow again. It stepped closer and lowered the head to help her getting up. Without thinking she slid the jewellery on her ring finger to be able to pull herself up with both hands._

 _It did not even take her a second to notice her fatal mistake but it was too late. Her attempt to pull the ring of her finger failed and it knew what would be happening now. But to its surprise she did not knuckle down, she did not break to The One. Instead she clawed her nails through the skin of her arms until they bled. And instead of giving in she turned her face towards the dark sky and cried in pure agony. It could truly imagine which ways The One used to torture her soul. Nine rings under Him… And then she slipped to the ground,_

 _It thought she would bow but she did not. She refused to break, did not give in… But if they stayed here it wouldn't be long until they would be found. The One's henchmen had to be on their way already, even though this was one of the most outside parts of Mordor._

 _Carefully it gripped the limb woman with its claws. It could not do it in a soft way, ths body was not made to be gentle, but it tried its best. And then it swung itself up, dust swirled around them. They had to leave Mordor, pass the mountains before they would be seen… Because if they were caught all their dreams of freedom would be in vain._

 _xXx_

"So you… saved me?"

 _Saved me… Saved you. Flew_ , the strained voice answered and a tiny smile appeared on her pale lips.

"Thanks."

 _Tha…nks?_

"That's what you say if you're grateful. If somebody did something good for you, you thank him."

 _Good… Am not good._

Both of them remained silent for a while, before the young woman sighed. "So I'm not from Mordor", she noticed. "Any idea where I might be from?"

 _Not Mordor_ , the dragon like creature confirmed but did not have an answer for her second question as well. It had no idea how she could have showed up at Mordor's borders.

"Rai." She pronounced the word slowly as in hope to get any answers with it. But it was useless and she shook her head. "The name doesn't ring a bell." She looked up. "Do you have a name?"

 _No._

"You'll need one then." She nodded forcefully and the chest long white hair flew in the movement back and forth. "If I have a name, you also need one. Names are important." Where she knew this from she could not say but she was sure it was this way. A name was important. But she had not even known her own, how should she name a completely foreign being?

"Leo!" Where did this come from? "There's a story of a slave who pulls a thorn out of a lion's paw and because of that the lion doesn't eat him later on." Just like she saved the beast from its Master and they fled out of Mordor. But where? Where did she know this from? "You didn't eat me… and Leo means lion."

 _Le…oh._ It seemed as if it was testing the word, pulling its syllables long before coming to a conclusion. _Leo._ He was no longer a slave, a nothing. Now he was Leo. Pride swelled up in him.

"Rai and Leo." Satisfied she nodded. "That's good, that's us. Now we've got names."

 _What now?_

Rai blinked. Now? That was a damn good question. "I've no idea", she confessed. "I think you know more than me anyway. But… I'm thirsty." And as if to remind her of its existence, her stomach grumbled.

Leo bowed down.

 _Water? Want water?_

"That'd be nice", she answered and almost laughed as he threw her a disgusted look. Water… gross. But he knew humans needed water even though he detested it. Rai was human, Rai needed water. And food.

He wondered if Orks would taste to her as good as they did to him.


	3. Chapter 2 - He, She, It

Thank you so much for your support and the reviews you wrote :)

I'm totally proud you like this not so ordinary idea and I hope I'll be able to fulfil your expectations. Also thank you so much for your encouraging words. Please note: English is not my mother tongue but second language. I'm sorry for any mistakes you may notice, don't hesitate to tell me if you do.

Thanks goes to my Beta-reader Lisa who tries her very best so this story doesn't become a total mess.

* * *

 ** _The present can't be enjoyed without being understood and can't be understood without knowing the past._**

\- Siegmund Freud, Psychoanalysis

xXx

Two eyes, a nose, a mouth. The eyes were strange, they didn't seem to fit in. Their colour was held in the darkest black, the irises almost seemed to be one with the pupils. Actually dark hair belonged with such black eyes… And in the memories Leo shared with her, her hair had a dark brown colour, almost black. Oh her cheeks were little dots, she remembered they were called freckles. She didn't like freckles but she was so pale they were only noticeable within a small distance in her face.

The chest long white hair was straight but still somehow… messy. In her lower lip stuck something, a little ring was on its left side. A piercing. It was called piercing. Carefully she touched it. Did it have a meaning? Was it of any importance?

Her right arm was decorated, there were drawings on it with colours which did not wash off. It seemed they were drawn inside her skin. She could not remember what this art was called. There was a clock, a mirror, a feather, a lion… Somehow everything blended in another. She carefully traced the lion's teeth until she reached the sleeve of her shirt. It was black, as were her boots and the leatherjacket she wore. Next to her lay a large bag but she didn't have time yet to work her way through all the stuff inside.

On her right's hand fourth finger stuck something that she guessed was once the ring, Leo's Master had worn. She had tried to take it off more than once but it just did not work. The metal seemed to have melted on her skin and as much as she tried she always failed to remove it. Leo told her, it was due to the jewel's effect she could talk to him. But it also seemed it was its fault she could not remember everything before her blackout took place.

Finally, she got up with a sigh. Staring into the water would not erase her amnesia, neither do anything else even remotely useful. Apparently, Leo did not like the river, he was staying only for her sake… Well, actually right now she was alone. He took up, looking for food and asked her to stay here. So she took a few steps before getting down again and stretching in the grass. The afternoon sun warmed her skin, she felt terribly cold but the warmth felt nice.

Hollow swings announced Leo's return and she stood up. She was hungry but many fails showed that fishing was definitely not her strength. She tried to catch some fish after Leo made his way but in result she slipped and fell into the water. Now she was drenched and her pants, that were tight anyway, clung to her legs.

Leo got down next to her and let something fall out of his claws. With a heavy impact a body fell down to the ground and the winged beast landed by her side. It was not nearly as bad as the moments Gormlaith ordered him down to earth…

"Uh… Leo? What's this?" Carefully she stepped closer. Whatever he brought her had two arms and two legs. But that was pretty much the only thing she could recognize because the whole body was hidden inside a heavy metal armour… except the head. And that was certainly the most disgusting thing she had ever seen in her life. Well at least as far as she could remember. The face was torn in an abnormal way, the nose only consisting of two holes located somewhere between the yellow and much too long teeth and the too big, fishlike eyes. The skin was in a greyish brown. Pure disgust filled her as she starred at the creature.

 _Ork_ , Leo answered. _Eat._

Her mouth fell open and she did not know whether to stare at this Orc-thing or Leo. In the end she decided to throw her friend a shocked look. "I'm supposed to… eat that?"

 _Orc. Orc good. Elf better… But no elf there_.

"This is an Orc?", she asked and as Leo confirmed this she swallowed. "I can't eat that", she said. "It's really nice but…" Her eyes flashed back to the apparently dead creature. Everything about it repelled her. "I… I think I eat different things than you. I tried to catch a fish but as you can see it did not work out." She looked down at her clothes, unhappily, and Leo screeched disgusted. He _really_ did not like water.

Rai looked up and sighed. "I guess I'm just useless", the judged rather hard to herself.

 _Me eat?_ , Leo asked and she blinked. He went through all that trouble of getting something to eat and she refused it… Damn, she felt bad. "Uh… If you want it…"

xxx

The splitter of metal was an awful sound and she shuddered when Leo bit the body into two. Just like this, as if the black armour was made out of paper instead metal. And the body under it did not consist out of flesh and bones.

To distract herself she dug into the insides of her bag. Maybe she would find anything useful, something about her past -or in the best case food.

The first thing falling to the ground were two books and she picked up the first one. 'Logical Investigations ', was written on the cover. Some person named Edmund Husserl seemed to have written it but that name did not ring a bell. At least not any longer since it was obvious the book head been read. The second one was 'Being and Time' by Martin Heidegger but it was not of any help either, even though the book was scratched and some pages ripped. It had definitely been read and some little notes were written on the sides. With a sigh she put the books aside. She would try to read them later, maybe it would help a little.

The next things were a few pencils and a small bag with some paper notes on it, five, ten and one that said twenty. Two papercards but nothing that was written on them made any sense (at least not to her) and a small card which contained a picture of herself with dark hair and some data. Rai Carrington, born the 12th of November. Also a few notes, for example being born in a place named Hampshire. Carefully she put the card back. Whatever it said, it was about her and her origin.

Besides this she found a bottle which was almost empty, a few keys, a lighter and a knife that could be snapped in and out. The blade was as long as her hand, half as wide and apparently the weapon she killed Gormlaith with. These were the last items she found, the bag was now empty. She was not sure what she had expected but not this.

 _No good?_

Rai sighed. "I've no idea", she confessed but drew back when Leo came closer. "You smell", she complained and the beast seemed to roll its eyes. _Orc smells._

Her stomach growled again and she pulled a face, before another idea came up. She looked around. "Hey Leo. Can you snap that branch?"

With a single snap the beast bit of a branch, half as thick as her arm and watched her curiously. She let the knife spring out and started sharpening the tip. It could not be that difficult to forge a spear… or a fire.

xxx

"I'm so happy."

 _Fell in water, stick in foot, finger burned_ , Leo reminded and she slapped him half-heartedly. Yes, she had tried to catch a fish with her self-made spear. And yes, she fell into the river while trying. Twice. And when finally a fish appeared, she somehow managed to stick the spear in her own foot instead of the prey. And when she made a fire, she somehow burned her thump. But in the end she caught three fish. She even remembered taking out the guts, even though this wasn't a pleasant experience at all. Now two of the fish roasted above he fire while she took a bite out of the remaining. It did not taste for much since she had no spices to add but she couldn't care less. If was something to eat and it was no Orc.

Leo sidestepped the slap he probably would not even have noticed effortlessly. _Go away. Wet._

Rai grinned. "Shudder in fear for I am the Mistress of wet water!"

He let out a shrill sound, which seemed to be his version of a laugh and she pulled back. Now she laughed, too, and fell down gasping when his absolutely not pleasurable breath flew in her face. "Oh, God!" She groaned as his heavy head lay on her chest and pinned her to the ground. "I surrender", she laughed. "I surrender, Oh Leo, Lord of everything smelly!"

He blinked. Never before someone had called him something like that. It sounded funny. A small hand patted his jaw and he lifted his head. She got up and leaned against him to watch the flickering fire.

"Where are we going anyway?", she asked at some point and he snuffled. To be honest he had no idea either. _West_ , he finally answered. _Away from Mordor._

She nodded. This seemed like a good plan. Mordor was not a nice place… But where were they anyway?

 _Gondor. Humanland._

Gondor? She was a human but that was not helpful at all. Frustrated she threw some branches into the fire. "I don't know anything", she said. "If Gondor is Humanland, shouldn't I be from there?"

 _No. No way to Mordor. Were just there, not from Gondor._

Okay so it was not Gondor -whatever Gondor was exactly. She sighed heavily before giving a lopsided smile. "At least I've got you. I'm not alone."

 _Not alone_ , he confirmed and she closed her eyes. Her right hand hurt and she moved her fingers a little to help their stiffness. Maybe some sleep would be of any help? She was not actually tired but still felt weary somehow.

xxx

When she woke up, the fire was still burning but it was bigger than before. Leo had added some wood but the pieces and branches he used were way bigger than hers. She stretched and stood up to splash some water in her face to wash off the sleep. At least she did not fall back into the river, she noticed drily and refilled the bottle. It was a good thing she found it in her bag.

Behind her Leo stretched, too, and lay down to the ground with his wings spread to let the sun warm his spiked back. He copied this from her, obviously, but she had been laying on her back. Rai laughed. "You look like a too large bat."

Leo wheezed. _Human small like too pretty dwarf._

She chuckled and crawled on his back. The spikes on it were sharp and long but they were wide enough away from each other for her to sit comfortably between them. She thought for a moment before hanging her bag on the spike right in front of her and laughed. She also grabbed the wooden spear as it was pretty useful to catch some slippery fish.

"On to the West?", she asked and Leo approved before he swung himself in the air.


	4. Chapter 3 - The art of war

Thank you for every single one of your reviews :)

Since someone (I'm sorry I don't know which one of you it was excatly) asked: Yes, I will answer to each and every one of them. I am utterly happy for every review I get and it goes without saying that I'll at least try to answer to them.

But since I'm a little clueless on the next subject I need to ask: Is it Elf or elf, Orc or orc, Dwarf or dwarf? I tried to look it up but I just couldn't find a proper answer whether I need to write in capitals whenever I refer to one of the races in Middle-earth. I decided not to but I really don't know about that.

Nevertheless: I welcome you to chapter 3. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did.

* * *

 _ **If you think you are too small to have any effect in this world, you never went to bed with a mosquito in your room.**_

\- Anita Roddick

xXx

With a slow, almost lazy swing Leo moved through the sky. Rai had climbed between the spikes on his back and now she was sitting directly behind his head. Her laughable question whether she was too heavy was answered with a huffed No, even though the fact that someone actually cared for him left a strange feeling in his chest. Gormlaith never asked anything like that… and he was way heavier than Rai who consisted of nothing but a few bones and some pale skin.

A few more minutes passed but then a single scream cut through the morning's air. He knew that sound for it sprout from despair and death.

"What's happening?", Rai asked and reached for the switch-blade she bound to her belt.

 _Orcs_ , he answered. _Kill men, burn houses. War._ He drifted aside to fly around the fight-scene but apparently Rai thought different. "We can't let them die!"

 _Why?_

"They're humans! It's not right!"

 _Right…_ He didn't know how to deal with that word, at least not in this context.

"Exactly! I can't help them, I can't fight! But you can! Please, Leo! We just can't let them die!" Especially not through the hands of these orcs, the creatures whose pure form disgusted her.

One more second passed. _Hold on. Don't fall._ With these words he shot down while Rai steadied herself. With a piercing scream that made her ears hurt, he caught himself just a few meters above the ground. In surprise the small group of orcs -no more than a dozen- looked up in the sky. But before any of them could ask what a Nazgûl was up to in this forlorn area, his claws closed around four of them and threw their shattered bodies to the ground. His head lowered and in between two swings of his wings, his jaw shut around two other orcs. Metal crushed and Leo dashed the lifeless bodies aside as he gained height again. Out of the twelve orcs, no more than five were alive now and Rai blinked stunned. Within a few seconds he had killed seven of these creatures without even stopping in flight.

The orcs that were still alive starred disbelievingly into the sky from where the black beast neared again and screamed at them with its shrill voice. The Nazgûl stood under order of The One! Why did their beast attack them now?

"Go back to whatever hole you came from!", Rai jangled angrily and Leo screamed approvingly before crushing another orc between his jaws. Only now they pulled themselves together to form a defence but it was useless. There were only four of them left.

A screech made her turn around. It hailed from the building she thought was a barn. Apparently the whole area was a large farmyard. The buildings were pretty, she noticed, not only build for their use but also aesthetic, on some parts almost elegant. The owners had put a large amount of money in this place for sure.

But now she had to worry about something else. The scream she had heard was probably a child's and without overthinking she jumped from Leo's back, who had landed in the meantime. She ran towards the open gate, while Leo got into the way of the orcs and herself before mauling the poor creatures.

Meanwhile Rai ran into the barn. It was quite dark between the walls but she could still see how a warrior stepped towards a small figure that pressed itself at the last wall of the building.

"Hey!" The world was out before she could overthink it and the predator turned around. To her surprise it was not orc but a man with an unbelievingly ugly armour. A mercenary maybe? A disgusting grin spread above his face and she knew what he saw. A young woman, not fully grown yet, who was hardly any more of a threat than the child cowering at the wall.

He licked his lips, which skin had sprung open and Rai twitched back as she understood. Men. His eyes wandered on her frame and a grin spread on his face as he noticed her collar on which a button got lose. Apparently he had no idea yet of his comrades' death.

"Leave the child alone and you can have me." Somehow she had to lure him out of the barn, then Leo could deal with him. Just out of the door, just a few feet… However, the man thought different. "Who says I need to spare the child?", he grinned (at least she thought it was a grin) and Rai stayed quiet for a moment. _Think. Think. Think!_

"Just ignore him", she answered finally with calm that surprised even herself and traced with a finger the line of her collar before she peeked up to him. "If some child is more important to you I guess I can leave."

She knew her cleavage was nothing extraordinary, maybe not even average but it didn't matter. They were breasts… And if a woman had one trump it was breasts.

The warrior stepped closer and compared to him Leo's breath smelled like heaven. She suppressed a disgusted shudder and stepped closer as she bit her lower lip. "I never told anyone but… I always wanted with one of you…" His dismissing laugh made her almost -almost!- flinch but she waited. If she screwed up now she would die and somehow his knowledge made even more adrenaline rush through her veins. His big hands grabbed her shoulders and he stepped closer. She smiled. "Fuck", she breathed, "You!" And with this she let her blade switch open and rammed it in one swift movement between his legs. Groaning the soldier sank to the ground. "Who…re!", he spat and she snorted. "Fucker." With these words the blade shot forwards again, this time right between the metal plates that covered his chest. Blood trickled down and flow on her hand and she pulled back the knife disgusted. Then she stepped back in case the guy on the floor was still alive.

"Are you okay?", she asked carefully and made a face as she pulled her collar back up again and shook the blood off her weapon.

"O…kay?", the boy gasped and she nodded. "You know… Are you fine?"

The child, he could not be older than ten years, nodded -probably still in shock, Rai noticed. But a scream let her turn around and she ran out of the barn. For one second the boy hesitated, then he sprinted after her. Apparently he had no intention of staying alone with the (hopefully) dead man.

As soon as Rai left the barn she saw the problem. A man, armed with a sword that clearly had seen better days was standing in front of a woman with a pitchfork. Another boy who seemed to be a few years older was standing next to them with a scythe in his hands… And on the other side stood Leo and stared at the family with his yellow eyes. He was waiting but she knew he would attack them as soon as the family would come to any stupid ideas.

"Leo!", she called and ran towards the winged beast. "Are you hurt?"

He blinked. _Hurt?_ Another question Gormaith had never asked. _Not hurt. You hurt?_

She shook her head and turned around. Meanwhile the child ran to his father -at least she guessed the man with the sword was the father. "She killed him! She killed the leader!", he called and Rai really hoped he had failed to notice how exactly she managed to do that. The eyes of the elder one of the two sons shot in her direction. "Uhm… The orcs are gone. So maybe you could put away that stuff?", she asked and pointed at the family's questionable weapons.

Leo screamed affirmative and she sighed. "That wasn't helpful at all."

 _Danger._

"No danger", she soothed. "The guy's got a sword he can butter bread with but that's it. And the pitchfork has crooked tines."

A few seconds passed then Leo straightened himself and screeched at the family one last time. If they came closer, he would devour them. Human didn't taste as good as elf or orc but that didn't mean he would spare them. But if Rai said it was okay he believed her… Nevertheless, this did not mean he could not change his opinion.

"You can talk to the monster?" It was the older son who asked and Rai blinked once before frowning. "Leo", she clarified. "His name is Leo." A feeling he did not know crawled up in the winged beast. Was it joy? He was not sure how it was called but it felt positive.

Some moments passed endlessly, then the man put his sword back. The woman, apparently the children's mother, let the pitchfork fall to the ground. As if she just noticed now that her child was back she threw her arms around the younger boy and checked up on him. "Mirak! Are you well? Nothing hurt?"

"What were the orcs up to?", the whitehaired asked finally.

"Orcs don't have a goal", the man answered and hugged his son. "They only want to bring destruction and death."

"Disgusting creatures", Rai growled and behind her Leo bared his teeth. "What are you going to do with the bodies?"

The father shrugged. "I guess we'll have to burn them", he answered and pulled his son closer when he wanted to struggle free. "What's your name?" She blinked. "Rai", she answered. "At least I think so."

"You think so?", the older son asked baffled and she put a white stand of hair behind her ear. "I think so", she confirmed. "I woke up in…" _Don't say!_ "In the middle of nowhere", she went on and did not show any signs that Leo thought mentioning Mordor was a bad idea. "Leo found me. Without him I'd probably be dead." Lovingly she caressed the beast's nostrils. "I couldn't remember anything and he was all alone." At least after she had killed Gormlaith. "We're both a little lost I think", she laughed.

"The monster obeys to you?", the boy asked with big eyes and Rai's pupils narrowed. "He's my friend, not my slave", she gave back, maybe a little too sharp, before she sighed. "Actually we're on the way north. But then we've seen the orcs."

"There's almost no one left in Ithilien", the father explained. "My grand grandfather built this farm together with an elf whose friendship he gained. But the east grows darker each day and many went away… but we'll stay. I cannot let the farm fall into disrepair!" There was this word again. Elf. What by all means was an elf? "Sadly I am no warrior and this sword counts more years than myself."

Thoughtful Rai bit her lower lip before turning to Leo. "Any ideas?"

 _Escape or death._

She sighed. "Maybe something else? Anything that could keep the orcs off?"

He kept silent for a while. _Shadow has to give way to light. We have no light. But darkness devours shadow. Shadow fears darkness._

"Sometimes you really talk in riddles", she murmured but the pictures Leo shared with her in their minds showed what he meant. They simply had to take care no orc would ever dare to come over to this place ever again. Make cruel shrink away with even greater cruel even through the threat would be an empty one. Orcs were afraid of the Nazgûl; she knew that much. Afraid of them and their winged beasts.

"You're a misjudged genius!"

"What? What did it say?", the child asked excited and Rai smirked at that much enthusiasm. "We have to scare them. If they're just afraid enough they'll never dare to come here."

"Orcs aren't afraid of anything", the older boy answered bitterly but Rai just grinned. "And that's where you're wrong."

She pointed at the big gate out of stone that stood a few hundred meters away and marked the beginning of the farm's yards. "We'll make sure they will never dare to cross that gate!"

Leo's claws closed around some of the dead orcs as he took off and let the bodies fall down next to the symbolic entrance to the farm. After that he returned and grabbed with his left claw two more orcs that he let fall down right above the gate. The decorative spikes and ornaments impaled their armour and the bodies underneath. Black blood dropped down.

When Leo took the last four of the orcs, Rai swung himself on one of his claws to get a ride. His jaw crushed two of the dead bodies, ripped them into pieces and he devoured the legs of one of his victims. Another one he crushed with his weight and with a crunch he split an upper body. Metal burst and the bones beneath gave out. Finally, Rai climbed on his head to write an unmistakeable message on the once white stone of the archway with black blood.

 _Disobedience is not tolerated!_

The massacre left her with a strange feeling of satisfaction and the smashed and ripped bodies made her grin. "They shouldn't cross us."

Leo's approving scream cut through her ears. Whoever passed here would get the massage: These yards were off limits, they belonged to one of the Nazgûl. And who dared to enter it had to face the consequences.

They had no light to fight evil but that did not matter if one was just scary enough.


	5. Chapter 4 - The ultimate weapon

As promised: I didn't need that long this time :)

I'm even finished translating chapters 5 and 6 but I'll have to make some corrections and have them Beta-read before uploading.

* * *

 _ **A thimble wisdom is way better than a barrel full of muscles.**_

\- Old Shatterhand

xXx

"So you really want to leave?"

Rai smiled. "I think I outstayed my welcome. Besides Leo's hungry."

Jhoana -the family's mother- shuddered as the beast, which was still lurking in their yards, was named. "Two days are rarely enough of gratitude for saving my son", she answered. Two days and nights the whitehaired girl had stayed with the farmer's family, thankfully accepted their hospitality. She had come to know this homestead was one of the last remaining ones on a land called Ithilien which once was a blooming landscape in between Mordor and Gondor. But since the east got darker and threatening, many people fled and this family was one of the last remaining. Her amnesia did not make it any easier to follow the explanations.

But now it was enough. She was uneasy, Leo was uneasy. Both of them wanted to go on. She had enough of all those pitiful glances whenever she failed on trivial matters, did not know what was supposed to go without saying and above all the disgust they watched Leo with. He had defended them, they had no right to look down to him!

"Thanks to you I've got enough supplies for at least three days and a new dress" -which she was probably never going to wear since she hated dresses but Johana would not have a No because apparently, that was decent- "And a warm blanket" She seriously could not ask for more but she had no need for it either. She had no intention of putting any burden on herself.

"Whenever you're in need of a warm bed or a meal you are always welcome." Hafdir, the family's father, stepped next to his wife and Rai smiled. "Thank you. I'm glad about it."

The two sons came to bit her farewell and Mirak watched her with those big eyes only children have. "When I grow up I want to be as brave as you!"

The whitehaired gave a crocked grin and tousled the boy's locks. "No you don't. It's nothing but trouble." Then she pulled her mane back into a messy bun and blew a stubborn strand out of her eyes. "Are you done?", she called across the yard and a screeching scream answered her. She swung her bag over her shoulder and blinked when she stepped into the sunlight. Leo landed on the dusty ground and lowered his head so she could get on.

 _North?_

"North", she confirmed and waved one last goodbye to her host-family. With one powerful wing beat the beast got off the ground. They would cross Gondor and after that… well it would sort itself out. First they had to get away from Mordor as it was just too dangerous.

"Hey Leo?", she asked when the sun had passed its zenith.

 _Rai?_

"What is an elf actually?", she asked and stretched herself on his back. Her dorsal cracked like a little branch.

 _Elf… Elf is…_ Leo hesitated and seemed to be missing the words to describe it to her in a way she could actually understand. _Elf tastes good. Better than orc. Looks like human but taller. Stronger, faster. Elf is bright, much too bright. Light is disgusting._

Rai sighed. This explanation was everything but helpful but she knew Leo was not able to explain it any better. Anyways an elf was something like a human that was good to know.

A rumble below her made her flinch. "You should've said something way earlier!", she scolded the Fellbeast, but Leo grumbled. He had made it through longer periods of hunger this was not too bad. Just because his stomach growled she got worried. It was laughable. It was… nice. It felt good when she worried about him as if she really cared about him.

"Of course I care about you!" Did he think aloud? "We're friends, you and me!"

 _Friends…_ He knew that word but he never actually used it. It was unfamiliar.

"Are there orcs anywhere?", she asked then. "Can you see something?"

 _No orclands. Humanlands. Maybe mountains_ , he considered.

"These lands are beautiful", she said awestruck and looked down to the plains and the mountains enthroning at the horizon. Below them a river made its way through the landscape, its water glittering in the sunlight. She could not remember to have seen something this beautiful -but in her case that hardly was a challenge.

 _Warg_ , Leo said suddenly and her eyes shot forwards to the creature running through the grass. On its back sat a single orc.

"Are there others?"

 _No. One. Messenger._

A messenger? That meant he delivered information and whatever those were it couldn't be good. "Let's catch him!" Without further words Leo leaned forward and almost let himself fall downwards. A single orc was not nearly enough to fill his stomach… but he would not despise the warg. With a shriek his claws cut into the animal's side and threw the disgusting wolf aside. It tried to bite into the black claws but Leo didn't care as he crushed the body under his own weight.

The orc who had been tossed to the ground due to the impact got up and Leo opened his jaw to rip his prey into pieces.

"Wait!"

 _Why?_

"Where are you heading to?", she asked but the orc simply spat. "Traitor", it hissed but Leo was unimpressed of this worm's threats.

"What message are you having?", she asked but the ork pulled his ugly face into something that probably was supposed to be a grin. "The One will return", it coughed. "And then these lands will burn! And you will serve him… Just like everyone is going to serve him!" It grabbed an axe but before it could attack, a pair of adamant jaws ripped the rider into pieces. Slowly Rai got off her friend's back. The orc would not have said anything… But still…

A few minutes passed while Leo devoured the orc first before tearing the warg apart. Black blood dripped down between his teeth and Rai averted her eyes as she heard bones split.

"Leo", she said finally and looked at the Fellbeast seriously. "We need to talk."

 **xxXxx**

"Can you see them?"

 _No. They can't be far._

"Then get prepared. As soon as they're here we're starting."

With a few wing beats Leo disappeared behind the living stones. Rai pulled the neckline of he ripped dress and grinned. Breasts. There was nothing better than breasts if it was about catching some bastards. She was no fighter, she would never be one, but she was a devious little beast -at least that was what Leo used to say.

The leaves of the trees had already coloured, they shone in the most beautiful yellow and red shades. How many years had passed since she had first seen the colours of autumn in these lands? It had been a few weeks after the decision she and Leo made after they had taken care of the messenger in his warg.

 _She stared into the fire. She had asked Leo for a few minutes, because she had to think. There was so much he had told her, so much she had to consider. Automatically her eyes wandered to her right hand and the melted ring on her finger. It was one out of nine rings a man named Sauron had forged to enslave the kings of Middleearth -and apparently he succeeded. At least until she -rather with sheer luck and accident than anything else- had killed Gormlaith, one of the nine ringghosts. Apparently, the ring was the reason she could communicate with Leo in the first place._

 _Sauron had been defeated in the Battle of the Last Alliance in front of Mordors gates. This had happened more than one thousand years ago but he was regaining his power slowly… And whenever this happened he would conquer these lands and with it everyone who would dare to get into his way._

 _But she would not allow that. This lands were so amazing, so beautiful. And if, by any means, she was able to, she would protect it. She would not run away! She was not going to wait until one day this Sauron would be standing in front of her! She would not bow. She would fight!_

 _The glowing wood in the fire cracked and sparks flew into the night sky._

Rai supressed a sigh. How many years had passed since then… Thirteen if she counted correctly? Thirteen years… that was a long time to travel through Middle-earth without a home. Every now and then she visited the family that offered her a home, since they were the only people who she held contact with in all this time. She avoided villages, towns and their residents. Leo stayed far away whenever she entered their gates to buy some new clothes or a piece of soap to wash herself. Because whenever and wherever she appeared she was watched with disgust. The unnatural white hair, the shabby trousers, the worn off boots. It wasn't decent for a woman, to clothe herself into trousers instead of dresses. In addition to this the pitch-black eyes… Yes, she was a strange figure and wherever she was people made her feel it. Nobody cared as long as she didn't come near them.

Ever since the day she appeared in Mordor her appearance did not change. Leo had told her the ring would stop its bearer's physical aging… But in return its flesh would fade, turn into nothing, until nothing was left and she would turn into a ghostlike being just like the Nazgûl were. She had rarely noticed anything for now but a few weeks ago she had made a bitter experience when she wanted to cut her hair. She had decided long hair was rather impractical but as she wanted to cut it, the blade slashed through the stands without any effect. Panicked she cut her arm afterwards and to her relief blood ran downwards as the knife scratched her skin. Still she was worried. She did not want to end like the Nazgûl, to be a mere shadow of a life…

Marching steps pulled her out of her depressing thoughts and she lifted her glance. There they were. Rai felt the adrenaline rushing through her veins. Quite a few days ago Leo and herself had noticed a squad of orcs that were crossing the Brown Lands to the great forest. In combat she was as useful as a fork but that did not mean she was unable to finish this scum off.

The rock formation behind her was once inhabited, tunnels and caves craved into its insides. Now everything was abandoned. She knew because Leo and herself had spent the nights inside every now and then when they had happened to be in the area. This would be the last time, unfortunately… but well, everything to stop some disgusting murderers.

"They're coming!" Her voice was ear-piercing enough to be probably heard all the way to Mordor. "By the Gods, they're coming! Hide the woman and children, into the caves!"

A few seconds passed as she stared at the orcs with horror-stricken eyes, no more than a hundred meters between them. She had to supress a grin as some of the creature's eyes clung to her more an improper décolleté. Finally, she turned around on her heels and ran to the cave's entrance.

It didn't even take five seconds until she heard the hooting orcs following her. "That one's mine!", the leader spat and Rai made a face while running. The pace of her followers came closer as she wasn't particularly fast -which was mostly because of the fact she had to concentrate on not falling on her face- but it would be enough. She just had to stay out of reach.

It didn't take long before the walls trembled. Leo had blocked the entrance. Now there was just a single way out of these caves since they had blocked all the others with boulders before the orcs had arrived. The angry screams of her persecutors followed her and she laughed even though she was already breathing hard. It was always the same. They let themselves get distracted by a little, helpless girl who wore a quite slutty dress for middle-earth meanings. The orcs came even closer and she began to pant. She really had to get it moving if her plan was supposed to succeed.

She quickened her steps a second time and rushed around the last corner in the poorly lightened out tunnel. Twice left, once right, up with steps, another right… There was the exit! To be honest she had expected a little more distance between herself and her chasers but now she had to improvise a little. She had no time to wait for Leo because if she did so the orcs would get her. She could almost feel their breath in her neck.

Then, finally, the exit was there -a single opening at the end of a channel that ended into nowhere, almost forty meters above the ground. Maybe here had once been a balcony but now it was long gone.

Without slowing down Rai rushed forwards and jumped from the last step out of the tunnel with all her might. For the split of a second the ground came closer at high-speed… And then she crushed into a body and sat up panting. "That was a close one", she blew since the orcs had now reached the tunnel's end, too. But there was nobody to pick _them_ up and so they stopped, cursing and spatting at the opening. Two fell to their deaths screaming when the squad rushed into them, pushing them forwards and out of the exit they were standing in.

Leo didn't bother to answer, instead he darted upwards almost vertically and Rai looked down at the orcs who were captures within the tunnels. They would not escape. If they jumped it would be their end since it was impossible to survive a fall like that. And all of this simply because they had been blinded in their lust to kill and rushed into a place they didn't know.

The ceiling above the tunnels and caves were still intact, many feet thick… but the beams that held them were ailing and brittle. The sporadically set piles on the inside held only few parts of the ceiling, they were only put on places the ceiling had already begun to crumble. With his claws the Fellbeast crushed two of the central beams before landing on the plateau and under his weight the beams holding the thinnest part of the caved ceiling gave in. Before it crashed down he swung himself to the sky with a single strong swing and moved back a few feet.

Rai was no architect; neither did she understand much of statics or building not even to mention cave-systems. But if the most instable part of such a system gave in all the other parts would follow… especially if it was holed like a cheese eaten by mice.

And so the winged beast drew back a little more as after the first two the third pillar gave in, than a fourth one and finally everything gave in as the ceiling crushed down and the caves were smashed… and with them all life inside.

 _Orcs have left three guards at the entrance. I ate them_ , Leo told her lazily and Rai grinned. "I think we smashed them."

Slowly the dust of the crushed rocks and boulders disappeared and Leo got down. They would have to wait since some of the orcs might have survived. Nobody was allowed to report about them, every single one had to die. The moment of surprise was their biggest strength, nothing was known about the orc-hunt the two of them were on for more than a decade -and it had to stay this way.

"I think I'll name my breasts murder and homicide", she grinned and he let sound a screeching noise that was his version of a laugh. _Devious little beast._

"Thanks."


	6. Chapter 5 - Right and rights

I just noticed: All the line-breaks I made are gone and actually never got added to the story... I don't know why but I'm sorry for that. I replaced them and from now on xxx will marke each line-break. At least this way I can be sure the text formation doesn't become a total mess. Again: I'm sorry. This was not supposed to happen. Besides I corrected a lot of mistakes within the last chapters. They should be better now, at least I hope so.

xxx

 ** _Nobody asked us about being thrown into existence._**

\- Martin Heidegger

xxx

With a sigh Rai closed the book. She had read 'Being and Time' three times already, but the book was quite hard to understand and had put her to the edge of desperation more than once. She seemed to have been reading it before since everywhere on the pages were little explanations and notes whose handwriting she recognised as her own. Apparently, she had understood this confusing book back then but for everything that was holy… why? Heidegger tried to explain the sense of being and questioned it that much she understood… but it was no help at all in her situation. It just brought up even more questions, because if there were answers in any of these pages they just made no sense at all. She existed, of that she was pretty sure. But why everything in this word had this strange author to question one of the few things she was certain of?

Leo had decided to stay a few hours at the cave's ruins to make sure none of the orcs managed to get out there alive. But as expected nothing moved under all those tons of boulders and stones and so Leo had decided to fetch something to eat. He had managed to dig out a few bodies from underneath the rocks and this way at least one of them had a full belly. Since Rai had eaten up all her provisions he finally parted to catch some food for her as well so she would not starve after all.

Frustrated she put the book back into her bag once more. It was just unbelievingly how much – an arrow pointed between her eyes as she looked up. What the…?!

"Lift a single finger… and you will die." The voice was cold but still incredibly melodic. The man in front of her was tall, way taller than her and wore green clothes. His hair was blond, the face so noble she had to blink. Two pointy ears showed themselves between the braided hair and she took a deep breath. Elves… Just twice she got to see people of their kin from afar but Leo didn't think getting near would be a good idea. Their kin repelled him, simply their taste was for his liking. And just as the purity of the elves repulsed him, his black blood repelled them. They would try to kill him if they could. It was better not to cross ways -but now it was too late.

Out of the corner of her eyes she saw at least four more elves which had taut their bows, the arrows on them pointed at her. For a moment, she cursed Heidegger; if she had not dig herself in his writings this would not have happened.

She took another deep breath and forced herself to calm down. "What do you want? I didn't do anything to you!"

"And still you are sitting on this grave of orc-carcasses."

"It was me who put them there in the first place", she defended herself. "They were on their way to the Great Forest and I lured them into the tunnels."

"Caves do not have the habit of collapsing by themselves", the blond elf said and Rai leaned carefully a little away from the weapon. However, the elf seemed to misinterpret this, because he took one step closer and now the arrow was less than half a meter away from her face.

Before she was able to answer, a shrill scream echoed towards them and Rai flinched when she noticed the small figure that got close way too fast. "Leo! Stay away!", she shouted but her friend did not have much for that plead. Instead he screamed angrily at the elves, he knew which pain his voice inflicted to their sensitive ears.

" _Fell!_ ", one of the other elves exclaimed and at once three out of the five warriors pointed their bows at the beast who flew angrily above their heads.

 _Rai!_ , he yelled but the whitehaired shook her head wildly. "Get away from here before they shoot you! I'll be okay!", she called.

"Silence!", the elf in front of the hissed but she didn't pay attention and stared at Leo instead. He had to flee while he was still able to! She had no idea of elves exactly but from Leo's reports, an elven warrior was far more dangerous than any orc.

Once again the black beast screeched and the elves grit their teeth. It was a sick noise, destructive and wrong and made their ears hurt immensely. Two of the warriors shot their arrows; the Fellbeast managed to avoid the first one of them but the second impaled into his leg and made black blood drop down to the ground. Rai cried out. "Don't hurt him!", she begged. "I surrender, I'll come with you, I'll do whatever you want, but don't hurt him!"

 _No!_ , he yelled and reopened his jaws but the long knife now resting on Rai's throat forbad any other sound. They would kill her! This disgusting elf would kill his Rai, his friend! The only one he had in Arda! A few seconds teared slowly as tar.

"Go!", she called desperate and leaned her head back, a few precious inches away from the blade so she could speak. "You can't help me now, go!" She had no opportunity to actually end the sentence before the knife was back on her throat -and this time it held no space for another plea.

Another arrow bore into his flesh and he supressed an angry screech. As soon as he got any closer, this elf would kill Rai, that much was certain. But if he stayed here their arrows would shoot him out of the sky. Oh, how much he hated those elves! With one last desperate glance, he reclaimed his way into the sky and finally disappeared out of the arrows' reach. Never before in his life he had hated himself more but he would be no use for her if he was dead.

A few seconds passed, then her arms got dragged behind her back and before she could react, her wrists were bound. She looked up angrily. "We didn't do anything to you!", she shouted but two of the elves gripped her arms and pulled her on her feet. "What the hell are you thinking?!"

 _"_ _Oer ulun [Disgusting creature]"_ , one of the elves spat and her eyes narrowed. "Speak a language I can understand!"

She got no answer, instead the first elf let sink his knife and picked up her bag. He looked into it swiftly before going ahead, while the two other elves dragged her behind. The last two of them had pulled their swords and marched besides them. Who did they take themselves for?! She did not do anything to anyone, just killed a few orcs – and if she was not mistaken elves killed any orc that crossed their way, too! By which rights were they allowed to hurt Leo and took her hostage?! Angrily she stood against them but it was no use. And even if she managed, by some miracle, to escape one would shoot her.

xxx

Her teeth clenched, Rai stared into the night. The white hair fell in her face but she had no possibility to put it back since her hands were still bound behind her back. They had been travelling for two days now with no proper rest.

They had tied her on a horse -never she had sat on any of those, at least not that she could remember – and would have fallen more than once, if it had not been for the ropes that kept her in place. She had seen no more of Leo, thanks to the gods, and all she could do was to hope he made it somewhere safe. She had no idea where they were taking her. The elves kept silent and if they did, she would not be the one to open her mouth. Not a word got spoken since she had been captured with no reason at all. And she always believed elves to be the good guys!

Never before she went that far into the Greenwood. Mirkwood it was called nowadays. The north of the forest were elvenlands, that much she knew from Leo and they always had kept their distance from there. But now she feared this was exactly where she was taken. She was mad, incredibly mad, but even though everything hurt (above everything else her legs), she stayed upright. She would not bow to this!

As the horses stopped, her mouth almost fall open as she looked up. In front of her stood a giant gate which's doors were opened to welcome them. The elves got down off their horses and cut her loose, but as soon as they did two of them grabbed her tied arms to pull her forwards right through the elvengate and into something that shone in its glory above everything she had seen this far.

Technically it was probably a cave but even though the dozens of meters high ceilings were enclosed, somewhere daylight shone inside. A system of bridges, gangways and side roads that she could not even begin to comprehend lay in front of her and it seemed it was grown out of the deepest mountain itself. But she had rarely time to admire her surroundings before she was pulled along again and grit her teeth so she would not cry out in pain. It hurt, damn it!

She had no idea how long they lead her through the mountain but every now and then elves crossed their way who stared at her with large eyes and whispered in a language she did not understand. Defiantly she straightened herself, held her head high, until at some point she stood in front of a throne in one of those gorgeous halls. The four other elves withdrew themselves and she felt something bad coming up. Something really, really bad.

 _"_ _Mae govannen Adar [Well met_ _(_ _common elvish greeting) father]."_

 _"_ _Legolas. Mae govannen"_ , the man on the throne answered and stood up. _"Le abdollen [You are late]."_

There was a short talk between both elves in their foreign language that she could not understand, but then the king's eyes switched towards her. A few moments passed in which she stared wordlessly into the icy irises of the other elf before he spoke. "It is indecent not to pay any respect towards a king."

"It's indecent to kidnap other people without any reason", she shot back and a mere second later she was torn back by her abductor. The knife was back at her throat again. With slow, almost threatening steps the king came nearer, the flagitious elegant robe flew behind him down the stairs. She had never seen hair in such perfection, she noticed. It fell down his back like a shining waterfall and in difference to the other elf, his was not braided at all. It was held in place by nothing but a crown in between whose tines red leaves and berries enthroned. Almost scary.

"You think you are right?", he asked and she laughed out loud, a single shrill tone. "I was hunting orcs when five elves assaulted me, shot my partner and chained me on a horse before taking me here!"

"Your… partner?", the king asked and began to circle her in slow steps, just like a predator his prey. His face was unreadable; the noble features did not show which thoughts lay beneath them. "A _fell_ , an abnormality… The mount of the Nazgûl, the ringghosts." With one swift movement, he cut the ropes behind her back and pulled forward her hand. "And it seems you are one of them."

"I'm not a Nazgûl!" How could he dare to call her that?! She was none of these disgusting creatures! "And Leo is no abnormality! He's my friend, my partner, the only one I have! And if you call him that once more, I… I'll scratch out your eyes, whoever you are!" The was boiling with rage and her inquisitor bowed above her while the blade pressed stronger against her throat. "Watch your tongue", the elf behind her growled, still she paid no attention to him.

"Nine to the mortals, doomed to die", the Elvenking mused and watched the hand on whose finger glittered the melted remains of the ring. On the middle sat a single dark stone which once had decorated the jewel, now molten in her flesh. The seconds passed like endless nights. "Whether Nazgûl or not, this ring obeys The One… Darkness will befall it just like anyone who bears it. Such is the nature of evil. It lurks in the shadows, waiting to crawl out on whatever opportunity it gets. The mortal life is full of them, just like it is full of grief."

"Nice speech", she harrumphed. "But what-" She had no opportunity to finish the question, instead her scream echoes through the wide halls. In shock, she stared at her hand… and on the ring finger laying on the ground. Expressionless the Elvenking picked it up. He had cut off her finger! Blood ran down her hand and dropped between her fingers. It hurt, dear God it hurt so much!

In one swift movement, the elf in front of her let the small dagger disappear as fast as he had dragged it and looked at the remains of the ring on the now loose finger. "You are just as unsound as this ring. Your _fae_ is deliquescent and dark… You are a threat to my folk."

He turned away and walked up the steps to his throne as two elves stepped next to her and took her arms. With a gesture of his hand, the guards dragged her away and Rai felt how her anger outgrew the pain. "I didn't do anything to you or your people!", she shouted, but the king seemed to have no interest in the injustice he was doing. He sat down again on this throne and watched how the whitehaired girl was pulled out of the hall. There was something dark slumbering inside her, something evil. He was not sure whether it was the ring or her own twisted soul… Although in his dungeons, she was at least no threat to his realm.


	7. Chapter 6 -Catch me if you can

Well... Most of you weren't too keen with poor Thranduil during the last chapter. Sadly, I don't think this one will do much difference... or will it?  
Anyway I hope you'll enjoy chapter 6. I have some difficulties with translating this one, so fell free to correct me.

xxx

 ** _There are two kinds of people in this world: The justly and the unjustly. The classification is done by the justly._**

\- Oscar Wilde

xxx

„ _Aran nîn [My king]…_ "

Thranduils eyes fell on the elf who stood in front of his throne. He was one of the border's patrols… and it seemed he intended to bring bad news. As if he didn't already had heard enough of those during the last few days. "I am listening."

"Northerly of the Forest River, a Silvan's yard got attacked… The buildings destroyed, the fields desolated. Dirion has salvaged the victims, two elflings amongst them." The guard hesitated before going on. "Whatever it is, it approaches the forest's borders. But whenever we arrive, it is too late, for we find nothing but destruction and death."

The Elvenking nodded. This was already the third incident of this kind and the intervals in between them seemed to shorten. There were people of his folk outside of the Great Forest, even though in near distance, who put their hands upon agriculture or horse breeding. All three of those incidents had happened on such farm yards, every single one had been broken down to nothing, the inhabitants killed, the yards destroyed. He had an assumption who was the one behind all this – or rather what was. But _Fell_ never acted on their own, they always awaited their master's orders. Under normal circumstances, these would be the Nazgûl, but he would have noticed their presence if any of them dared to wander near his borders. He rose and let his cloak fall back at the large throne. He had to talk to Legolas… however, as soon as he had taken a few steps, his son already darted inside the hall.

„ _Adar!_ "

"Legolas… I had wished to talk to you", Thranduil remarked. "I assume you already heard of the recent incident."

"Yes." The prince nodded darkly. "I suppose it is the _Fell_ , adar. It destroys these yards and kills everything inside. It seeks revenge for its rider."

" _Fell_ are not that prudent", he answered, but his son shook his head swiftly. "When we captured her, it refused to leave. Cirael's arrow stuck in its flesh, but nevertheless it did not flee. Only when she begged for its leave a second time, it obeyed."

Thranduil cocked his head almost unnoticeably. "A bond between _Fell_ and rider?", he asked. "How unexpectedly… interesting." In all the long years, he lived, he had never heard of an emotional bond between the deviant servants of Sauron. Love and companionship were not emotions part of their nature, but hate and seek for destruction.

"I want the guards doubled!" Thranduils' voice rang through the halls. "Take patrols outside the forest! Whoever faces that beast: Kill it!"

xxx

It hurt. Good God, it hurt so much.

Hardly she opened her eyes and looked around, her puzzled mind needing a few moments to remember where she was. Oh, yeah… the elves. She was in the elves' dungeons. It seemed, no one besides her was locked inside these cells, but this realisation did not comfort her.

"I'm thirsty", she murmured, but the guards did not react to her plea. She had no idea how many days she already was here, since the golden light that illuminated the halls was not the sun's. She was served meals, but the last ones she had spurned completely. She was not hungry, however, the water she was given was not enough to satisfy her thirst. She emptied the decanters she got, yet it did not help. Nothing did help. The pain burned in her entire body and her hand felt as if it was on fire. Her skin was glowing red, but at least the wound of her cut off finger had stopped bleeding some time ago. The Elvenking had separated it perfectly above the knuckle, no stump was left… just an empty place on her right hand.

She realised she had a fever, yet there was nothing she could do about it. She drowned all the water she was given, how was she supposed to cool herself with it? She did not have a blanket, nor a bed. Just a small bench craved into the wall so she did not have to sit on the floor. But she simply lacked the strength to take a seat on that and so she leaned back to the wall. If at least this unbearable pain would stop. Starting from her hand it had spread up her arm, towards her chest and from there to every part of her body. It was beyond all bearing.

Sweat dripped down her forehead and she closed her eyes again. Leo… hopefully Leo was all right.

xxx

"Five salesmen, three guards and four carriages full of wares! That doesn't disappear on its own!"

Unimpressed, the king sat on his throne. He expected dwarf-salesmen from the Iron Hills who, despite the complicated correlations in between their riches, were willing to trade their treasures with his own… but apparently, they had disappeared. And if he was honest, he was quite certain to know who -or rather what- was responsible for this.

"I assure you, I have send out search parties for them. Probably, they lost their way on the road to my halls." At least this was the explanation he would like to believe the most – however, it got undone quite quickly as soon as a messenger stepped inside. He waved the elleth towards him and she bowed, before giving away the news. "My king… We have found whom we looked for. The guards got ripped into shreds, the salesmen killed, the horses devoured. The ground is drenched with blood."

"What about the wares?"

"Destroyed or taken", she reported. "Nothing is left."

"I relied on your word when you said, my people would be save within your borders… but it seems I misjudged", the dwarf spit. "I will make my way, back to my king! There at least I don't need to fear for my life!"

Without another word, the dwarf stumped off and the Elvenking sent the unlucky messenger away with one swift movement of his fingers. This was getting out of hand! Since he had the guards doubled two days ago, no more attacks were noticed, but now a whole squad of dwarfs had fallen under the _Fell's_ rage… and nobody had any idea where the beast remained! However, if it still lingered within this forest, he would seek it out.

With long steps, he crossed the hall and finally went through the gate, right inside the forest. The trees would know where the creature had hidden, what it had done. The birds would have seen it… And then he would take care of this incident himself!

 _King_ , it whispered. _King of the woods, Elvenking. Our king._

 _Where is it?_ , he asked and a few seconds passed. The _fae_ of the forest, the spirit of every tree in this realm searched for him and finally a million voices answered in one. _It is here… it is waiting._

 _Where?_ , he asked again. His demand had not yet been answered! Again, seconds passed in which the forest seemed to decide - and his eyes widened as the birds sprayed away and the branches shuddered. _All alone in his grieve… all alone in his wrath. All alone in this world, escaped from the darkness._

And with these words, the realm's woods closed before him and Thranduil remained appalled between the trees. Never the forest had omitted his orders. It might not answer right away for the trees found a liking in speaking riddles. But he had felt the forest shutting off before him. It did not _want_ to tell where the marauding beast had hidden! It protected it! And Thranduil was king long enough to know his forest would not give away easily, what it held dear.

His paces full of suppressed anger, he walked back inside his halls. He did not care about some dead dwarfs; however, the trading relations would suffer a great deal. There was not much Thranduil loved within this world anymore, too grey it had become, but he loved his son and his people. These elves related on him, trusted his rule, no matter whether they were Silvan or of the little numbers of the Sindar, who found their way into this realm thousands of years ago. He would not let them be slaughtered by this creature! Although, the truth was sobering: If the forest was against him, he would not find the _Fell_ , even if every single member of his folk went on the search.

He was not dense. He knew the human girl was none of the Nazgûl. He had fought these shadowed creatures a thousand years ago in a war that had cost him his father and so many lives. The battle of the Last Alliance, which finally had managed to repress Sauron. Unwillingly his eyes darkened and he refused himself to linger deeper in the past.

The influence of the ring of power on the girl was obvious. The hair, white like freshly fallen snow, the almost ethereal figure… it did not matter whether now or in a hundred years, her body would have vanished until it was but a walking ghostlike being. And above everything else the Black Speech. He despised it as it was the most abhorrent of all tongues. Apparently, she was fluent in Westron, but it seemed the beast was unable to understand it, since Legolas had told him she had spoked towards it in Sauron's language before it disappeared.

Which lead him back to topic again. The _Fell_ would not fall silent before getting back to his rider. The girl was uncivilised, wild. Her _fae_ , her spirit, was broken. What was meant to be united got destroyed, some pieces black as the darkest night in Mordor while others shone bright as starlight. He was quite certain it was the ring that had ripped her into shreds, when Sauron had tried to break her. But for whatever reason he failed. Even in his more than five thousand years of living he had never seen such a ruined spirit, he was surprised she had not gone completely lunatic.

He would return her to the _Fell_ and when he did, they would be given time to leave his borders until sunset. She had asserted to hunt orcs and if she had spoken the truth, she had no business in his realm. Without the ring, she was merely as dangerous as than any other being of mankind.

Thranduil went up the steps to his throne before having Dregoth called, the quartermaster of the dungeons. It took unsurprisingly long for the ellon to get in front of him, bowing. "Bring forth the prisoner", he demanded. "For I need to talk to her."

Dregoth hesitated and the golden-haired king lifted one of his eyebrows. "Is there a problem?"

"No, my lord, it is just…" "Just what, Dregoth? I have had to maintain more than enough bad news today; I would be glad to not have another one added." This did not seem to be the reaction the dungeon-keeper was seeking, since he swallowed. Thranduil adjusted on his throne and leaned forward. It was obvious he was losing his patience.

"I doubt she will be able to speak", he finally admitted. "She battles death."

"And how come", the Elvenking hissed, "You felt no need to tell me, Dregoth?"

If his prisoner died, the beast would roam in his realm for hundreds of years to come! Yes, normally he was not too keen about his prisoners' health condition. However, if they were on the edge of death, he was to be informed!

"Place her into the halls of healing!", he ordered. "Gather the healers! If she passes on to death, Dregoth, I will have you be that _Fell's_ next meal!"

xxx

"What are the chances?"

"Few."

Again, these were the news he did _not_ wish to hear. Did the Valar turn against him? Fìriel was his most capable healer, also one of the oldest. The elleth with the hazelnut-coloured hair and the dark eyes had already been living in this great forest, when his father Oropher had arrived here thousands of years ago. She had been a healer amongst her people, the Silvan, who had been living in the woods. His father and himself had fled from the war-ravaged Doriath, once the most magnificent halls in all of Middle-earth. They had been without home, wandering to the east, until the Silvan had had offered them a home… and made his father king.

"The infection has spread from the wound, inside every part of her body. Lungs, midriff and liver are affected. Two days ago, I could have brought more pleasant news, but at this rate… We are trying to facilitate her breathing and hinder the infection from spreading even further, but it is in vain if the fever does not drop."

Thranduil nodded. If even Fìriel was unable to grand hope, he should be prepared for the worst. If his plan should fail, he had no other possibility than to keep the number of guards high and the patrols at least four warriors strong. The yards and routes outside and inside the forest would have to be guarded day and night, everything else was too dangerous.

Wordlessly he stepped aside and towards the bed. She was tall for a human girl, even though almost lanky. Maybe it was due to the illness she fought. He could smell the herbs beneath the bandages, wound around her arm and chest. Her clothing had been changed, now she wore a simple nightgown and her body had been tucked under a damp blanket to lower the fever. Two more healers stood next to her, the first one instilled water between her lips, while the second sang softly; trying to hinder her broken _fae_ to leave her dying body.

"Send word to me, when she comes to her senses… or to death."

Fìriel nodded, then she consecrated herself to her patient once again. She had healed humankind before, but this body was not of mortal flesh, at least not anymore. Yet, it was not of elven kind and she did not know which treatment would heal the dying flesh or which would create even more damage than already had been done. She had been appalled as extolled water had burned the skin, when she had tried to wash the badly healed wound of the amputated finger.

Thranduil turned around. He had preparations to make, in case his prisoner would not survive the following days -which was not unlikely- since he somehow had to keep that _Fell_ in control, even if the forest had turned against him. Besides, he had to salvage the defiled dwarfs and have her bodies return to the Iron Hills.

Just seconds before he would have left the hall, the figure under the blankets twitched and straightened herself with a single sudden jerk. Surprised, the healers stepped back, while she stared at his frame, without seem to notice him. She looked straight forward, right through him and he watched back. Strange eyes.

"I survived Mordor." Where from did she take the strength to speak? Not even a minute ago she could barely swallow the water given to her. Now she spat out the words right into his face, angry and defiant. "I survived Gormlaith. I survived death and devil! And you will not bring me down! _Jiak liwo noav mat [I will not die]_!"

One more moment passed in which she stared at him out of these strange eyes, then she tilted sideways without another word. She would have fallen to the floor if it had not been for Fìriel catching her and carefully putting her back beneath the blankets.

The Elvenking viewed the now still figure for another moment. The shadows on the walls had lengthened, as the Black Speech echoed in between them, but now they withdrew again. How blasphemous, to use this tongue within his halls.


	8. Chapter 7 - Lost, Found, United

**_Together, one is less alone._**

\- Unknown, german abage

xxx

Two sunsets passed, then Fìriel herself delivered the news. The prisoner was awake -at least longer than she had been during the short phases of awareness while fighting her fever. Since the morning she had made it through the most critical part of illness; the battle against death had been won.

Thranduil opened the gull-wing doors to the halls of healing and entered. It was indispensable for the whitehaired almost deceased girl to stay here for another couple of days, under the healers' supervision. She might have survived; however, this did not imply her body was already healed. Not to mention her ripped _fae_.

Possibly, this would not withhold him from relegating his uninvited guest… but if he did, his healers would have sung their throats sore for nothing. And besides, Fìriel was one of the very few elves within this realm, of whose fury he was weary. The elleth was like a mountain river, pure and gentle. But her anger -which he only had come to see twice in all his long years- would cause even upright rulers to pale. And since he'd rather avoid her fury, he would not dare to abandon Fìriels patient and as long as it was clear the result would be her certain death.

Two servants closed the door behind him gently and he noticed how the figure beneath the blankets tried to push herself up.

"You should lie down", Fìriel directed softly, but the human girl shook her head. "I won't lie here, if-", her eyes met his and she stopped. Angry, pitch-black irises flashed towards him. "You!", she spat. She would recognise the man in front of her even if he'd wear rags instead of a silver robe and crown. "This is all your fault, you… elf!"

"An interesting choice of insult", he noticed and she made a face. "I had so many on my tongue, I couldn't decide." Surprised he saw these words for true, since she sounded quite disappointed with herself. "You took me prisoner, cut off my finger, threw me in the dungeons and almost had me croak! Believe me, there aren't enough insults to even begin to express how I feel about you. So… Why didn't you let me die in that damn cell all by myself?"

The Elvenking lifted one of his striking eyebrows. "The loss of you ring does not make your company more pleasant."

"I give a crap about what you do with it", she replied. "I got it from Gormlaith and couldn't get rid of it, no matter how hard I tried. I would've taken it off long before if I could. Throw it away, melt it to something new, bury it… I don't mind."

This took him by surprise. No one who was in hold of one of the rings of power would be willing to give those away freely. Their possession meant great power, something all livings craved for instinctively. He had expected for her to demand it back, even though he would not give in to that. However, Gormlaith… that name rang a bell. She had been in contact with one of the Nazgûl. And apparently ended him, since none of the ringghosts would hand over their jewels freely.

"You will leave my realm as soon as you are able walk again."

Her eyes tightened and she pulled back the blanket, before attempting to get up. He heard her suppressing a painful pant, but Fìriel was by her side again, tucking her under the sheets gently. "Your body has not healed enough yet", she advised and to Thranduils astonishment she obeyed.

"Where does this sudden mercy come from?", she growled somewhere in his general direction, however buried halfway beneath the blankets her attempt was rather laughable.

"I cannot have the _Fell_ slaughter my people", the king stated and Rai watched him blankly for a moment, before she understood his words.

"Leo!" She straightened herself again, faster than Fìriel could hinder her to do so. "Don't hurt him! Please, he… he doesn't mean it. Please don't hurt him."

"You beg for its life?" Just a few seconds ago, he would have sworn a plea held no place within her primitive vocabulary. Well, at least this fitted Legolas' record. She took a deep breath and he saw her fighting herself. When she looked up again, her expression was determined. "I ask you, Elvenking, I… I beg you. He is all I have and he has nothing besides me… I will make up for it, I swear I will, but please…" Thranduil's risen hand made her silent and she lowered her head. She hated it. She hated to kneel, to make herself small and vulnerable as this. Yet, if there was a chance for the Elvenking to spare Leo, she would take it, no matter how small.

"The moment you have recovered, you and this abomination will leave my borders." She did not have to know that this decision had already been made. Some devotion would fit her quite well. And then something strange happened.

She smiled. A smile that made her features brighten, the night-black eyes shimmering like obsidians and so much gratefulness shone towards him, it made him blink in irritation. "Thank you." He turned around and walked for the door when her voice interrupted him one last time. "My name is Rai… just in case you're interested."

Without another word, he left the hall.

xxx

A king, a prince, a healer and seventeen warriors. That was quite a bunch, if it was to accompany a human to the wood's borders.

Fìriel would not have herself be banned from making this last trip with Rai. The she-elf -elleth was the right word for this, Rai had learned- had been by her side during all the days of recovery. Rai had her asked once, whether she did not want to go home, have a little time for herself instead of always waiting on the side of her bed, but the answer had been simple as brutal: "My beloved fell during the last battle in front of Mordor's gates… and my son with him. There is no one waiting for me."

Rai had flinched at this and starred on the bedsheets. She knew, the healer did not want pity, since it would do no difference to what happened. This, the whitehead had nodded slowly. "I wouldn't want to go then, too", she had stated and lifted her eyes. "But I don't know if anybody is waiting for me. I can't remember."

Hearing this, Fìriel had put one of the stubborn stands of hair out of her face. Then she had smiled and the room seemed to brighten with it. "You are a good child."

With wide eyes, she had starred at the elleth and finally, two heavy tears had dripped down her cheeks. She did not know why, but these words had touched something inside her, something that she could not name nor explain.

When Fìriel had delivered message to her king about her patient's health-condition, it was out of question for her not to accompany the girl to the borders. Even though her lord was not pleased by this decision.

Now they sat on their horses and Rai clung herself to the saddle in a quite impressive manner, to prevent from falling. This time she was not tied, but unfortunately this also meant there was nothing other than her own legs to keep her on the horseback. Fìriel led her horse (to her shame she had forgotten its name) from her own white mare, while they made their ways through the woods, surrounded by seventeen guardians. The Elvenking and his son, Legolas -another name she had come to know thanks to Fìriel- lead the colon. To her surprise, the forest's Lord had taken seat on an elk instead of a horseback, but her astonishment did not last for long. Of course, he was the king. He could not ride on a horseback like the lowly pack he ruled.

To be honest, she had no idea how this was supposed to work. Would they just set her free, as soon as they left the forest? Did she have to search for Leo on her own? And if so, how was she supposed to find him in this incredibly large forest?

The trees got fewer and finally the horses trotted out of their shadows and onto the plain. In a large circle the squad turned around, now facing the forest. The Elvenking spoke words she didn't understand. It was a beautiful language and she wished to be capable of understanding, as she heard a swoosh flowing through the leaves. However, she had no idea what was supposed to happen now.

"You should get off", Fìriel said quietly and Rai blinked, before admitting: "I've no idea how to get down from here." At least not without falling straight upon her nose or her ass. No desirable outcomes, both of them.

"Not even two weeks ago, you did quite well", Thranduil remarked and she threw him a sour glance. "That's because I got dragged off like a sack of potatoes", she shot back and carefully pulled both feet out of the stirrups. She had to get these off, otherwise she would be stuck. Then, she turned around carefully and hopped down rather ungraceful.

Thranduil had never seen anybody getting off a horse this inapt. Apparently, these were the first rides in her life, since no one could act an amount of that much clumsiness even if one tried.

Carefully, the whitehaired petted the horse's neck. "Thanks for the ride." The mare snuffled at her fingers, but a shrill scream let it buck back. Rai turned around.

"Leo!", she called and another screech answered her. The elven-guards pulled their weapons as a black figure lifted itself around a mile away from between the trees. Their orders were clear: As long, as the _Fell_ did not attack, they would not either. Should it even attempt to turn against them, they would make its end.

Surprisingly fast, the black beast got closer and Rai walked towards it. With remorse Fìriel noted her steps still being unsteady. She had told so her king, but he had not been willing to change the date of departure. The sooner this incident came to an end, the better.

A few more moments passed, then the _Fell_ went down to the ground in haste. If she would not have been disgusted by its sheer form, Fìriel's heart would have warmed, as it lowered its head and Rai embraced it, as wide as her arms could reach.

"You will leave my realm at once." Thranduil did not seem to be impressed with the reunion of the strange pair. "If there is one single victim more to count, it will make your end."

The creature, that apparently had been named Leo, lifted its head and starred at him without making a sound. A few seconds passed, then Rai spoke. "He says, he would never have come here, if it hadn't been for my capture." Before one of the elves could answer, she continued. "This is Fìriel", she introduced and pointed at the elleth, who was still sitting on her white mare. "Without her I wouldn't have made the last week. She's a healer, you know?"

The _Fell's_ sharp yellow eyes lay upon her and a few moments passed. Then Rai blinked, caught off guard, and turned around to make it to the healer. Her horse had pranced back on Leo's arrival. "He wants to talk to you, but he doesn't know if it's possible", she said and Fìriel felt malaise raise inside her. Never she had met a creature of Mordor, that had not been depraved and succumbed by hate and the desire to kill. The beast seemed to be able to communicate telepathically with its rider, she noticed.

Three of the guards strung their bows as she got off her horse and stepped slowly closer. As is seemed, the _Fell_ felt her strain, since it did not move at all when she came to hold no more than a few ells apart. Silence fell around them, until Rai took one of the elleth's hands carefully. Instinctual her fingers jerked back, but she human girl did not give in, until the elegant hand lay on the black skin between the lowered head's nostrils. The beast exhaled.

 _Fìriel_. She flinched on the mention of her name. The voice was dark, twisted and seemed to struggle to pronounce the elven name. _She-elf Fìriel_.

Just at that moment she realised, it was the _Fell_ that was talking. "Yes?", she answered, unsure, careful. She did not trust this beast and if it had not been for Rai, who was still holding her hand, she would never do this.

 _Freedom is worth nothing, without someone to share it._ She noticed the Black Speech's unmistakable accent that repelled her, but it took her by surprise to hear a clear Westron nevertheless. _I have no one else to share my freedom with, she-elf Fìriel. My thanks you have saved Rai, who has saved me._

Slowly, Rai let down her hand and the elleth pulled away her fingers. At last, the whitehaired cracked a smile. "I'm sorry."

"Do not apologize, my child. Everything is fine." The healer bowed down to kiss her cheek. "It was a pleasure to meet you." Under the guards' watchful eyes and the unreadable face of her king, she turned around and got on her horse again. Rai shouldered her bag, that had been returned to her, and climbed between the long spikes on Leo's back.

"Leave now." Thranduil's order left no room for protest and as an answer, Leo swung himself in the air and let his wings carry them higher. Then he turned to the south and disappeared to the horizon.


	9. Chapter 8 - Everywhere and Nowhere

Yeeey, I turned 22.

To celebrate my birthday, I offer you this chapter. I hope you like it as much, as I do.

Thank you for all of your amazing feedback :)

xxx

 ** _Having no home means suffering._**

\- Fjodor Michailowitsch Dostojewskij (yes, that's an actual name), Russian author

xxx

With one last swing, Leo got to the ground and carefully, Rai got off his spiked back. She was tired. Since she had been discharged out of the halls of healing a few days ago, the fatigue crept back in her body. She just was not fully healed, even though she was reluctant of confessing it. In consequence, they had made their ways from Mirkwood's borders to the only place they could think of.

"Rai. What a nice surprise."

The whitehaired smiled and stepped closer. "Hello, Hafdir. I'm sorry for busting in like that."

"As if you would not always do it", it called from behind him.

"Mirak. Hi." From behind the yard's lord, whose hair was beginning to grow white in its first strands, the boy she once saved from certain death stepped closer. During the last thirteen years, the child not even counting ten summers, had grown to a man. The dark locks tickled his neck and she could not feel but pride. Mirak was somebody, one would certainly call attractive, but in her eyes, he was a brother in many ways. Every now and then she had wondered, whether she had real siblings, such by blood, somewhere. However, this was a question she might never get an answer to.

"You do not look too well, child." Hafdir's concerned voice tugged her out of her thoughts and she waved aside. It could be worse and- "Your hand", Mirak exclaimed and stepped two steps closer. Rai sighed. Why did not she think of that? Of course, it would stand out, that a whole finger had gone amiss, when she waved around with it.

"I got rid of the ring", she explained dryly and Mirak frowned. "You cut off your finger?"

"Well… no."

Before she could be interrogated any further, the door opened and Joana stepped outside. "Rai! What a nice surprise", she smiled. "Are you hungry, dear?"

"A little", the whitehaired confessed and answered with a smile of her own. "Dinner is already on the table; your timing could not be better. With a full belly, you will feel better at once."

It had always been like this. It did not matter whether it was the middle of the night or during noon, she always was welcome. A bed was ready for her and even during the coldest winter, when the stocks got low, Joana put the best of food on the table. She did not come over often, around thrice a year, and she rarely stayed longer than a few nights. But if there was something coming close of being a home, it was this yard. And if there was something like a family, it was these people, who stayed in the south of Ithilien despite all adversity.

Mirak put another plate on the table and Rai looked up, wondering. There was someone missing… "What about Radir?"

Joana stared beaming as soon as she had started talking, and she seemed to be at least ten years younger. "Our oldest one has married", she declared proudly. "A maiden from the very south of Rohan, beautiful as a spring's morning."

Rai blinked in surprise. She had never heard of this woman… but since her visits took place on rare occasions, it hardly was a challenge. "Congratulations!" Then she turned to Mirak. "I guess you're next", she laughed, however he did not take the joke and murmured instead: "I don't think so."

"There's a lid for every pot", Rai asserted and hectically stopped Joana, who was on her way to completely overload her plat with food. For a while they ate in silence, before Mirak spoke up again. "What happened to your finger?"

Rai sighed and looked up from her dinner. "The long story or the short one?", she asked.

"The short", Haldir answered and watched his son with disapproval. Could his curiosity not wait, until they had finished dinner? It was obvious, their guest was hungry.

"The Elvenking cut it off."

With an unpleasant sound, a fork fell to the ground and Rai pulled a face. "You wanted to know", she grumbled and squashed some potatoes on her plate.

"You met the Elvenking?", Haldir exclaimed and Rai nodded and put a fork full of potatoes in her mouth. "I hope, there won't be another time. He's an asshole."

"Pardon?" Joana's eyes widened and the whitehaired picked up a few green beans from her plate. She would not take back what she had said. However, before she could answer, a panicked scream cut through the tense silence and she flinched. It hailed from the courtyard… and that was where Leo had coiled up for a nap. Without hesitating, she jumped off her chair und made it to the door. She knew, Leo would not kill careless (at least not anymore), yet if he felt threatened he would attack first and ask questions later.

To her surprise, there was no second scream and as she passed the door, she knew why. "Radir. Hello."

The firstborn son noticed her and he smiled crocked. "Rai. Had I known you would grand us a visit, I would have forewarned Nihal."

Nihal apparently was the woman hiding herself halfway behind his back and peeking from there. Joana did not overact; she really was beautiful. Long hair in a deep blond, flowing down her back in soft waves and sky-blue eyes in a harmonious face.

"She's way too pretty for you", Rai grinned, before hugging him brotherly. Radir laughed. "I know", he admitted and turned around. "Nihal, may I introduce you to Rai? You might remember, we have talked about her."

 _Prate inside_ , Leo grumbled and turned around demonstratively. _I am tired. And the smell of fear makes me hungry._

She rolled her eyes. "Leo wants to sleep. Let's go inside, before he decides to eat someone." Sadly, Nihal did seem to be quite touchy about bad jokes, since she gasped.

With two more people, the table's space was more than tight a few minutes later, however nobody did seem to care. "Radir told about you." This being Nihal's first words, Rai looked up. "I am sorry for causing circumstances, but when I saw the beast, I just…"

"Leo", she answered sharply. "His name is Leo."

"She is quite touchy about this", Mirak murmured and Rai sniffed. Of course, she was, she had every right to be! "Without him, I'd still rot in the dungeons", she growled and fold her arms. "Damned Elvenking, I hope he'll suffer hair loss." Within the past days, her joy about being reunited with Leo had passed and in its place the anger about the injustice and arrogance she had suffered, had set.

Especially, when she had noticed the broken shaft of an arrow, whose head had already begun to ingrown in his leg. The other wound had healed off well, since Leo had managed to pull the arrow out of it completely. With this one however, it did not work out and she had been too late to do it before the wound had started closing. Now, both did not know whether the arrow should remain where it was, or if one had to cut the wound open again to remove the metal-head.

Just now she realised the aghast silence and she raised her eyes. "What is it?"

"You should not talk like this", Joana murmured. "He will curse you."

"The Elvenking of Mirkwood? Thranduil?", Nihal gasped and Rai sighed. "Yes. That one." Did everyone get it by now?

"I have heard he is so beautiful, his sight is unbearable", the woman of Rohan whispered. The whitehaired could only agree. His sight _was_ unbearable… but for different reasons. "The orcs rumour this yard is cursed", she changed the subject and to her relief, Radir got it. "Tell!"

xxx

 _Let it be!_

"I need to wash it!"

 _Water! Be gone!_

"Don't be such a wuss, it's just a leg!"

 _It doesn't hurt._

"So what?!"

Carefully, Rai examined the ingrown arrow. Leo rarely felt pain of it anymore and she was relieved. But she had no idea how (or even if at all) the wound had to be treated, so she had decided to wash it once a day with hot water. It was better than nothing, Leo however was not too fond of it. He still hated water. Even he himself did not know why, yet it disgusted him, and the years had made no change in that.

"Just close your eyes", she advised, then she wiped above the scales carefully with a damp towel. She hurried, so he would not have to suffer much longer.

The wound was not fully healed yet, even though the surface was already closed. She was no healer, how was she supposed to know what to do? Hafdir and Joana had no idea about the appropriate treatment, either. They hadn't been in the halls of healing once in their lives, just the knowledge that had passed from generation to generation in their families was with them in times of need.

 _Done?_

"Done", she answered. Probably, Leo was right and all of this was more about peace of conscience in her own mind, than about the wound he had received.

"How bad is it?" The whitehaired turned around. "I have no idea", she confessed and sighed, as Joana stepped closer. "Maybe Mirak should ask for a healer in Minas Tirth…" "One who treats a Fellbeast? Not in a thousand years." It was the bitter truth. Besides this family, nobody would be willing to help her… Well, apart from Fìriel, but the elleth served in Thranduil's halls, sadly. "The wound isn't infected and I cut off the shaft. There is nothing more I can do."

"The sun did not even rise yet. Would you not like to break the fast with us?"

Rai laughed quietly. "You know if I do, I won't be able to leave today."

"Then at least take something with you."

A smile answered her. "You always say that."

"And still you never listen!" Joana watcher her pleadingly, in her hands a large basket. Loaves of bread, cured meat, dried fruit and vegetables… Enough for not to go hungry a couple of weeks.

Finally, the whitehaired stepped forth and took one loaf of bread, a piece of soap and an apple. The basket she sat back in Joana's hands. "Thank you." She thanked for more than those few supplies. During the last few days, the family had cared for her heart-warmingly. She had been far from well, tired and exhausted and her whole body had ached. Nihal had cooked a giant pot of chicken soup (it had been delicious), but the longer she had stayed, the longer she felt like a parasite. She had not been able to help, to do anything, and two days even she had slept until noon… so she had decided to leave, as soon as she was any better.

Grieving, the yard's lady looked at her. It was useless, to try to make Rai stay. She had done so more than once, especially during the first years. However, the whitehaired was a restless soul. She never stayed long anywhere, not even with them and secretly, Joana wondered what it was that Rai searched for so desperate it made unable to find peace.

"Do not be gone for too long", she murmured and Rai smiled. "I never do."

She put the loaf and the soap in her bag carefully and climbed between the spikes on Leo's back with ease. Joana's hair flew back, as the beast took off with two enormous swings.

"Farewell."

xxx

"Snow?" Surprised, Rai blinked up to the sky and factual, a few flakes did fall down to earth. Leo would not be happy, even though snow was way better for him than rain. But it was unusual… There was rarely snow in the plains, mostly it was common in the higher regions, especially this early.

They had made their way north, to pass the cold months of winter in Arnor… or rather what was still left of it. The king of the Great North Realm had died more than two hundred years ago, without declaring the succession of his throne and thus the kingdom had been thriced. The new realms however wore each other down in wars of nothingness. Large parts of the once great realm were uninhabited and the winters not as harsh as the ones at the cost or in the mountains. Yet it seemed, this one could be an exception, she noted, and put another branch of wood to the fire.

A few years ago, they had found this half-lapsed cabin during one of their journeys north, probably a poacher's work. Nobody lived this deep in the Ettenmoors, it had gone back to wilderness long ago. Actually, this small place at the river of Amon Sûl was perfect for a lonely hunter -or an anchoret and a Fellbeast. Together, they had rebuilt the cabin, along with a shelter for Leo, since he would not fit inside the refuge if he tried. But now there was a bed (professionally consisting of a few wooden planks and furs), a chair that was not behind the bed in the art of questionable constructing, a small chest, a table with exactly two cups and plates (in case one would break) and an open fireplace. Besides that, there was a single window which had magically survived all the years of neglection and a few furs on the floor.

Maybe they could make visit at the markets in Minas Tirith, before winter would set in completely, to get a new pair of boots for her… On the other hand, she might also do so in Fornost, since even though its markets were not closely as gorgeous as the ones in the White City, they would hold a cobbler or two, to work some leather.

Nearing wings pulled her from thinking and she got out of the cabin to greet Leo, who set a dead bar to the ground.

 _Something is in the north._

"In the north?", she asked, thrown off.

 _Yes. I feel it._

North of the Ettenmoors lay the mountains and behind them, there was not much… Yet, she had heard rumours about somebody claiming the lands, even though nobody seemed to know what was about it, since it was rarely more than wasteland.

"We'll fly at nightfall."


	10. Chapter 9 - Between heaven and earth

This is chapter nine for you ~

I like it a lot, since it really pushes Rai and Leo to their limits... I am so SO proud of how much love the two of them get. I was afraid, this story wouldn't get much credit, since the whole plot-idea is kinda... strange I guess. However, every single supporting word makes me so strong and proud. I love you all :)

xxx

 ** _What would life be, without us having the bravery to risk something?_**

\- Vincent van Gogh

xxx

A huge advantage of Leo's black scales was his body being able to meld with the darkness of night. In her dark clothes, she was almost as camouflaged as he was, as she wrapped her scarf closer around her. They had to cross the mountains, Leo had said, and she believed him inconsiderately. He had served under Gormlaith for many years, fought uncountable fights… and got an unmistakable feeling for battle after all this time. And as he made his way down to the tails of the mountains, searching for prey, it had overcome him. It was beyond any reason, without explanation, but he knew something was going on behind these mountains. And whatever it was, it was no good. Heavy clouds covered the night sky as the black beast fly over the snow-covered peaks. Whatever was going on behind these mountains was everything but good.

The time passed slow like tar, nevertheless at some point they had passed the mountains and Leo slowly went lower, since the air so high made their breathing hard.

Finally, a flickering fire appeared at the mountain's feet… and then a second. A third… More and more glowed into the night. And in between them: orcs. No dozen. No hundred… It was an army. And all of them were prepared for war. Rai sucked in a harsh breath. She was grateful that after passing the mountains, Leo flew still higher than he normally would, which made it almost impossible to detect him in the black sky.

 _Army of orcs. I've seen too often… They are preparing for battle._

"There's far more than a thousand… two thousand… still more, I don't know how many", she whispered appalled and stared at the creatures, while Leo almost stopped in kid-air to avoid getting closer. She had seen orcs, fought them, killed them, yet this was pure terror and for the very first time since she could remember, she was terrified. Purely terrified.

 _Everything is well. Don't fear. They smell fear_ , Leo warned. _They have a goal… they are prepared for battle. But where are they heading?_

Whoever was this attack's target had to be warned. They had to ascertain whom against this army was going to battle. Rai swallowed down her fear. "Every army has messengers… we have to capture one."

 _The mountains get lower in the east, no Warg can pass the Misty Mountains._

"Let's go. We don't have time."

Silently, the beast turned east. To catch a messenger in this area was pure luck, they had to be patient… and careful. If they were discovered, it would be their end. Nobody would let the two of them away alive.

However, luck was with them.

 _There!_

"What is it?", she whispered. Her eyes were poor in comparison to Leo's, at least in the dark. Still, she saw the single warg-rider Leo had made out, dashing out from the fires to the west -whatever was there. "Get him!"

Leo swung himself around. Rai could not see nearly as clearly as he did in the darkness of night, thus he would be the one to lead the chase. They had to wait until the rider was far enough from the camps, out of eyes and ears. The longer they waited, the more tensed Rai became. What, if something went wrong?

 _Now!_

On his command, she leaned forward and clawed herself to the large spike, to stay on Leo's back, as the beast launched down to earth. No more than a second before colliding, the orc noticed them, however it was too late and within the blink of an eye, Leo's claws pierced the warg, throwing the animal lifeless aside. Its rider was tossed to the ground and before he had chance to grab his weapon, Leo's claws nailed him to the ground. Rai got off his back. The very first time, Leo and herself had captured a messenger, they had gotten no information at all. But they had learned, improved, and this time things would go different.

"Whom are you marching against?"

A hiss answered and Rai took a deep breath. She could not and would not let him daunt her! "You should say whatever you know… or Leo will eat you alive. One finger after another… And when no finger is left, your toes. One after another. Then he'll rip the flesh of your bones… on your arms. On your legs… until nothing is left."

The Fellbeast grit his teeth. He would savour this orc alive, piece after piece, until he told them what they wanted to know. "Gondor", the orc snarled.

 _Lie!_

Rai let her blade switch open and looked down at the filthy creature. "He can smell your lies, orc." She bowed down and before the prisoner could react, the blade had cut off two fingers from the hand that was pressed down under Leo's claws. Black blood dripped down and the orc grunted. She knew how painful the amputation of a finger was and the irony of the orc being in the same position as herself in front of the Elvenking did not go unnoticed.

"So… messenger." Emotionlessly she starred down at the orc as she repeated her question. "Whom are you marching against?"

A minute passed and two more fingers got amputated while Leo put further press in the orc's body. She could almost hear bones cracking under the pressure. "The Woodland Realm", the mutilated creature spluttered and she flinched. "The Woodland Realm… Mirkwood!"

"They will burn", the orc gasped and his nearly fingerless hand twitched. "At the Stars' Change, they will burn!"

The Stars' Change? What was this supposed to -of course! Midwinter! The longest night of the year; the shortest day! But… That was no more than four days away! "How do you pass the mountains to the east?"

"Burn!", the warg-rider rejoiced and gave a gross laugh. Rai grit her teeth. "How?"

Instead of an answer he laughed, almost euphoriant. "Burn!" Even louder his hysterical laugher got and finally Rai realised she would get no more information from this prisoner. She stepped aside and with one swift movement, Leo ripped the creature's head off. Within a few seconds, he had shred the body into pieces and wolfed it down, then savouring the warg's carcass. The less proof they left, the better.

Yet, she hesitated. The Woodland Realm… The Elvenking. Too well she remembered their last meeting. She did not want to meet him, had no debts with him. In fact, it was the other way round! He had done her injustice, mutilated her, jailed her!

And then, Fíriel's face popped up and she grit her teeth again. She could not let anything happen to her. She would not! The Elleth had saved her life and she would pay back this favour. Not, because she had to, but because she wanted from the very depth of her heart.

"We need to get to Mirkwood."

xxx

Rai quivered from exhaustion and cold. The Misty Mountains were way harder to pass than the ones northly of the Ettenmoors and during this season it was freezing. It was madness, pure madness, to want to pass them during the winter, however there was no choice. To cross the mountains in the south would take by far too much time. She had no idea how the orcs intended march all the way to Mirkwood in just for days; crossing the Misty Mountains alone was almost impossible with weather conditions as these. It was torture, even for Leo, to stand against the icy winds. In addition, none of them had slept this night and would not either, until they had reached the Woodland Realm. They could not rest, if their warning should arrive there on time.

She was barely able to move her fingers and in foreseeing had tied herself to the spikes on Leo's back to prevent from falling in case her legs would stop supporting her, thanks to the cold. As soon as the Misty Mountains were behind them, they would cross the plains and behind them Mirkwood would be. They had travelled so much, seen so many lands, yet this would put them on their limits, both were aware.

Time passed, no matter how slowly. Every hour was an eternity, each minute a lifetime. And on and on they went, one life down, another to begin with… and after oh so much incarnations, the peaks got lower. Rai took a trembling breath. Her body was numb from cold and even Leo's wings had lost their swiftness.

 _You need to rest._

"No", she panted. "We go on." If they finally, finally got to the plains, the cold would not pierce their skin like arrows anymore. Leo did not answer, yet she was aware he was everything but happy with her stubbornness.

An age passed, years after years in an icy hell, before they passed the last foothills and she made her fingers move. They did not even hurt, instead they had become totally numb. Besides, the blue colour was quite unedifying. At least, the worst was over, since they had reached the plains.

 _The sun rises_ , Leo noticed. _Over there is Anduin._

Reality set in, when she saw the very first red glow in the east, reflected by the Great River's floods. They had done it. They had crossed the Ettenmoors, the Misty Mountains, all the way to the river Anduin in a single night! It was crazy, it was madness. They were mad.

"This is the most beautiful sunrise I've ever seen", she whispered and stared into the glowing sunbeams, hovering the horizon. If they made it all this way, they would make it to the east of Mirkwood, too. "Do you think anybody has ever done something like this?"

 _Nobody would be mad enough._

He was right, she guessed and watched down, into Anduin's red glittering waters. Mirkwood was not far by now and as soon as they had crossed the endless forest, Thranduil's Halls were right in front of them. As the first trees emerged below them, Rai hesitated. How was she supposed to get to the Elvenking at all? The Halls were heavily guarded and she had few doubts they would try shooting Leo down from the sky. However, she was too exhausted to think too hardly about any of this. Everything she knew was, she had to reach the Halls of the Woodland Realm. This was her goal, this kept her going. She had to get to the Halls, before that she might not rest. Painfully, she released the ties around her waist, using fingers without feeling in them and her teeth.

The sun had kept rising, now shining high in the sky, the warmth easing the worst cold of her skin. Still her body ached, especially her right hand, which always was more sensitive than the rest of her. She forced herself to pull together one last time, when they detected the river flowing below the age-old trees. "We can't be far from the bridge."

Leo's swings slowed down, on him the strenuous effort took its effect as well and his wings' muscles trembled. Not much longer and they would stop supporting him. Yet finally, _finally_ white marble shone through the green leaves. Nearly free falling, the black beast crashed to into the bridge. Rai got off his back, nothing but sheer willpower preventing her from falling to her knees. Four guards went towards her, but they were either too surprised to attack, or Fellbeast and rider were in such deplorable condition, it was not seen as necessary. Probably the last.

"The Elvenking", she rasped and steadied herself on Leo's flank to prevent her legs from giving out. There was no feeling left in them. "I need to talk to the Elvenking."

"You have been expelled from the Realm, you are forbidden to cross these borders."

"They are coming", she coaxed. "From the west." A dry cough interrupted her, her throat rough as tree bark. The guards looked at each other, almost seemed to be overstained; then two of them readied their bows and nocked an arrow in each to point at Leo. The other ones grabbed her arms to twist them behind her back, in attempt to be able to control her -as if she was a threat in her actual condition. Only now they crossed the bridge and entered the Great Halls of the woodland folk. More being carried, than waking herself, the whitehaired finally found herself in front of the throne on which, the crown on his noble head, the Elvenking sat.

" _Aran nîn [My king]."_ These words she recognised, however the following explanation in Sindarin she was unable to understand. Still, it was obvious what it was about and so she tiredly interrupted the report. "Leo and I passed the Ettenmoors, all the way across the northly mountains. There were orcs. Thousands… I don't know how many. We captured a messenger, they… they march east. At the Star's Change, they will reach Mirkwood."

Silence filled the giant hall for a while, before Thranduil spoke up. "What reason do I have to believe you?"

She felt her legs giving out after all and broke down in the grip of the elven guards. "I have no proof, other than my word… and Leo's."

Again, long moments passed. Thranduil's icy blue eyes watched her, yet he did not say a word. After what seemed to be hours, he got up. Orders in Sindarin fell, two elves left the place and one of her guards also went away in hurry.

Another minute passed, then an elleth she recognised raced into the king's hall. The whitehaired, kept up only by the guard's firm grip on her arm, gave a small smile. "Fíriel…" "Rai!", the healer called and hurried to get to her, as she shooed to guard away. "Child, what have you done?"

"Crossed the Ettenmoors… the Misty Mountains. Anduin. In a single night", she breathed and as she noticed the unbelieving, nearly shocked expression in the healer's face, a small seed of pride took place in her heart.

"My Lord, allow me to tread her in the halls of healing. Her frostbites have to be tended." Thranduil nodded and Rai shuddered. "Leo… You need to tell Leo I'm well."

And then everything turned black.


	11. Chapter 10 - Trust

This is chapter 10 and it is actually on time - I'm kinda proud.

Since my Beta-reader Lisa, the unfaithful tomatoe, is on vacation somewhere in US for a couple of weeks, the next chapters won't be beta-read, I fear. Still, I hope for the best.

Jay: Thank you so much :)

xxx

 ** _Trust is good. Control is better._**

\- (probably) Wladimir Iljitsch Lenin

xxx

Her first diagnosis was quite positive: She was warm and laying under a soft blanket. The second sadly was not, since she was warm and curled within the hall she recognised as the one she had been healed in a few month ago.

"You have awakened."

"Hello, Fìriel", she sighed and blinked into the soft light. "How are you?"

The elleth smiled. "My wellbeing does not matter at this point; however, I am fine. I thank you for your concern."

"Please tell me, he did believe me." Stolid, she sat up and groaned as she noticed her bandaged hands. She smelled herbage beneath the bandages and clenched a fist. For a while, the healer kept silent, before answering. "The army has been put on standby. The border's guards are doubled; scouts have been moved into position. Our king is waiting."

"I don't know where they'll hail from. Neither, how they are going to cross the Misty Mountains during this weather. It was torture, even for Leo and myself."

"I know, child", she answered and took Rai's bandaged hand in both of her own carefully. She had been able to safe her fingers and every single one of her toes. It did not go without saying, since parts of her frozen flesh had almost died off. "Your actions have been very noble."

Rai made a face. "I didn't do it for him", she answered and turned away slightly. "I owe nothing to him."

"It does not change the matter, since you put your very life at risk to warn our people."

"I didn't risk any more than a few fingers and I don't even have all of those anymore", the whitehaired answered and Fìriel decided to keep silent. Without proper treatment, her right hand would have been lost, next to three fingers on her left hand. Her feet would have been beyond saving and she'd have to use crickets for the rest of her life. Just a mere three hours later, the cold would have crept into her vital parts, marking her ultimate death. Whether she just did not know or decided to ignore, Fìriel was unable to say.

"How long did I sleep?"

"The sun is setting for night", the healer informed and Rai nodded. When Leo and herself had made it to Mirkwood, it had been forenoon. A day had passed, three more would follow; then the orcs would arrive at the woods. And then? What was she supposed to do? She needed to talk to Leo and besides – the hall's doors opened and Rai was aware who entered, before she even saw his face. She sat up a little straighter, yet she was certain her appearance was likely miserable. Watchful she waited, as he crossed the room in elegant, nearly floating steps.

"You are neither dull, nor smart enough to put your life at risk for a mere farce", the Elvenking noted and let his eyes wander down to her. "So… For what purpose did you take this voyage?"

Rai blinked twice. "I think", she finally asserted, "You just insulted me." Thranduil did not answer, so finally Rai turned to Fìriel, who was silently standing guard next to her bed. "Did he insult me?"

The healer looked at her king with an unreadable expression. "You saved this folk from great harm. Our king appreciates the sacrifices you made."

"So, he _did_ insult me", she concluded, since the elleth had refused to answer her question properly. "I give a fuck about you", she finally answered and shrugged, as if all this was none of her business. "Fìriel is the one who saved my life, not you."

The king's icy blue eyes tightened, yet his voice remained unimpressed as ever. "Your articulation certainly did not improve."

"Neither did your personality."

To his utter surprise, he saw her lips twitch for a mere moment; however, it had passed almost too quickly and he decided it was not worth of reacting. "You did not cross way with those orcs by accident", he stated. "For what purpose did you travel so far north?"

"Leo and I intended to pass the winter in Arnor, at the Ettenmoors. We are not quite… compatible… with society." She pulled the words long, almost seemed to be pensive. "Leo was hunting. When he returned, he told of something gathering in the north. He has a… feeling for battle, you know. Anyway, we decided to have a look and at nightfall, we made our way across the mountains." She shuddered and shook her head. "I don't know, how many orcs sat between the fires", she confessed. "A thousand or two thousand or more… We had to know whom they were marching against and decided to capture a messenger. At first, he claimed to march to Gondor; it was a lie… and when he finally told the truth… the Woodland Realm would burn at Star's Change." Thranduil's body remained calm as always, yet she noticed his pupils tighten. "I don't know how they intend to cross the Misty Mountains with these weather conditions and four days are not much time. This, we decided to make our way to Mirkwood." Then she frowned. "Where is Leo, by the way?"

"The _Fell_ took refuge within the forest", Thranduil answered and cocked his head. "The trees seem to enjoy his presence." Even though he did not understand, how his forest could embrace something this abnormal and disgusting. Still, it remained the truth: The trees were delighted with the beast.

A bandaged finger pointed at him and Rai looked at him accusingly. "You think badly of him." Astonished, he raised a single eyebrow at the whitehaired in front of him. "I know, whenever somebody does", she asserted and crossed her arms. Why did people always refused to see the friend behind his appearance? It just was not right to be that superficial.

"It pains you", the Elvenking noted and she bobbed her head. "That's none of your business."

"It is not", he confessed and her eyes squinted. "Don't you have a realm to reign or anything else important to do?"

Thranduil lifted one of his striking eyebrows. "I am king of this realm since more than a thousand years… If you think you may teach me, you are wrong."

"So, you're not just a grumbler, but a very old grumbler."

"Pardon?"

Rai chuckled at the nearly stunned expression on the great Elvenking's face, however before he could answer, the door was opened a second time. "Adar."

Thranduil turned around and gave a nod to his son. "I am on my way, Legolas."

Without a word of farewell, the king followed his son and Rai sighed, before she shuffled into her sheets again. This conversation had been quite tiring.

xxx

"Remember not to strain your feet too much", Fíriel admonished and Rai nodded, before carefully getting on her crickets. The healer did not think too well of her decision to get up already, yet Rai had not given in. She had slept the whole night and was far from tired by now.

Still she had to know, whether Leo was all right. Hopefully, he had been able to fill his stomach, hopefully he was alright and well. Of course, these giant halls had more entrances than one, however the main one was the only one they knew. While Fìriel walked next to her, Rai limped carefully through the labyrinth of corridors. She had a well-developed sense or orientation, but everything here was so confusing and way too large… without guidance, she would be lost. Surprised she noted, how many elves remained within the great halls and when she asked Fìriel about it, the elleth explained: "Many families live outside the forest and the halls. Our king granted them refuge within his palace, if war should emerge."

Rai blinked. Thranduil really had to care about his people… To feed so many elves and grant them a bed was surely anything but a simple task. Especially, since she knew, that her word and warning alone was no guarantee for an actual battle.

"I remember, when Oropher asked for refuge within this forest thousands of years ago, before he was crowned king", Fìriel narrated quietly. "Doriath, his people's great halls, were utterly destructed. Homeless, he wandered east, a starving folk with him… and a son. When they reached the woods, they have been hungry, thirsty and tired of wandering. We are Silvan, wood-elves, and many of us never had seen our nobler cousins before… Oropher pleaded for a meal, to fill his peoples' stomachs, and none of us had ever seen an Eldar of greater beauty. His hair was pure starlight… We asked him to rest, to tell us, how the mighty Sindar could be without home. And he told us. Oh, child, you cannot imagine how they have mourned, as they told of the great halls, the most magnificent in all of Arda… and it was Aegnor who suggested to rebuild them in our forest. So they did… not even a hundred years later, he accepted the king's title."

It seemed, the elleth's eyes were looking straight into another age, eons ago… And probably, they did. A few minutes passed in silence, then they walked through the gates outside. Rai felt the eyes laying on her, and automatically tried to straighten her stance - which was quite useless, since she was walking on crickets.

The sound of wings in the distance made her raise her eyes and the black beast's figure got nearer above the woods, before it got down on the white bridge. It was a bizarre contrast between the white stone and Leo's black scales. "Fìriel put me on crickets", Rai laughed and Leo made a shrill, clicking sound, which she knew all too well.

The healer watched her patient in wonder and the whitehaired chuckled. "This is his way of laughing", she explained and the elleth looked at the Fellbeast, staggered. These creatures being able to laugh was something entirely new to her.

"Fìriel?", Rai began slowly and looked up pleadingly. "Would you mind to take a look at his leg? He was shot the… uhm… last time and the arrow grew in."

The healer hesitated for a moment, then she stepped closer. Neither Rai nor Leo missed, how the gate's guards nocked arrows at their bows to point them at the beast. Still, Fìriel bowed down. "The shaft is broken", she noted and Rai nodded. "The head was grown in, when I was able to look at it and neither of us knew how to treat it properly…"

Fìriel nodded. "The head would need to be removed surgically", she confirmed. "Does it impair him?"

 _No_ , Leo answered and Rai stepped aside to get a better look.

"If the wounded one was an eldar, or a human -or even a dwarf- I would remove the arrow's head", she said finally. "However, since none of us has any experience in the treatment of dark creatures, it would be foolish to take a risk… If he feels no negative consequences of the wound as it is, our treatment could do even greater damage."

Rai nodded and carefully caressed the scarred, thickly grown skin. The flesh underneath had hardened, yet she trusted Fìriel. This was the second morning, since they arrived in Mirkwood, the next would have the orcs arriving -at least as far as her information was correct.

 _Well, since this is settled…_

"How did you manage to do this?", she asked and the _Fell_ made an almost pitiable sound.

 _You don't want to know_ , Leo grumbled and the whitehaired shook her head. "Get down so I can reach you."

The beast lowered his body and finally lay down, almost taking the whole length of the bridge, on the white stone. His head was on the ground and he opened his jaws. Rai made a face. "You really need a humbug."

 _What's a humbug?_

"I have no idea but you need one", she griped and bowed forward. Fìriel shuddered, as the child got between the jaws. "Could you breathe a little less?" _Don't be so sensible_. "I'll remember you the next time it starts to rain", she shot back and crawled a little deeper inside the opened mouth. "Found it", she stated. Between the long teeth, a single bone had had got stuck. She grabbed it, but as soon as she touched it, Leo flinched. His jaws jerked and Rai poked the black tongue. "If you bite down now, you'll have to find another gawk."

 _What's a gawk?_

"I have no idea", she repeated frustrated, and carefully loosed a piece of splintered bone. "I bet it has something to do with a humbug." To be sure, she warned him, before she loosened the splinter between the teeth and tossed it away carelessly. Now, she could pull out the main part of the bone and it got loose with a jerk. Carefully, Rai got it out and crawled back, out of the jaws. Her fingers' bandages were drenched in salvia.

Creaking, the teeth snapped again inside the winged beast's mouth and Leo smacked twice, testing, before he got up again. _Thanks._

She didn't get to answer. Clangourous hoof beat announced the arrival of riders, however the mounts stopped and pranced back, as soon as they dashed out of the trees' shadows and saw the beast resting on the bridge.

The whitehaired hugged him a last time, then he got up in the air with a swing and disappeared above the trees. She stepped aside, yet the four riders remained at the bridge's entrance. Rai lifted an eyebrow. "Do you want to cross the bridge or not?", she murmured and stepped aside demonstrative - hard enough with her crickets.

A few more moments passed, then the riders dashed past her, through the opened gate and inside the halls. They were messengers… and apparently, they were in a hurry.


	12. Chapter 11 - Not like you

I did it!

I don't know how, but I managed to finish the chapter on time.

Again: Thank you so, SO much for all your amazing feedback! You have no idea how much it keeps me going.

xxx

 ** _And he is not one of us_**

 ** _He has never been one of us_**

 ** _He is not part of us_**

 ** _Not our kind._**

\- The Lion King, Not one of us

Rai clenched a fist. Her right hand's fingers were quite stiff; however, she had gotten used to it a long time ago. A few minutes ago, Fìriel had loosened her bandages, still the healer had other duties to attend to. Thus, she sat alone on the edge of her bed within the halls of healing and pondered.

She still had another evening… one more evening to decide. Tomorrow night, the stars would change; the orcs would reach the forest. And either, Leo and herself would leave this evening, or they had to wait until the battle was done. What would it be? Leo felt incredibly well within Mirkwood, but – again, a door opened and she was torn out of thoughts. Was it that hard to spare her a few minutes to brood over all of this in silence?!

Surprisingly, the door did not open more than a few inches altogether and so she frowned, before standing up. Whoever was struggling with the simple task of entering this room, went on her nerves a great deal. Ungracefully, she jerked open the door and blinked. Nobody was there. She blinked again and a few moments passed, then her eyes lowered and she noticed a small figure, not even high enough to reach her navel.

For a while, she stared at the elvish child, which stared back just as dumbly. Finally, Rai got a grip. "Did you get lost?"

The kid shook its head. So, this was what Elven-children looked like… Rai could not remember to have ever seen something lovelier. She never had been gooey, yet this little boy with his only shoulder long, chestnut brown hair seemed to glow from inside. His big, rounded eyes stared to the ground and instinctually, Rai went down to her knees, in order be at a lower high.

"Are you feeling unwell?", she asked and the boy wagged his head; still not daring to lift his eyes. The whitehaired sighed and sat down in front of him. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-two", was the murmured answer and Rai choked. Twenty-two?! "Then you're a big boy", she forced out, but at least this seemed to be the right answer, since the child finally looked up. "Nana says, soon I may ride on Rhimír all by myself", he said proudly. "Rhimrír is your horse?", she guessed and the child shook his head again. "Ada's horse", he explained. "Do you have a horse?" The big, brown puppy-eyes watched her in wonder and Rai shook her head. "I can't ride." "So you walk everywhere?" "Are you always that curious?" "Nana says, I shall not question that much", the boy confessed and blinked. "You are no elleth", he then stated, proud of it being a statement and no question.

"And it is better this way." Two heads turned. "You should not be here, Elfling", Thranduil noted and the boy stared to the ground again, without uttering a word.

"Great, now we're at nothing again", Rai muttered and got up. In front of her, just a few feet away, stood the Elvenking and watched her with unreadable eyes. "Eavesdropping is considered quite rude, by the way", she commented. Thranduil did not even bother to answer, he would not go down to such a low level. He knew, he should not have withdrawn the hall's guards, however the truth was, he was concentrating his troops for battle and could not afford to even spare a single soldier.

Ever since yesterday's evening, the signs had increased and during dawn, two of his scouts got back in a haste to report. An army of orcs marched within the darkness from north… and they got closer fast. If he would not have prepared, they would have been spotted no more than a day's march off his borders. Luckily, his people already had made their way into his halls for protection, still the amount of coordination that was required to keep everything running was high. The kitchen's fires never died, hastily made palettes had been set up, to shelter all the people seeking help within his halls – in addition to the warriors which by now were truly preparing for battle.

And within all this coordinated chaos, one of his officer's son had gotten lost. Actually, it was required of him to be able to keep his offspring at bay, however there was so much to do and even the Elfling's mother did her very best to help wherever she could. And this, the inescapable happened: The Elfling had disappeared and finally his father, getting more desperate by the second, had asked his king for help.

Thranduil could not afford to spare even one of his officers this close to battle, that much had been clear to both of them. Thus, he had issued command to some of his soldiers, to seek out the lost Elfling, yet their efforts had been in vain. However, these halls held places the search-party did not enter, since it was forbidden to them as it was to most of his people… and next to his own chambers, this ban included the part of the halls of healing, Rai was staying at. And since he wanted to get this over with, he had made his way down to this place personally and had -at this point barely even surprised- found his obstinate guest, as well as the lost offspring, sitting on the floor.

"Ravien!" He stepped aside to let the _Elleth_ pass, who had begged for permission to accompany him. Thranduil remember too well the past days Legolas had been an Elfling – and an exceptionally curious one that is. Had he not been of the Eldar, but of the race of men instead, his adventurous son surely would his hair have had turn grey. "Give way, corrupted creature!"

Rai looked up and for the mere blink of an eye, he saw nothing but pain cross her eyes. Yet, a single moment later, her features hardened and she stepped back. Thranduil answered something and even though he was talking in Sindarin, she noticed the reprehension within his words. The Elleth's eyes widened and she stared at her king appalled, before murmuring something that Rai recognised as an apology, even without being able to understand the elves' tongue. Thranduil's face showed resentment and she seemed to shrivel in front of his eyes. Rai smiled bitterly. "She is right, isn't she?"

"Nana says, I need to keep off evil creatures." It was Ravien who broke the tense silence. "But you are nice, you are not evil. Nana! Nana, say something!"

"I beg for forgiveness", the child's mother murmured finally, her eyes lowered to the ground, yet Rai did not answer. The Elleth had spoken her words exactly as they were meant – and she would not accept this apology, since it changed nothing at all. Instead, she turned to the little boy, plucking his mother's dress. "You should take care. Getting lost can be dangerous."

Thranduil did not miss the fact she seemed to be talking from experience and with a short gesture, sent Elleth and Elfling off. With a deep bow, she disappeared, Ravien in his arms, and Rai looked up. Black eyes met ones in crystal blue and she blinked, irritated. Such bright eyes… she had never seen such bright eyes.

 _He is all I have and he has nothing but me._ Her words, as she begged for the _Fell's_ life, he remembered. Even humans with her simple _fae_ would recognise her abnormity, would avoid her, since she was neither light, nor darkness and he cocked his head ever so slightly, as he searched deeper into her pitch-black eyes. Broken, she was neither one, nor the other and he dipped his head almost unnoticeably. Sometimes, he thought he saw spots of light, as if her eyes resembled her broken self, being as torn as her spirit.

"You wander and yet your way ends in nothingness." The words slipped off his tongue, before his mind could stop them. "You do not know your goal."

"I don't have a goal", she mumbled and swallowed, as Thranduil paced closer. She wanted to tore her eyes away; the Elvenking had no right to sniff that deep within her own mind – and that was what he did, she could feel it. She could not name, nor describe what happened, yet there was something and it was mighty. Her lips opened, yet before she could forbid him to go on with… whatever it was that he did… the corners of his mouth tipped upwards and made her shiver. "This is my realm", he exhaled and bowed forward another inch. "Nothing is forbidden to me, for I am king."

Rai grit her teeth. She could not look away; she was not strong enough. The crystal-blue eyes kept her prisoner, stared deep inside into what maybe she could not even admit to herself… yet she would be damned, if she did not even manage to do a proper payback! She let herself being pulled into her counterpart's bright eyes, went deeper and heard a little laugh, origin from the deepest part of his throat. The elf was very aware she was unable to elude his gaze. No mortal could, yet it amused him, how quickly she had given up. He had expected more fight within her – and _his fae_ he would not give away, no matter, how hard she tried.

The black eyes finally widened and she focussed on his face's left side. There was something behind his iris, something hidden… She did not know what it was, however, this eye was not normal, instead it was… "Artificial", she mumbled. "Not your own." What was wrong with it? What was lingering behind the surface?

Thranduil frowned almost unnoticeably. He did not care (was in wonder, though) about her ability to recognise the illusion stretching along his face. She would not be able to undo it. Still, he wished to know what she was aiming for. What was it, that she wished to accomplish? Every intelligent being had a vision, something, that kept them going. What was her vision? He wished to know -had to know- since only then he would truly be aware of what it was, that chased this strange creature and did not let her rest. Oddly, this restlessness saddened him, for there was hardly anything crueller, than having to wander aimlessly… Maybe he would seek out the intent she was unable to recognise.

And then, the spell was broken.

Too sudden was the break and he blinked to catch himself. Then, he lowered his eyes on the figure laying on the ground. She had fainted… that had been unexpected. It had not been his intention, to force her more than what was bearable. Yet, she did not lament, gave no warning. He knew this might happen, whenever an Eldar crept into a mortal's spirit, still… he had been cautious. He did not cause her pain, only sought answers within the broken pieces of herself.

He stepped closer and finally bowed down, to lift her motionless figure. With few paces, he crossed the room, before putting his charge carefully on her bed.

For this accident, Fìriel would probably exile him, if she could.

xxx

"I would expel him, if he was not my king!"

Rai blinked. Damn, she had a headache. And the voice next to her to her, inflamed with rage, was not helpful at all.

"Her _fae_ is even more fragile than a butterfly's wing, and he did… she could have fallen into madness!"

"Fìriel…"

"No, Baenor! If it was not for him already marching out along with the army, I would give him a piece of my mind!"

Marching off? Oh, yeah… there was something. Thranduil… He had been searching for something, anything, and she had been unable to fight him. And at some point, the desire to do so had been gone. Too deep she had been within those eyes made of crystal, too bright, too mighty, and she had wished to know what was hidden behind them. Yet after a while, it had been too much, too bright, too powerful. One part of her own had sought the light, for it was beautiful, wonderful… however, another part had pulled back, the light had been all too bright, blinding, painful. On and on this dispute, had gone, deeper and deeper… and some when everything had just been black. As if her very self-had grasped for its last refuge in order avoid being pushed to its final breaking-point.

"We do not have time for this discussion, Fìriel. Preparations need to be done, the wounded will need treatment after battle." Battle? Ah, yes, the orcs. Her head felt as if someone had stuffed cotton inside and slowly, her mind cleared somewhat. "Our king hold command in battle as hardly any Eldar is able to. They will fall for this trap; it is only a matter of time."

"And in this time, our people will die."

"They are aware."

"It does not diminish the pain of those who stay behind."

Yes, she remembered… Fìriel had lost her own family in war. Rai sat up and shook her head as if the motion might chase off even more irritating thoughts. The talking next to her stopped and two pairs of eyes set on her, only one that she recognised.

"What is he up to?", she asked and blinked unwillingly. Why was it that damn bright in here?

"The lord put up an ambuscade at the north borders", the healer answered. "However, no orc will run into it blindly… they will follow the bait. The unit will allure as many opponents as possible into the forest, yet many soldiers will not survive this hunt."

So, Thranduil was going to lure the orcs into a trap and sacrifice this own peoples' life in the process? Damn, her head pounded.

"The king would never force his people to march into certain death! The battalion's every single member did volunteer for this duty!" The other elf –what was his name? Baenor?- seemed to pretty much disagree with Fìriel's view and it took Rai a few seconds to process what the Ellon was pointing to. The battalion luring the orcs would probably pay with their own lives… they would sacrifice themselves.

The whitehaired kept silence for a few seconds. Then she raised her eyes.

"I need a map and a black cloak."


	13. Chapter 12 - Light and Shadow

I'm late... but well, at least just by a day, since I worked to 1 am yesterday to finish writing this chapter.

After the last chapter I was asked to consider having (another) beta-reader, I think one whose mother-tongue is english, since there are still a lot of mistakes within the story (I am so sorry about that). I'd like to have a few more opinions about that... If you think I'd be better, I'll try to find somebody else who will be able and willing to help me out.

Still, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter :)

xxx

 ** _Out of the dark (the dark, the dark) – You hear the voice that calls:_**

 ** _Into the light (the light, the light) – I give up and close my eyes._**

\- Out Of The Dark, Falco

xxx

 _This is crazy._

"No more crazy than anything we've done so far."

The black cloak waved in the wing beats' wind stream and Rai looked down. They had been flying across Mirkwood, all the way to northeast, right to the elven army. The orcs would attack from north, the Elvenking would counter them with an army of seemingly hectically, as well as incompletely armed soldiers. One division would split up the enemy forces, to lure them inside the forest, since two more battalions had been moved into position right there. Those would be able to attack from behind, while Thranduil's army would finish off all those who had remained on the battlefield. However, the elves who would lure the orcs into their king's set-up, put their lives on the line, to allure the enemy's main forces between the trees.

 _There they are._

Rai nodded. She could already see the orcs; the disgusting creatures had been marching in formation and were now facing the elves. None of them moved, both waiting for the other one's first turn. Leo and herself had made their way in a large curve, thus appearing behind the orcs, facing the elves. It seemed, their timing was quite perfect; both armies already facing each other, merely a few hundred meters separating them.

"If we can do this, we can to anything", she whispered and sat up to her full high on the _Fellbeast's_ back. If she slipped now, if she failed, they both would be shot down from the sky instantly. They were out of the elven warriors' bows' reach for a few more seconds and Rao took one last deep breath, as they closed the distance.

Leo let sound a shrill scream and the orcs turned around instantly. With a few beats of his wings, he passed the very last distance, now hovering above the army. Silence clouded everything for another moment, before her voice cut through. "I need two divisions", she hissed; the sound echoing to the ground as if talking inside a tube. The orcs beneath her watched each other, unsettled.

"Who commands you?", someone questioned, apparently the one in command; a larger and even more repelling creature. No more than half of his face was visible, everything else hidden beneath an ugly, rusty armour. His uncertainty with this unexpected turn of events was obvious; he did not know how to react to the Nazgûl, that had just appeared out of thin air above the battlefield.

"The Master, you fool", she snared and even in her own ears, her voice seemed torn, dark and threatening. "Are you questioning his decisions?"

"Of course I don't", the orc replied coldly. "But two divisions? The Elvenking-" "The Elvenking is hiding she-elves and offspring in a cave inside his forest", she spat. "Slaughter them and wipe out his kingdom!"

Leo screamed shrilly and bared his teeth, as a fusillade of arrows rained down on the battle formation. Thranduil had decided to make his move… and she ran out of time. "Obey or die alone! Who do you think you are?", Rai snarled and a few more moments passed. Then, bellowed orders cut the silence once again.

Two fractions turned towards her and Rai turned around, without even bothering to grand the commander a single other word. Leo veered to the west and under him, the drone of way too many orcs sounded. They were following her… these morons! She had to bite her tongue to prevent herself from laughing loudly.

"They are hiding behind the trees", the whitehaired hissed. "They are unarmed. Kill them! Drown the forest with blood!"

Roaring and shouts filled with thirst for blood answered her, as the orcs, leaving anything even close to array behind them, rushed into the forest… and mere minutes later, blood curling screams of death echoed between the trees. The elves attacked from behind, while a second part had been confronting them at the front. The orcs were caught in deadly nippers in between the trees… and their fate was sealed.

"Idiots."

Leo gave a shrill laugh and jerked around, to head back to the battlefield. They had gotten rid of these two divisions – and Thranduil was already busy finishing off the rest. The battle had already started, the sound of clashing swords and sickening thud of arrows stuck in flesh filled the air. Harsh orders -not Elven ones- and screams…

 _I won't go hungry today._

"Don't overeat yourself, or you'll get that stomach ache again."

Instead of an answer, the Fellbeast shot down and before anyone of them had even a chance to understand what was happening, a dozen orcs had been crushed. She recognized Thranduil's voice, however he commanded in his people's language that she did not understand. Leo's claws tossed aside a couple of orcs; however, by now the orcs had finally realised what was happening. Crossbows got pointed at them and only thanks to letting himself fall down a few meters, he could ditch the arrows. With a few quick wingbeats, he fled to safer regions, hovering above the elven army's heads. Fascinated, she watched the battlefront, were the armies clashed together. Other than the orc warriors, the elves were keeping a remarkable order, even within the bloodiest parts of battle. They fought in teams of three; one archer flanked by two warriors armed with swords. They shielded each other, everyone protecting his comrade's life as if it was the very own. To defeat them, one had to separate them first, which came close to being an impossible task.

At some point, the two battalions positioned within Mirkwood arrived to aid, attacking the enemy sideways, sealing their fate once and for all. After the very last orc dropped dead by an archer's arrow, the elven army went into formation once again. Absolute perfection standing behind their king, like a machine without even the possibility of failure. Leo went down in between black blood and corpses and Rai blinked. Had the Elvenking always been this… bright? It was almost painful to look at him. Leo bowed down and his jaws crushed one of his victims, before wolfing down its upper body. He wasn't interested in elves, if they wouldn't disturb his meal.

Rai gripped her black hood to pull it back and blinked. Did somebody turn the sun brighter?

"You are mad."

It was a simple statement that Thranduil uttered, and the whitehaired blinked again, this time in his direction. Did his hair really have to reflect sunlight this much?

"Of course I am."

Thranduil gave orders that she -once again- did not understand and one section of his army stepped forward. Apparently, they searched for the wounded… even with their superiority and Thranduil's preparations, no battle like this would be without loss. Still, the numbers were low.

Below her, metal screeched between Leo's teeth and a groan made her look downwards. There was something still alive… or rather, someone. The Fellbeast devoured the orc and bowed down again.

 _Elf_ , he stated and Rai jumped off his back. "Help me out here", she gasped and Leo lifted some lifeless carcasses aside. Buried under them lay a single elf, moaning in pain and covered in blood. Maybe he had gotten surrounded by orcs during the battle, she did not know.

 _He smells like death._

"I could need some help here!", she called to the elven army's general direction – there were more than enough of them attendant, after all. Yet, sadly Leo's presence seemed to be an unbreakable barrier and finally it was Legolas, who stepped forward. He had word with two more soldiers, then all three of them lifted the heavily wounded Ellon on a barrow. The elf screamed in agony, his hands reaching for something she could not see, desperately trying to grasp something, anything, to hold onto. Without a second thought she took his blood-stained hand and his fingers clenched around hers; tight enough to make her worry he might break them. For a moment, the elves watched each other doubtful, before their king's voice echoed towards them; yet again she did not understand a word to her utter frustration. Afterwards, they went on; however, as soon as Rai tried to loosen her hand, the Ellon's grip tightened even further, as if he clung to a saving anchor with all his might. Carefully, she responded to his pressure. And as the elves continued their path in long paces, she followed clumsily, since she nearly had to run to be able to keep up.

xxx

Three hundred and seven wounded, one hundred and eighty-three of them heavily, battling death. Ninety-two had already lost that fight, most of them had died on the battlefield. The numbers of lost soldiers were small, especially for a battle this huge; yet every single lost life was one too many, uncountable years of life brutally stolen… He would have a ship to be prepared; thus, the mates of the fallen -Ellyn and Ellith alike- might sail to Valinor, whenever their hearts would be unable to endure pain and grief any longer.

He loved his people, would do anything for the Ellyn and Ellith whose king he was; yet the truth was, that even he had to take a risk during this battle. He did not know from where exactly the orcs would march onto his realm, thus he had to wait his scouts' report before being able to position his warriors. It had been impossible to set up the fight more than a few miles away from his borders and this, keeping to orcs from passing them had been their priority. He had known his soldier would be able to win an open battle, yet it would shed more elvish blood than he was willing to give… and this, one of his officers had asked his permission for a move, that was either foolish beyond measure, or bravery. Maybe of both. A single unit of his soldier would march against the enemy and catch their attention, as many of them as possible… and right afterwards flee inside the forest, driven by what was apparently nothing but utter panic. They knew an orc's lust for blood, for violence and it was certain they would follow the running Eldar inside the forest – right into the arrows and swords of the ambuscade waiting for them. Yes, Bethorn and his soldiers would ride for the fall, yet every single member had volunteered for this duty. He had shared a division's life for the ones within his army and it had pained him, very much so. But he was king, the king of this forest and these people and no none else but him would be able to bear this decision. To trade one life for a hundred of others was a cruel deal and a very bad one, too… yet, it meant protecting his people, he would make it. He always would. For he was king and this his duty.

However, it had not come to this.

His army had been put into formation, his soldiers positioned and while he made out the divisions, Bethorn would lure into Mirkwood, he noticed a pair of giant wings beating in the distance. Something dark had approached, something he knew… he knew better than he would like to. However, this time _Fellbeast_ and rider were clad in darkness. Blackness and murk seemed to drop off them, as the beast hovered above the orcs' heads. Out of his eyes' corners he noticed his soldiers nocking their arrows and straightening their bows. For what reason, did they appear at this place? Did they finally admit to Sauron? A single move of his fingers would be enough, he was aware, and his soldiers would shoot the _Fellbeast_ and its rider, yet he hesitated. Was this supposed to be a trap? Had he fallen for the bait of this… something, that had introduced itself with the strange name Rai?

"I need two divisions." Her words wafted to the ground and seemed to clad the earth in shadows. The Black Speech was rotten, as was everyone talking in it. The answer he was unable to hear, despite the sudden silence, but her next words made him lower his hand the slightest bit more. Just an inch more to the ground, a single one, and his soldiers would release their arrows.

And then she asserted, his peoples' Ellith and Elflings would hide within the forest, instead of archers and warriors and it was in this moment, he understood. She had no intention of battling him, instead she intended to break up the enemy's forces and lure them to the west. She was going to take over Bethorn's task. It was a dangerous aim, since his archers' arrows would have stroke her down if he had believed her… and if he orcs had not, they had done this task the very same. Yet Thranduil knew, if he understood her goal, it was very likely, the opposite commander would, too – and the more time he had to think about it, the most likely he would start to question his given orders.

Nearly unnoticeable, he tilted his halfway outstretched fingers, before lowering them… And within the blink of an eye, the sound of impaled bodies falling to the ground echoed towards him. After the archers had taken action, the sword-warriors would make their move and the orc-commander was very aware of this. He was running out of time to decide… And thus he did, what these creatures were made for aeons ago within the darkest caves, in pain greater, anyone could ever imagine: he obeyed. Two divisions turned about, heading west. None of them would ever return to this battlefield alive. Their numbers were fewer, then Bethorn would have been able to lure out, yet now he had a whole additional unit ready for battle, that did not have to toss away their lives for a bait.

And thus, he gave his final order, making his army march and drowned the ground in black blood.

It only took a couple of minutes for the black _Fellbeast_ to return, however after a short term it withdrew above his own people, when the orcs had finally understood their betrayal, starting to shoot at them. Still, she exuded darkness, something… evil, that was probably lingering somewhere in both and he did not quite know how to answer it. Rai had played a role and she had done so excellent. But the more time passed, the surer he become it was no complete act from her side.

And with this, he was back in the present and to what left him restless.

Even though he himself went unharmed out of battle, he had made his way into the Halls of Healing, as soon as he switched his blood-stained armour for a robe and had washed black blood from his face and hair. He knew, his sight encouraged his people, warriors as much as any other one. With few he had some words, thanking them for their courage, praising their mission. Especially the young ones absorbed his words; there had rarely been fights like this after the Last Alliance's war.

" _Aran… nín…_ " The words had been whispered quietly, even he himself almost did not hear them and he turned around, facing the Elleth that had been whispering. She was nearly within Mandos' Halls, there was nothing his healers could do to save her. "My father… he… fought with you, at Mordor's gates. He fell, but he did proudly for his king." She started to cough and her body cramped. He stepped beside her and carefully whipped the spilled blood of her chin. "I am proud having fought beside you, _Aran nín… Thranduil Aran nín_."


	14. Chapter 13 - Broken

I made it. Just in time, but I made it :)

My Beta-reader is back from vacation, she corrected the last two chapters and this one, too. I hope, there will be less mistakes now. If there still are: I'm sorry about it :/

Maybe you'll hate poor Thranduil a little less after this chapter *laughs`*

xxx

 ** _I've given up_**

 ** _I'm sick of feeling_**

 ** _Is there nothing you can say?_**

 ** _Take this all away_**

 ** _I'm suffocating_**

 ** _Tell me what the fuck is wrong with me_**

\- Given up, Linkin Park

xxx

Her features showed fatigue. "Would you pass me some water?" Her voice was quiet.

"Sorry!" Hectically, she was given a water filled cup and gratefully, she took it with her free hand. "It's okay." Slowly, she drank. "Thanks."

"I simply do not understand, why-" The Ellon looked up and froze for a moment, before quickly bowing. " _Aran nín_. I beg forgiveness, I did not notice you."

Thranduil granted him a short nod. Of course, he did not notice. The would-be healer had hardly reached adultery, not even counting two hundred years. His _fae_ was rarely matured. Only a short time ago, he had begun his education in the arts of healing, Fìriel had taken him under her wing. However, after battle, the healers worked nonstop; leaving little time to train an Ellon, who had only just begun mastering the arts of healing. And besides, this was not the reason for his arrival. His interest was focused on the figure sitting on a wooden stool, one hand closed around a cup of water. The other one was clamped by the fingers of the heavily wounded Ellon, who -against all odds- had survived the way to the halls of healing.

"He refuses to let go of her hand." The king's eyes shifted from Rai back to the Ellon who had been talking. "Fìriel wanted to loosen his fingers, yet his grip only tightened in response. His words have been unintelligible; however, I might have heard ' _dúath'_ ", he reported and Thranduil lifted one of his eyebrows in wonder. "Darkness? He called for it?" Eldar had no liking for the dark, no matter whose heritage they claimed as their own. Why should he seek it?

"If everything else fails, darkness is the very last refuge." Rai lifted her eyes and blinked into one of the wall's floating lights. "It offers protection, welcomes anybody. But if you overstay your welcome, it won't let you leave anymore."

"That sounds terrible." Aghast, the young Ellon stared at her and Rai blinked once, as if she just now noticed the words spoken. Then she laughed and waved it off. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Yes, but-" A hand rose, stopping him in his track. "You may leave." "Y-Yes, _Hîr nín_." With another quick bow, the soon to be healer disappeared. The wounded and Rai herself had been put into one of the few private rooms; Rai neither could or would not sit right in between all these Elves fighting for their lives in the big halls.

" _Hîr nín_?", she asked and stroke back a stubborn strand of hair. Her forehead was wet with sweat, he noticed. "It always was _Aran nín_ before."

Thranduil's crystal eyes swept to her. "You are observing", he noticed and the whitehaired shrugged. "If I wasn't, I would be dead more than once already. So… what's the difference?"

"And stubborn", he stated, yet this time, Rai did not answer, watching him in wait instead. " _Aran_ is naught but the king's title, given to my father as he united the forest's clans in this realm. After his death, it was passed onto me. _Hîr_ has a meaning of little difference to whom you might call Lord."

"A beautiful language", Rai sighed and carefully petted the hand still clamped around her own fingers. "Maybe I can learn it someday."

"An ambitious goal", Thranduil answered and lowered himself to one of the two chairs standing beside the bed. "For the Black Speech rejects any of our tongues."

Rai shrugged. "And why is that a problem?", she asked. "I never learned it anyhow. I don't even know who talks in it."

The Elvenking crocked his head almost unnoticeably. There had been no irony in her words… no indicate that her words held another meaning than what they said. Another moment passed. "Have you ever spoked the Black Speech?", he finally asked and she snorted. "How could I, if I never learned it?"

"Your words are false."

"Are you implying I'd lie?", she asked bemused, yet his risen hand made her stop. "I did not accuse you of lying", he mildly corrected. "I said your words are not the truth." Irritated, she looked at him. What was that supposed to mean? Couldn't he just express himself more clearly? And besides, what was it with all these questions?

"The Black Speech is a rotten tongue. Made by Sauron, to contact his closest henchmen."

That was good to know, however she still didn't understand what this fuss was about. Uncomprehending black eyes blinked at him and Thranduil kept silent of a moment. Did she not _want_ to understand?

"Even though you wrested yourself from him, the ring has bound you to Sauron. Your existence is affected by darkness beyond recall. You may have escaped a Nazgûl's fate, yet there is no being in Arda closer to them than yourself. Whether you like it or not, Sauron clawed his marks in your _fae_ … as he marked your tongue with the Black Speech, whenever you talk to those of his kin."

Rai blinked. Once. Twice. A third time. "I… I always though…" She stopped and Thranduil waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts once again. She had not even known to have mastered the Black Speech… much less noticed to have spoken in it at all. "I didn't know" she confessed his assumption and raised her eyes. "Leo never said anything and I never… I… is it a bad thing?"

"A bad thing?", he repeated and thought a moment about her question. "It is not", he then decided and crossed his legs elegantly. "The Black Tongue is addled, the most corrupt of speeches. It pains the ears of all Eldar and makes the shadows lengthen." "That doesn't sound like it's not", Rai noticed quietly and watched the ground again. She was ashamed. She did not want to have to do anything with Sauron, nothing at all from what he stood for; had fought against it, since… since she could remember. And now? Who knew what was hidden inside her, additionally to all of this? What had she been forced into, that she didn't even know herself?

" _A-Aran… nín…_ " A groan interrupted her thoughts and she looked up again. The elf had opened his eyes and stared to his king in agony. " _Dí…Díhe…_ " "There is nothing to forgive", Thranduil interrupted, before the Ellon could pain himself even more in his struggling to speak. "You will not wander within Mandos' Halls this soon."

Relieved, the wounded sank back in his covers, however, mere seconds after, the next incident announced itself outside the door. "You may not enter!"

"My brother lies on the very edge of death and you want to forbid me seeing him? Whom do you take yourself for?", another voice yelled.

"You cannot-" But the door was already slammed open and an Elleth ran inside. Curls in the colour of dark chocolate flew through the entrance, before she managed a stumbling halt. She was pretty, as all Elves seemed to be. Amber-coloured eyes and a symmetric face. Yet, her clothes were rather simple, in one place her dress had already been repaired and she was walking barefooted. "You dare!", she yelled. "Get away from him!" "But-", she did not manage to even end the sentence, before the Elleth had gripped her hand, just to drag her away, and with a rough jerk, thrust her from the small stool she was sitting on, to the ground. The wounded Ellon ground in pain. "Noharìel! What did you do, you-"

" _Farn [Enough]_."

The Elleth froze and then turned around slowly; her wide eyes noticing her king, who just stood up again. "The healers already thought your brother in Mandos' arms", he stated and stepped closer. "You should be grateful, for him was offered a hand, leading his way back to the shores of Arda." The Elleth fell to her knees, bowing her head. "I beg forgiveness, _Aran nín_ , for I did not notice your presence", she murmured, but Thranduil only gifted her a sharp glance. "Your anger blinds you. Rein it." It was more of a command than an advice and the Elleth swallowed. "Yes, _Hîr nín_."

He sidestepped the Silvan in Rai's direction, to offer a hand, however the whitehaired got up clumsily, without taking it. "You don't want to touch me anyway", she murmured and did not meet his eyes. "Nobody does." She swallowed and blood tickled down her chin. Apparently, she bitten her tongue, he noticed and his suspicion got confirmed just a few moments later, when she choked and coughed brightly red blood to the ground. "He doesn't need me anymore", she stated and took her bag, containing the few possessions she owned. "I won't harass him anymore." The words were bitter and without turning around again, she left the small room.

With her sleeve, she wiped off the blood and swallowed, disgusted by the salty and metallic taste. She could just have been asked to get up and leave, instead of being thrown to the floor. But on the other hand, … it was nothing new, was it? Everything was, as it normally was. She was shown distrust, disgust, nobody cared for her. She was nothing but scum and this she was shown.

"I cannot understand, why our king did not kill her." Rai stopped in her track.

"He should have let her rot in the dungeons", a male voice agreed. "Haradith thinks, she was the one lurking the orcs to our borders."

That was what they thought? That it was her fault? Rai bowed her head and bitter tears dropped down her cheeks. She had crossed the Misty Mountains to warn these elves, had risked her own life -and that of Leo- to lure the orcs to the trap Thranduil had set up, had fought a whole night for the life of an Ellon, whose name she didn't even know… and that was what they were thinking? However, she then noticed, it made little difference. She had never cared for opinions others than those of Leo and her own. Yet, still… it hurt. It hurt Oh so much.

"Detestable."

It was this little word, that made something deep within her break. Something, that had kept her together and that she just noticed now, when it finally ripped. She didn't know what it was and had she been to describe it, the words would have been missing, no matter in which language. Wordlessly, she turned around and sneaked off, her head lowered.

xxx

"I… I thank you, my king."

Thranduil averted his attention from the kneeing Elleth back to the wounded soldier. "I have done nothing."

"You… you have taken away the light, _Hîr nín_." He frowned. What was this Ellon talking about? "I was at Mandos' Halls", the wounded whispered raspingly, however at least he was with himself again. "The doors opened, yet I was not ready to leave. My _fae_ was surrounded by light, beautiful, warm light… But it pulled me towards the golden gates and I was unable to even struggle. However, suddenly there was a hand, _Hîr nín_ , I felt a hand… and it showed me the tiniest shadow. A small place, unaffected by Mondos' lights. I fled into the darkness. I think, the shadow suffered... it pained it, defending me of the might that intended to lead my _fae_ to Mandos and I apologised. I do not know, how long we persevered, the shadow and me. With time, the lights got weaker… and suddenly, both was gone." Almost saddened, the Silvan looked at him. "I wanted to bid my shadow farewell, before departing, but suddenly it was gone, just as Mandos' lights. I woke and saw you, my king."

Deep silence wavered between the room's walls, before Thranduil spoke. "It is not my doing."

"Then… It was the healers, _Aran nín_?"

"No." He looked down to the Elleth, kneeling at his feet. Heavy tears dropped from amber eyes to the ground.


	15. Chapter 14 - A single night

I'm sorry it took so long...My beta-reader has a lot on her schedule at the moment and there's not much time for proofreading in between.

Personally, this is one of my favourite chapters - and I hope so SO much, you'll like it as well.

Oh, and after 14 chapters we've finally reached the M-rating... just to let you know ^^

xxx

 ** _Here I am_**

 ** _I am lost in your land_**

 ** _And I hope you will be_**

 ** _Creeping in my soul_**

 ** _Shadows fall, let me out_**

 ** _Hear my call_**

 ** _And I'll always believe_**

 ** _Creeping in my soul_**

\- _Creeping in my soul, Crystina Lorentzen_

xxx

The forest's river was torrential, she had to walk a long time until she found a slower running part. Between two river bands the water slowed down until it was nearly unmoving. She turned to look around, yet no one was there. Of course not, she had been walking on the shores for nearly an hour, who would have been gotten lost here of all places? And as strongly grown as this forest was, she would not be seen anyway, even if an intruder was no more than five meters away.

Carelessly, she tossed her clothes aside. She did not bathe in days, just got a cloth from Fìriel, who had helped her to wash herself, when she was tied to bed with her bandaged body. She felt dirty, unbelievingly filthy.

 _Sauron clawed his marks into your fae…_

No, no! She did not want to believe; it was not true. Hectically, she threw herself into the water. It was cold, so icy cold. She shivered, the coldness eating itself through her skin. It was good; if it ate up her skin, it might be able to clean her insides. She grabbed her bag and managed to dig out the soap. Then be started washing herself. Arms, legs, belly, body.

 _Like a Nazgûl… more than any other being on Arda…_

It was not true; it could not be! Shivering she stared at her hands. They were pale, just like everything else on her always was. Pale meant death, pale was bad. She still smelled like orc. Quickly, she grabbed a towel and began rubbing her arms with it. Harder, faster, until her skin started burning and glowing brightly red. Red… red was better. Better than white. Everything was better than white. She bit her lips as she maltreated her upper body. She still had a body, was not a ghost without any will of her own. Somehow there had to be a way to wash off the darkness. It could not be that hard, could it? She always had done it, had always fought herself free. Again, she grabbed the soap and sobbed miserably, as her tortured skin protested with a sharp pain. But it did not stop her. Again, she dived, the cold water biting her flesh. When she got up again, white hair tangled in her face. Without overthinking she soaped it, every single strand, until her scalp was burning, too. It had to go away, she could not let it take possession of her.

 _Disgusting!_

Coughing, she surfaced again, shivered heavily. Just now she noticed the tears mixing with the water that were running down her face and dropped down her face.

"What do you think you may accomplish?"

She flinched, but didn't turn around. "I need to get rid of it", she murmured. "It needs to go away." She wanted to grab the towel once again, yet a jewelled hand forestalled her. "Give it back to me", she asked, however; instead he watched her. "Your mind is clouded", he noted and Rai shook her head. "No, I need… I can…"

"You may clean your body until this river runs dry, yet it will not change your being."

"But I don't want to be that!", she screamed suddenly and starred at him out of wide eyes. Panic was hovering within them, he noted. Pure panic of being something she did not want to. He paced closer and automatically, she took a step back. By now, she was shivering violently; barely being able to keep holding the piece of soap between her fingers and when she attempted in washing herself once again, he interfered. He grabbed her arm and with a single jerk, pulled her out of the river. Little streams of water ran down on her body.

"Where is your towel?", he asked mildly, as if she was a child. Rai's shivering fingers attempted to point on the drenched fabric, that had nearly rubbed off her skin. She was beside herself, not a single part left of the girl that even bound in ropes had tried to defy him. He shrugged off his cape, to wrap it around her shoulders. Velvet and silk were not made to keep one dry, yet it was better than nothing to keep her warm.

"I always thought I had won", she mumbled, forlorn. "I thought he held no power over me. I don't want him to be a part of me, I don't want to! I always fought it… but it seems I never had a choice." More tears rolled down her face and she looked away. She was in ashamed, so very ashamed for everything she was. All these years she had kept of believing to have won, to be good -whatever that was, truly- only to have to recognize the lie she had been living.

A long finger was put beneath her chin and lifted her head the tiniest bit. "Had you lost, we would not have this conversation", Thranduil stated. Rai wanted to turn away. She did not want pity, never had. She needed nobody, had always been alone, always made it on her own. "Both of us are lonely", he noted and Rai raised her eyes in surprise. Lonely? Him? He was a king, he had a whole realm with him… And besides, she had always thought he was wedded, after all he had a son. She supressed another sob and took a deep breath instead. He smelled like… resin. And cedar wood. Comforting. She took another breath, deep and trembling. "Nobody may take the burden Ilúvatar wishes us to bear", Thranduil mused. "Yet, sometimes we can forget about it… if only for a single night."

"A night sound nice", she whispered and stepped closer again. To where the smell was more intense, even nearer to the elf standing in front of her, clothed in one of his silver robes. "To forget a single night."

Again, a finger tucked up her chin and made her eyes lift. Within his crystal eyes, she saw the same solitude, the very same wish for comfort and when she felt warm, soft lips meeting her own, she closed her eyes. None of them would be able to take off what fate had turned them into, nobody would understand, yet this one moment made her forget. Still, the hand tucked under her chin held her head. He had wrapped her in his gown entirely, the only touch between them was their lips' union and the fingers lifting her head. Rai sighed on his lips, and he chose that moment to break the kiss.

"One night." Whether it was a promise, a reminder or an admonishment she didn't know, still she nodded. From between the trees, an elk paced towards them and she recognized the mount he used to ride on. His antlers were immense, as large as she was tall herself and she took a step back. Thranduil smiled. "You insist on friendship with a beast of Mordor and yet are frightened of Arotawar?"

"Yes", she admitted and took him by surprise. It was not like her, to admit fear freely… at least it was not, normally. Carefully, he lifted her into his arms, to set her on the elk's large back, before swiftly getting on himself. "Do not fear." She shuddered, as he mumbled the words right next to her ear, while Arotawar started moving with long steps. It felt different from a horse, she noticed, and in addition there was no saddle between herself and the mount. Also, it didn't wear a bridle and she was wondering how Thranduil even commanded it, before remembering that she, too, would never even think of wanting to put anything like that on Leo.

Suddenly, the elk jumped. Probably, it neither was a very high or long jump, maybe there had simply been a root in its way… And still, she would have been fallen, had not it been for his arm clasping around her body. Searching for hold, she leaned back and the arm's grip tightened, before Thranduil said a word she did not understand. Without any more warnings, Arotawar sprang forward, almost flew through the forest, making the trees blur next to them. "This isn't the way to the gates", she remembered and sensed him smile at these words. "There are more ways that lead to my halls than one. Some are known to my people. Others are only known to me." Rai nodded and closed her eyes. The speed's rush did no good to her swirling thoughts and the only thing keeping her on the mount's back was Thranduil's arm.

At some point, they slowed down and as Arotawar stopped, Thranduil got down, to lift Rai from the large back. He cheeks warmed and in confusion she touched her skin. She did not know this feeling, it was new to her – or at least she couldn't remember having felt it before. Carefully, two fingers jewelled with rings caressed her skin and when she lifted her view, she met a pair of crystal eye's unreadable glance. When he lowered his hand again, she grabbed it and his fingers closed around her smaller ones. He mumbled words in the sing-song that was his peoples' language and an oak's branches lifted, to give access to a small door. "Come", he said finally and opened the wrought-iron door, behind which a hidden passage showed. It was too small to let two people pass next to each other, yet he did not let go of her hand, as he stepped inside in front of her. It was dark, almost none of the floating lights that gloomed in the halls' every corner brightened their way. Rai did not care. She was used to darkness, knew, how to seek protection within it… and supressed another sob, when she remembered the reason. At last he stopped and with his free hand, started doing something she could not see. She heard a clicking sound and the wall in front of them started sliding open. She blinked, when much too bright light blinded her for a few moments. Thranduil stepped forward and after she had followed, made the false wall snap back in position.

The room was huge, one wall was filled with bookshelves all over, in front of which two large armchairs waited for someone having a seat. The floor was covered with a heavy carpet, on another wall a portrait of two elves, of whom one she recognized as Thranduil. The other one had blond hair as well, yet it was not Legolas, even though he looked like Thranduil. A tapestry woven with silk showed scenes and pictures she couldn't associate. Her eyes glided further, across a lit fireplace and then to another door that was opened and made way to something that probably was a study (she saw a large desk filled with papers) and two more doors, that were closed. Everything was flooded with light and just now she noticed, how Thranduil viewed her attentively. Again, she felt her cheeks warming a little. He started walking again, towards one of the closed doors… and into something, that definitely was a sleeping room. Nearly half of it was filled with a bed that was larger than anyone she had come to see so far. A cupboard covered one of the room's walls and everything else was nearly taken by the gigantic window, that made sunlight flood into the room. At night, one would be able to see the stars.

Still, the king watched her; however, as she managed to tear her eyes away from the amazing view, he already was taking off the heavy brooch that decorated his robe's collar, before lifting Rai up again and carefully placing her into the sheets. Only then he opened his robe, to let it slide from his shoulders, down to the ground. Diligent, one after the other, he pulled off his rings and put them on the table standing right next to the bed, before carelessly pushing off the expensive boots from his feet. It was after that, he turned to her again and the whitehaired swallowed. She had seen men with uncovered upper bodies, while they had been working on their fields. Yet, that view had never held any appeal for her. She lifted a hand and shuffled a little closer towards the bed's edge, to let her fingertips glide on the warm skin. She could feel the muscles hidden beneath it, much harder than the soft skin covering them and got up a little further. However, when she wanted to sit up a little more, his fingers gripped hers and he lowered himself to the cushions alongside her. Carefully, his forefinger wandered on her features, down her cheekbones, to finally rest on her lower lip. She had pretty lips, full and softly swung, yet a little too pale. Another moment passed, then he lowered himself to kiss her again, still holding her right hand within his own, while the other one loosened the gown wrapped around her. Rai shuddered and let her fingers glide through his hair. It was much silkier than her own, that often decided to make her day a lot harder with its unruly consistence. Carefully, she caressed the strands, before touching the tip of his ear, pointing out of his hair. Thranduil flinched and she startled, but instead of stopping the kiss, his tongue opened her mouth on his. Only when she felt the cushions on her naked skin she noticed how the gown was gone and automatically, her fingers flinched in desire to cover herself. However, before she could withdraw, his fingers had gripped her own again and he let his lips slowly wander down from her mouth.

"Only this single night, _úthaes nín [my temptation]_." The words were muffled on her skin and she nearly overheard them. "Only this single night, _melethril nín [my love/lover]_." His lips passed her neck, her throat, and she whimpered when she felt his warm breath caressing her chest. Still, his fingers held hers. "Just this night", she murmured. "Just this night we'll forget." She gasped, as his lips got further down, while one of his hands let hers go, to run over her breasts. Under the warm, tender touch, the tips soon hardened and she bit her lips, as he caressed them further. Using her now freed hand, she stoked his soft hair tenderly again and this time watched his reaction, as following from there, she caressed his ear's tip once again. Sharply he inhaled and with a single jerk, his face was in front of her own again. "Did you find union before, _úthaes nín_?", he asked and she opened her mouth, without getting a single word out of it. "For I need to know, _meleth_ ", he pressed, but Rai all but swallowed. "I don't know", she finally confessed and looked up. The king's eyes tightened, the crystal within them hardening. "You do not know?" "I can't remember anything that was… before Mordor", she whispered and felt tears running from her much too far widened eyes once again. "I don't know… I'm sorry, I don't know…"

"Hush…" Carefully, his long fingers petted her face. "Forgive me, _meleth_ , for I should have known better. Forgive my missing attention."

Further tears dropped down her cheeks and her eyes closed, when Thranduil kissed her once again. Still, his right hand kept hers, while the left one stroked down her body, to make her shiver wherever he deemed to touch her. His hands caressed down her leg and then was gone for mere seconds… and then something touched her middle, making her moan with the unexpected feeling. She knew what would be happening know, clawed her fingers into his back above her and screamed, when he pushed himself inside her. Instantly, he was above her, murmuring words she didn't understand. She gasped, tried to pull him closer, using her hand resting on his back and in fact, he lowered himself on her. In prevision, he silenced her mouth with his own, before pulling back and penetrating her once again, this time deeper. Again, he pulled back, whispering words of compassion to her, only to fill her yet again and with the fourth penetration she finally felt him all the way inside herself. "You would barely be able to take me; would you not know a body's love. Your mind might have forgotten, yet your flesh remembers." Again, he withdrew, only to fill her insides again, letting his head fall, that his tongue might caress her breasts' hardened tips. She whimpered, holding onto the hand still grasping her own and as he attempted to kiss her again, made her lips nuzzle his ear. His gasp took her by surprise, yet a mere second later was covered by her own, as he pushed himself deep into her insides. She hadn't expected a reaction this huge, however she had no time to think about it for long, before her body started to shudder. "Let go, _meleth_ ", he whispered and again she screamed, as he penetrated her wholly. "Let it go, all is well." One last time she felt him filling herself, before his lips sealed her own closed, to supress her sounds. He had no intention of startling any of his guards right now. Gasping she lay under him, the snowy white hair tangled on the silken cushions and her chest rose and fell heavily, when he found his own release within her.

As he pulled out of her, she flinched. "Only this night", he murmured and she almost thought to have heard a tinge of regret within his words. However, she was not sure whether her body could function at all, she noticed, when his arms enlaced her and she closed her eyes. A single night… that was not much.


	16. Chapter 15 - Morninglight

Guys... I've got good news and bad news.

The good news: This is chapter 15 - and it even is on time. Yey for me. Besides, this chapter introduces my (so far) favourite own side-character: Narethin! I hope you'll love him as much as I do.

However, the bad news: This is the last chapter my unfaithfull tomatoe, Lisa, has been proof-reading. We've had some difficulties and thus decided, she won't continue beta-reading this story.

If there's anyone of you who volunteers for that job, I'd be most grateful. Otherwise I'll try to continue on my own; however I know this might lead to further mistakes in the chapters coming. I'm sorry :/

Nevertheless I hope you do enjoy chapter 15 :)

xxx

 ** _Surprise, Motherfucker!_**

 _\- James Doakes, Dexter_

xxx

Long and slender fingers stroke her hair, when she woke up.

"The night has passed." The murmured words caressed her face and involuntarily she sighed, before opening her eyes. Black irises met those made of blue crystal and she nodded. It had only been this night, this single night of consolation and warmth they had gifted each other. That had been the arrangement. One last time she sat up, yet this time Thranduil's eyes captured her own, as he gifted her a final kiss. Her fingertips ghosted across his face, while one of his hands tucked her chin up and she felt her eyelids flutter… and then someone knocked on one of the doors.

"Aran nín, may I bring your breakfast?"

With an unpleasant jolt, Thranduil twitched back, wanting to dismiss his servant; however, in this very moment the main room's door already opened. One moment passed, before Thranduil tossed himself into his coat and stood up almost hectically. "Leave it on the oaken-table", he ordered. The bedchamber's door was wide open. He walked towards the main chambers, to close it, but in this very moment remembered the two guards standing outside his chambers, and waiting for today's orders. He entered the main chamber. "Legolas and his delegation shall eliminate the remaining carcasses. He may start with the funeral ceremony, I shall participate at noon." The two guards bowed, before retiring to follow their given orders. They closed his chamber's main door and Thranduil turned around. All that was left now was getting rid of Narethin. No more than a week ago, he had started service within his king's private chambers. He knew that during his education, the morning's ritual he usually preferred had been carved into his mind as deeply, as dwarfs used to dig into their mountains. Should he not order differently, he was having a meal of fruit, bread, and many different kinds of cheese. Afterwards, his servant would help with his formal robes. However, this took place in another room and therefore…

He apparently still had to worry about it. Said servant seemed to deem tidying his king's chambers as one of his duties and thus, Thranduil got a glimpse of his figure disappearing in his bedchamber, as he turned around. "Narethin!" The Ellon flinched, as his king's sharp voice cut to him and let the robe he had just picked up slip back to the ground. "Yes, Aran nín?", he asked hesitantly and Thranduil frowned nearly invisibly. Where was Rai? She had no opportunity to leave the bedroom without being seen. Where did she hide during those very few moments she had been unseen?

"I shall need the ceremony's white robe. Be careful with the clasps", he instructed and turned around. Clothes for formal occasions like this were kept in another room, not in his bedchambers. "Of course, Hîr nín."

And then, he heard the servant opening the wardrobe's door and a mere second later, a scream cut through his drumhead. "H-Hîr nín, there is a woman in your wardrobe, and…" "And she's naked!", Rai snapped. Thranduil turned around and for a moment, watched the scene in silence. Narethin, his left hand still clasping the door… behind which Rai had been hiding in lack of a more fitting place. Almost, he sighed. "It seems you are marked by bad luck", he noted and clumsily, she climbed from between his robes, before grabbing one of his bedsheets and covering herself with it. "Me?", she then asked. "As if it's my fault, that your servants are sniffing in you wardrobes, instead of doing whatever they are getting paid for!"

"A-Aran nín?", Narethin squeaked and shrivelled to a mere half of his size, when two pairs of eyes at once turned to him. "A single word to one creature on Arda", the king said and it was more a statement than a threat, "And you will never again enter my realm."

"Now you're too strict", Rai told him and looked around searchingly, before exclaimed some curses that made him rise his eyebrows. "My clothes, my bag… They're still on the river!"

"I – I will get it, my Lady", the servant stuttered and did not seem to know where to look at. "I shall get everything, you only need to tell me where. It is my very first week within the king's private chambers and…" "And the last one if you do not keep silent." Quickly, the Ellon watched his king and Rai sighed. Even though this mess was his fault, she felt sorry for him. "Near the river bends in the south. Stay on the left bank, you cannot miss them. You have one hour of time." As soon as Thranduil had finished talking, the Ellon ran out of the door.

For a few seconds, a strange silence held place, before Rai murmured: "I could help you. With the robe, I mean." It was obvious, none of them could leave his chambers right now. If Thranduil left, it was only a matter of time, before somebody entered his chambers to clean them and would notice Rai. Rai could not, since all she wore was a bedsheet. He blinked in surprise, then lowered his glace towards her. "I will even take care of the clasps", she teased and the hint of a smile lifted the king's mouth corners.

Wordlessly, he stepped forward and she followed him into a room whose ground was covered with a thick and soft carpet. Large wardrobes covered the walls, big and small, and in a corner stood his magnificent armour. It was the one Thranduil had worn during the battle, but now it was cleaned again, shining in its glory, no longer smeared in mud and black blood. On a silver shelf lay a circlet and a spiked crown, next to other head ornaments, that probably were some of his crows, too.

Thranduil paid no more attention to her curiosity, instead opened one of the wardrobes to grab a white tunic, that seemed to be almost too simple for him. With a system of clasps and strips, a robe was held above, together with a pair of bracers and a long gown. The boots' ties had a complex fastening and Rai viewed the complicated lays of clothes a little helplessly. "Or… You could just take the bedsheets. They're white, too."

Wordlessly, he let his covers slide to the ground and Rai bit her lips, as he put on the tight trousers belonging with the robe. It was the very last time she would be able to see him like this, she noted, and her eyes glided across his chest. It was long, hard and slender muscles covered with satiny skin, defining every inch if his body. It was an athlete's figure, lithe and strong. Her lower lip's piercing clicked, as she scratched it with her teeth. "How did you come to get this barbaric adornment?", Thranduil asked, however Rai just sighed. "If I could remember, I'd tell you." Then, she grinned crocked. "It was pretty useful tonight", she laughed and remembered the occasions when his teeth had tugged the small metallic ring, before kissing her once again. Again and again, he had used the trinket to tease her lips, just to kiss her once again.

The king shook his head and when she helped him to put on the tunic's sleeves, one of his hands tugged down the sheet wrapped around her shoulders, to free the tattooed skin beneath. "I thought them drawings, yet they are permanent", he noted and the whitehaired nodded. "It's called a tattoo", she answered. "They get pricked with a needle and ink, at least I think so." She wanted to pull the cover up again, but Thranduil stopped her once more. Surprised, she raised her eyes and noticed, how he viewed the body-art with interest. He wished to know, which meaning they held, yet he was quite certain, she would not be able to answer his question. "Excellent craftsmanship on living flesh." Rai made a face. "Whenever you say something, it always sounds negative", she complained.

"It did not sound like it last night."

Rai's mouth fell open. He had this remark thrown at her, as if they had a friendly talk about… about… about something she just could not think of right now. He could not just… "Hmpf", was everything that passed her lips and she felt heat rise in her face, as a small smile tugged the Elvenking's mouth-corners. He put on his silver bracers and carefully, Rai closed the fragile clasps. She took the buckles on the king's waist, to position the robe and knot them carefully. "Whose idea was it to sew clothes you can't even put on by yourself?", she muttered and pulled the fabric straight, before putting the gown around his shoulders, which he clasped across his chest. Then, she stepped back and blinked. "You're too bright." It was a bitter statement, full of supressed mourn and grief, since both of them knew that to all those, whose soul was not scarred by Sauron's claws, the light would be beautiful and warm.

Thranduil lowered himself on an armchair and began fastening his boot's laces (he was right to assume Rai wouldn't be able to help him, at least not without braking her fingers in the process), while she had a look around. His hair was unarranged, even though the strands were smooth and soft, and she did not even want to know, what her own looked like right now. Finally, she spotted a silver comb on a dresser and started carefully to rearrange the golden strands. The king's head jerked in surprise, but he did not elude. Instead, he sat up, now done with his laces, and closed his eyes, when instead of the comb's teeth, narrow fingers combed his hair. Diligent, she arranged the strands, one after another, and only after everyone was tenderly put back on its place, she took the comb once more. Little by little, Thranduil sank down in his chair, the straight shoulders lowering a little, the head lowering the slightest bit, while she carefully unravelled every strand.

When she was done, she put the expensive comb aside and stroked down his perfect cascade of golden hair one last time. "The crown of the circlet?", she then asked quietly, breaking the silence.

"The circlet", he answered, without opening his eyes, and Rai took the headdress from his pedestal. It was lighter than it appeared to be, she noted in surprise. It was not made of silver, also not of steel. She stepped behind him and one last time, smoothed down the strands, before lowering the circlet on his head.

Next to them, something fell to the ground with a heavy thud and at the same time, both of them flinched. Narethin was standing in the doorway, mouth opened in shock, to his feet her bag and her clothes he had fetched. Aghast, he stared at her and Rai blinked. What was his problem this time?

"A-Aran nín, I… but…"

"You just dared to crown a king", Thranduil remarked lightly and almost seemed to laugh, when he got up elegantly, to buckle his swords on his silvery belt. "An honour nobody but my father might grasp."

"Oh." Rai blinked. "Sorry."

And right after these words, Narethin dropped to the ground like a bag of stones. She blinked again, opened her mouth, closed it again, and turned to Thranduil. "Was it that bad?"

"The only bigger crime you could have done, would be taking seat on the throne", he answered and Rai watched him hangdog, before bowing down and petting the servant's cheek. "Are you still alive?" Even though the question was serious, Thranduil laughed. It was a laugh leaping from his throat's deepest parts, like the strokes of golden bells… she heard it for the very first time. "His first week in my personal services and already, he is unconscious on the ground."

"In that case, it only can get better. "Now she was laughing, too, before trying to pull the brunette servant back to his feet. Unsurprisingly, her attempt was unsuccessful. The Ellon was too tall and heavy, and finally Thranduil grasped his shoulders, before lowering him on the brocade lounge in front of the fireside. The embers were nearly cold.

Carefully, Rai laid a silvery embroidered blanket above him and tucked it down around him, while Thranduil watched the scene in mild amusement; however, Narethin already begun to stir. "Valar, I had to most horrific nightmare", he groaned and a little, evil smile snuck on Rai's lips. "What was it, my friend?" "A woman was in our Aran's chambers… and she was hiding in the wardrobe." "How very horrible", she gasped and he had to admire her acting talent. "And then she crowned him", he whined. "She crowned our king!" "What a cruel nightmare. But do not fear, it is over now." "Yes", Narethin sighed and opened his eyes… just to cry out in horror.

Now, her laugh broke loose and a few seconds later it was accompanied with the golden bell's strokes that were Thranduil's rich laugh. "Do not fume", he then said patronizing. "Situations like these are certainly not part of your education."

"Hîr nín", he squeaked and Rai shook her head. "A hard first week" she commented then and chuckled. "Don't be angry." This time, her words were honest and Narethin waged his head. " _Baw, Brennil nín [No, my Lady]_ ", he gasped. "I… I dropped your belongings… _Diheno enni [Forgive me]_ …" Rai waved aside. "I don't have anything of great worth", she said. "Nothing, that could have broken."

Relieved, the servant exhaled, before he became aware of his situation and started to free himself of the blanket. "You have seen no one but my inside these chambers." Thranduil's voice had lost its gentleness, when he reminded his servant. Talking now was the king, his words cool and final.

Narethin bowed that deeply, Rai feared he might fall over. "On the Valars' grace I swear, you have been alone."

" _Mae [Good]_." Then, he turned to Rai. "The battle is won, the night over… By right now, you may cross my realm's borders wherever and whenever you wish. Should you he hungry, thirsty, bothered by the winter's cold or the summer's heat, my halls shall grans you refuge."

Rai kept silent for a moment. He was right, it was over… It had been only this night and none of them could or would make any more of it. What Thranduil thought about it, she did not know, but she did not want to bind herself, not even to a king – and what was he supposed to do with someone like her?

" _Le hannon."_ The words were strangely distorted and burned on her tongue. As soon as she had finished, heavy coughing shook her body, making it impossible to continue talking, and she regretted her attempt, having tried to thank him in his own language. It took a few gasps, before she had calmed enough to talk again. "Sorry."

"Do not apologise for what is not in your power to change. Narethin will help you to dress yourself." Then, he bowed his head the slightest bit. " _Le hannon, tinnu nín."_


	17. Chapter 16 - Wandering

This is chapter 16 :)

Thanks so much to my new Beta Reader AHealingRenaissance, I hope this way further mistakes can be prevented.

I hope you'll like this chapter as much as I do. After all, there's a certain someone meeting Rai ^^

xxx

 ** _On their actions, you shall recognise them_**!

\- 1. Johannes 2,1-6

xxx

"What's going on here?"

Legolas gave a polite nod. " _Mae govannen._ My father ordered us to remove the last remaining carcasses. I fear, however, the _Fell_ does not agree."

Yes, this much was obvious. She recognised the four warriors who had captured her at the collapsed caves under Legolas' command. They had drawn their weapons, yet were looking at each other uncertainly. In front of them, Leo cowered on the battle-scarred ground, dead orcs around him. Rai sighed. "You'll need a month to eat all of that."

 _They already burnt all the rest! These are mine!_

"I bet you already ate at least a dozen. Are you going to carry the rest around until you're hungry again?"

 _Eighteen_ , Leo replied. _I ate eighteen. And two wargs._

"Can you even fly anymore?" she asked critically and he wheezed. _Pfah!_

She shook her head and smirked a little. "If that is so…"

Surprised, he watched her. She wanted to move on? Well, it was alright with him. He had had enough of elves and their much too bright light. Demonstrative, he went for another carcass in front of him, burying his teeth into it and tearing the body into pieces, before devouring the parts. After all, who knew when there would be another meal? _I'm ready._

Rai shouldered her bag and Legolas watched her in surprise. "You are leaving?" he asked and she nodded. "We came to warn you," she answered. "Then we stayed to help you. There is nothing left for us to do."

Leo stepped aside, leaving the remaining carcasses carelessly. He had been sure they'd stay longer within the forest… However, now the elves might burn the rest if they so desired. He would be sated for the next week. She stepped forward to fasten what little belongings she had onto his back's spikes.

"Rai." Wondering, she turned around. It was the very first time the prince had said her name. "Yes?" "I have prejudged you." She blinked. What did the blonde elf mean? "I deemed you an enemy, since you look and talk as he does. However, neither of those should be of any concern." He bowed shortly, before straightening himself again. "I was superficial and I did you an injustice."

Again, she blinked. Legolas apologised? That was… unexpected. And she was happy about it, even though she was reminded once more from where her appearance hailed. "You're the first to apologise," she quietly said and smiled a little. "I appreciate it… Thank you."

" _I galad en elenath nadh râd gîn [The stars' light on your way],_ " the prince answered. "If the Valar wish, our paths shall cross again in happier times."

"I don't know who those Valar are," she laughed and got up on Leo's spiked back. "But happier times would be welcome." Then, she hesitated. "Tell… tell your father greetings, the next time you see him." Legolas gave a nod, and the draft of Leo's wings tangled his hair as he pushed himself into the sky.

 _You smell like sex. And light. Did you mate the Elvenking?_ he asked, as soon as the five warriors had gotten out of sight.

Rai's mouth opened, just to close again. Where…?!

 _You mated the Elfking._ Leo wheezed. _Couldn't you have chosen one that doesn't stink that much?_

"Sorry."

 _Was it at least satisfying?_

"Leo!" She felt heat creeping up her face. _You need a bath._

" _You_ are saying _I_ am in need of a bath? That's something new, isn't it."

 _I don't need a bath, I don't mate with elves._

"Oh God, could we _please_ change the subject?" She groaned and the Fellbeast grumbled. It was almost unbearable, how much Rai smelled like the Elvenking's light. Her clothes were unaffected, yet the smell of her skin slowly crept upon them as well. Maybe he should simply toss her into a river… But then he wasn't sure how much that would actually help.

 _Where are we going to go?_ , he asked and Rai blinked. "No idea," she replied. Back to their little hut in the Ettenmoors? They would be on their way for days, since this time they surely would avoid the harsh travel across the misty mountains. _Let's head south_ , he suggested. _We could spend the winter in the Wold… or Ithilien._

"Wherever you want to go," she answered and stretched luxuriously. Leo curled his claws, as a cloud of the elf's smell whooshed towards him. _Yuck!_ he complained and she laughed. "I'll take a bath as soon as we find a lake," she promised.

 _Why him?_

Rai opened her mouth to answer, just to close it again. She didn't want to admit how sometimes she still felt lonely despite Leo's friendship; how she had sought one night of comfort and wished to flee her past just once. "It just happened," she murmured and Leo sighed _. You don't want to talk about it_ , he stated and she lowered her head. "I'm sorry." _It's alright._

For a while, they travelled in silence, before her stomach started to growl. After the servant brought her clothes, Thranduil left them alone. He had simply gone and left her with Narethin. Probably, it was better this way. However, she had skipped breakfast, dressed herself and taken her bag. She didn't want to stay any longer. The night was over; _it_ was over. That had been the deal. There was nothing left for her in this bedroom, in this realm. And when she thought about it now, it only hurt and thus, she decided to let it be.

"I have bread with me… and a little cheese." Both shamelessly snatched from Thranduil's breakfast table, while Narethin had watched stunned. Leo lowered his path and carefully got down on a small meadow. There were few in Mirkwood, for the forest was thick and sometimes the trees didn't seem to let pass any light at all. He knew Rai didn't like eating during flight. Firstly, because she had lost a meal or two as it fell to the ground when he had been tossed aside by a sudden air stream. Second, since she often felt a little queasy whenever she ate up in the air.

By now, the sun had passed its zenith and while she ate, Leo opened his wings to catch as much sunlight as possible. The air was cold and smelled like winter, yet the sun's rays warmed his black scales and he yawned heartily. Rai laughed. "And you _did_ overeat," she noted, since normally a few hours of flight wouldn't even begin to tire him. At least, if he didn't cross some mountains in his way. Leo grumbled, however he didn't object. She was right, but he certainly wouldn't admit that. "Let's take a little break," she suggested. "I'm tired, too." But at least this had nothing to do with too many eaten orcs.

She shuffled aside a little, and Leo lowered to the ground, his wings spread as far as the sunlight reached the meadow. He didn't like the elves' light as it was too bright and glowing. Yet the sun's warmth was something different. While serving Gormlaith, he had never even thought about enjoying the sunlight. He had rarely enjoyed anything other than his victims' flesh, which had been a short thing. He hadn't known joy, neither in the small things as the sun's warmth, or the great like friendship and trust. Lazily, he opened an eye and watched Rai. She sat cross-legged next to him, bread and cheese in her hands, while eating pensively. If she wanted to talk about whatever it was that was on her mind, he would be there and he would be listening. However, if she decided to keep quiet, this was alright with him as well. There were things he didn't wish to talk about either, some too cruel to share with anyone else but his own mind.

A rustle took his attention, yet before he was able to turn his head to take a look, Rai had already started speaking. "Well, who are you? Did you get lost?" Her voice was mild and she broke off a piece of bread. "Come here. Are you hungry?"

He withstood the urge to turn his head, since if he did, the little deer would surely disappear back into the woods. Judging by the smell, it was young and on its long legs, it carefully stalked around him. As he breathed, it shrieked. "He won't do anything, he's had his fill. Come here," she lured and offered the fawn a piece of bread. The white spots hadn't yet disappeared out of the fur; the animal was young. Maybe it had lost its mother.

Carefully, very carefully, it teetered closer and caught the bread while stretching its neck as long as possible. _You don't even have enough to sate yourself_ , he warned, yet she ignored his blame and broke off another piece. One step closer the fawn crept, then another, until it nearly stood on her lap, wagging its little tail happily. Rai laughed. "Do you have a name?" No answer, of course not. Instead, the deer ate the last remaining piece of bread to sniff at her now empty hand in disappointment afterwards. Carefully, she petted the fawn's head and after flinching, it closed its eyes in enjoyment.

 _You can't take it with you_ , Leo reminded and she sighed sadly. No, she wouldn't.

"Briggit? Briggit!" The call made her flinch and Leo lifted his head. Appalled, the fawn sprang backwards and stared in between the trees, wavering. From between them, a man stepped forward and Rai averted her face. It was too bright, much too bright. For a moment, silence hovered between them; then the little deer stalked towards the man clothed in a brown coat. He had a long staff with him. She didn't see much more than a tuft of grey-brown, tangled hair and a trilby hat on top of it, as the man blinded her way too much. Leo growled unwillingly. "You cared for her?" he asked in surprise. Rai nodded and answered, without looking at him. "I think she was hungry, but all I had was a little bread."

Again, a few moments passed, then something nosed her hand and she carefully caressed the little deer's ears. Leo demonstratively crept a little further away from the man in his brown coat. "You are none of Morgoth's spawn."

"No." Her words were bitter. "I am not."

The man paced closer and unwillingly, she flinched.

"I'm sorry", he said hectically, before murmuring: "It has to… somehow… a moment… there!" Suddenly, the much too bright light ebbed off and Rai blinked, before lifting her head. "Thanks." Finally, she was able to watch the man more closely and cocked her head. "You are no elf," she noticed. The pointed ears were missing and all in all the otherworldly perfection they clad themselves in. But why then did he shine this unbearably?

"I am an Istari," he explained and she watched him questioningly. Istari? She had never heard of those. "My name is Aiwendil," he continued and she smiled. "I'm Rai. And this is Leo."

"Leo?" the man asked and then his eyes met the Fellbeast, who was slowly getting up. "Ah", he finally said. The same moment, her stomach growled once more and she watched the ground as if it held the answers to all those questions she still had. She had only eaten a little cheese; nearly all of the bread she had given to the fawn. Maybe she'd be able to find a few mushrooms to roast above the fire later.

"I made soup," the Istari suddenly said. "Maybe you would like a bowl?"

"Some soup would be nice," she admitted and looked at Leo. _Why are you looking at me?_ he huffed. _I don't eat soup with glowing strangers I just met._

xxx

"Take more, take more." He added another spoon to her bowl and turned to the window. "My dear Mister Leo, maybe a bowl of soup for you? The best I made in at least two months!"

 _I smell chamomile. Maybe a little tea?_ Leo almost sounded too hopeful and the Istari nodded. "Of course, of course! I just need to heat some water." With some trouble, he carried a heavy iron kettle to set it above the fire; but when Rai stood up to help, he shoved her back on the chair. "Eat, child. A kettle of water is quickly heated."

Rai swallowed a mouthful of soup, before looking up. "How can you understand him?" she asked, since with the exception of Fìriel -with whom Leo had only been able to communicate with strong effort- there was nobody. "I wish to understand him and he wishes to be understood," he explained, as if it was the simplest thing out there. "Yet I appreciate his effort in speaking Westron instead of the Black Tongue." He then laughed as he sat next to her again. He had invited them both to stay in his home which looked like a too-large toad. Everywhere, little animals ran around, some even in the Istari's clothes. There was chaos everywhere; she hardly knew where to step, but it didn't matter. It was… comfy, in an odd way.

"He loves chamomile, but it is hard to get enough flowers. Thanks, Aiw-" She wasn't able to finish the name, instead a cough shook her, again and again, until her chest trembled. She gasped for air. It was just a name… It sounded elvish, but this had never before initiated such a reaction. Shivering, she put aside the spoon and dryly coughed another time, before swallowing in effort. Her hand clenched to a fist and she turned away. "I'm sorry," she murmured, but the Istari patted her back.

"Your flesh and your soul have been burnt with darkness," he said saddened. "You will not be able to pronounce my name, no matter how much you try." To comfort her, he sat a little mouse on her clenched fist and stroked its head. "Radagast," she suddenly said, looking up again. "It's not your name, but I could call you this. I mean… if it's alright for you."

"Radagast? How did you come to this?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. "I think, you look like a Radagast."

 _I think too, that you look like a Radagast._

"Then I have to be a Radagast," he concluded and chuckled, while throwing the flowers in the heating water.

"I could pronounce elvish names, but not their language," she said, and took another spoonful of soup. "Why couldn't I even say yours?"

Radagast sat next to her. "I am no elf, I am an Istari, a Maia… the Valar sent me to Middle-earth, three hundred of mortal years ago."

"Valar?" she asked. "I've heard that name before. Who is that?"

"The Valar cut this world," he explained. "They formed Arda. They battled Melkor, who once was their brother. They defeated him, who renamed himself Morgoth and wished to quash all light. Yet his lieutenant continued his path… you should know who it is. He named himself Sauron." Rai flinched and stared on the table's plate. "And what do you have to do with all of that?" she asked finally.

"Sauron was defeated, yet not ended. He is gaining power again. The Valar sent me, along with four brothers, to journey east to help the free people wherever we can. The mortals name us wizards."

A bitter laugh slipped her and she looked aside. That explained why she had neither been able to look at him, nor even pronounce his name. "And now the Valar's legate is sitting with me out of anyone, eating soup."

A warm hand was put on her shoulder and she raised her eyes, meeting a pair of gentle ones. "You will be judged by your actions, not your flesh," he explained. "What you are is of no interest of his, but who."

"Not even with Leo?" she quietly asked and the wizard carefully took the mouse from her hand, to put it on her shoulder. "This is an answer I may give only when Sauron is no more."

She sniffed and thankfully took the handkerchief Radagast offered her. "Put in a good word for me," she joked half-heartedly. "I don't want to go to hell."

"I don't know what hell is," he admitted. "However, I am very sure there is not your place." He got up then. "The tea is finished." He clad the handle with towels and carried the large kettle outside carefully. _Thanks, Radagast._ Leo's tongue dipped into the hot water and Rai smiled a little. Why he despised water in every variation but then would fly over half of Middle Earth for this tea was beyond her.

"What are you actually doing in this forest?" she then asked, and carefully handed him back the little mouse, which soon after climbed under his hat.

Radagast scratched his head. "I let myself become distracted," he admitted. "But actually… I am searching for the Elvenking."


	18. Chapter 17 - Faux Pas

I am SO sorry.

However, I am working on my final papers for university right now and that just takes pretty much all of my ressources... I am trying, I really do, so here's chapter 17. I really like that one, it's one of my favourites... as well as Narethin, who somehow stumbled his way into my heart *laughs*

Please note: This chapter is NOT Beta-read. Dear Tammy is in hospital. I hope, she'll be better soon :/

I tried my very best to do stuff on my own :)

xxx

 **The noble man may look at a thing without prejudice, the small man is full of them and can look at it only from one perspective.**

\- Konfuzius

xxx

Rai straightened. After having spoken to Radagast for all of yesterday's evening, the Maia had invited her to stay the night. Thankful, she had agreed and had just woken up, long after sunrise. Now, she felt well recovered, in fact better than she had in a long time. Radagast had left a bowl of porridge on the untidied table and she took the spoon to wolf her breakfast down. Then, she quickly combed her hair and went outside.

"You should've woken me," she said guiltily, but Radagast waved off. "I should have left a long time ago; these few hours will make no difference." He pushed something in front of him and after a few moments, she realised it had to be a sleigh.

 _You can fly with me, we'd be faster_ , Leo suggested, however; the Istari laughed. "You should not underestimate me, dear Mister Leo." Since he himself had not been in the Woodland Realm before, even though (as he confessed to Rai) he should have been since over a hundred years by now, they had offered to show him the way. Not even two days they were gone and now they were on their way back already… and the last time, too, they had been gone for rarely three months, before the orcs' march had them return to the halls. Quietly, Rai laughed. "It seems, someone doesn't want me to leave the Woodland Realm."

Still busy with his sleigh, Radagast nodded and pulled on a rope. "Yes, that may be." She blinked at these words, yet before she was able to rethink them, a dozen rabbits hopped out of the woods. _Breakfast?_ , Leo asked; however Radagast shook his head and already begun tying the rodents in front of his sleigh. "I am afraid not," he answered. "Now, let us see how you fare against my Rhosgobel-rabbits." He stepped on his sleigh and winked, as Rai climbed between the spikes. "I guess the way is north."

 _I don't lose against some gnawers_ , Leo exclaimed and swung himself up in the air, while the Istari's laugh clang towards them, as his sleigh buckled into motion and disappeared between the trees.

"After them," she laughed, when Leo got above the trees.

xxx

"We're near the border," Rai called, while Radagast dashed through the forest in at a breakneck pace. "We'll head northeast after that, to the palace!" She wasn't quite sure, how he was able to understand what she said. Maybe a wizard's ears were better than her own?

"We shall meet there!" With that, the sleigh shot forward between the trees and Leo snuffled. _I hate these rabbits._ He quickened his wing beats. Both knew, this speed would rarely be a challenge at all, if it hadn't been for his stomach stuffed with orcs.

Finally, the white bridge glowed through the trees' crowns and Radagast stopped his sleigh, while Leo went down. "I need one of these rabbits," Rai stated dryly and stepped next to him. The gate's four guards stepped forward and Radagast lay his hand above his heart in an elvish greeting. " _Mae govannen,_ " he greeted politely. "I came to ask for an audience with the king." Rai recognised two of the guards; having already seen them, and gave a polite nod towards them.

"If Aran Thranduil would grant audience to everybody who wishes, he would be unable to reign a realm", one of them responded and Rai rolled her eyes. "He didn't have a problem with that the last time I came here," she answered dryly. "Maybe we should've come across the Misty Mountains again… the air was quite refreshing over there."

"Watch your tone," the second guard ordered -one of those she didn't recognise- and she crossed his arms. Radagast raised his hands soothingly. "I am not here to cause upheaval," he exclaimed. "My name is Aiwendil. I ask the king for audience and would be grateful, would you declaim my request."

A few moments passed, then one of the guardians nodded and in hurried steps disappeared through the gates. "I hate those etiquettes," she muttered. "If it wouldn't be important, we wouldn't be here." The Istari smiled. "Maybe not us, but others surely. I have waited for so long, I may wait a little more."

To her surprise, it merely took a few moments, before the guard returned. "Aran Thranduil grants you audience," he explained. "Please follow me."

Even though Rai knew the way, she followed, before throwing Radagast a hesitating look. "Should I even come with you?", she asked, when she remembered he might prefer talking to the king in private. Radagast chuckled. "I would not be here without you. Therefore, accompanying me should go unsaid," he answered and casted about in the intimidating halls in interest. He had heard of their glory and the stories didn't do them justice.

Finally, they reached the throne hall and Rai looked up. The king resided on this throne, clad in shimmering green robes with long black boots. The golden hair flowed down his shoulders and she bit her lips, as she remembered its softness… and the body's strength beneath the robes. It was almost too late that she noticed when Radagast had stopped walking. Another guard behind her reached for her, probably in search for weapons. " _Baw_." At the sharply spoken order, the ellon that had gripped her arm flinched and stepped back with a hasty bow, together with another elleth that seemed to have been taking care of Radagast.

"No even two days ago, you left," he said and his crystal eyes rested upon her. "Now you have returned in company… for what purpose?"

"Leo and I went south", she explained. "We rested, when we met Radagast. We had a long talk and he told me, he'd been wanting to visit for a long time. He said his name is A-" She stopped herself in time, before starting again. "He said, he's a Maia," she finished instead.

The silence that followed these words was long and deep. Nobody said a word and after a while, Rai frowned. Did she say something wrong? Before she could ask, Thranduil rose from his throne and paced down the stairs. "A Maia…," me murmured. "It has been a long time, since the last of your kin walked on these shores."

Radagast nodded. "That is true. However; the Valar sent me and my four brothers to aid the free people of Middle-earth against the spreading darkness… I have been wishing to seek audience for a long time, yet my departure has been delayed further and further. It seems, I needed some help to remind my duty," he chuckled and Rai laughed. "Sorry, Radagast."

The king's eyes fell on her once again. "Radagast?", he asked and Rai supressed a sigh. "I couldn't pronounce his name," she admitted and she knew, he was quite aware what she was talking about. "So, Leo and I call him Radagast." "Since I look like a Radagast," the Istari smiled, however; an angry cry made them turn around.

"You dare to dirty the honoured Maia's name?", someone hissed and she recognised the ellon, whom had started to search her for weapons. "You are not even worth his sight, descendant of Sauron, his every word is too much of kindness. And yet you dare to blight the name your depraved tongue may not speak?"

Every word made her flinch, every sentence step back. It felt as if they each were arrows, every single one piercing with precision wherever it hurt the most. She lowered her eyes to the ground, but a warm hand lowered on her shoulder. "Have you ever been in Mordor?", the Istari asked. "Did you ever walk in the darkest of all lands?"

"Of course not", the ellon answered aghast and Radagast nodded, before continuing. "Did you ever face Sauron, lieutenant of Morgoth from the darkest of times?"

"N-No, Milord."

"Go to Mordor, then," the wizard demanded. "Wait there, until Sauron will find you, so he may claw his way into your very self. That he may enslave you, as he seeks to enslave all life in Middle-earth. And if you then accomplish, elfling, to tear your heart and soul from his greedy fingers, if you are still able to go on, fighting the darkness with your heart pure… then and only then I shall allow you to speak again."

Slowly, Rai exhaled, a sound echoing in the hall's heavy silence. "I take full responsibility for this subject's action," Thranduil then explained, breaking the silence. "It is neither his place to question your decisions, honoured Aiwendil, nor to insult my hall's guests. Be assured, his words shall not be without consequence."

"It would be wiser, to continue this in privacy," Radagast considered and Thranduil nodded. "You are right, of course. Please, follow me."

He left the hall and while the wizard followed, Rai blinked. Private, that meant just him and Radagast. What was she supposed to do now? She felt miserable, the guard's words had once more shown her, how the Woodland Realm's people judged her. She didn't want to return to Leo, since firstly, she was quite sure he had curled to take a nap in the meantime, to escape his aching stomach. And besides, she didn't want to meet him, until she felt a little better at least. "Could you spare a room for me?", she asked and after a moment, the elleth that had shown her the way gave a nod. "Please follow me," she asked and Rai nodded, before following her long paces. They left the large throne hall, yet the direction was another one as to the halls of healing and thus, she didn't know the place. However, they weren't on their way for too long, when a large door was opened in front of her and the elleth signalled her to enter. In front of her was a large room filled with a soft looking bed, a desk of hazel wood as well as a cupboard and a large carpet. The floating lights that were everywhere in the halls also lightened this place, next to some filled bookshelves. A closed door separated another room.

"You may make use of the fire place, if you wish," the elleth explained. "For everything else you may ask the guards outside the door." Of course… of course, her door would be guarded. As if she would stride through the halls, starting to eat children, whenever she was left alone. Damn, she had a headache.

"Thank you," she answered finally and entered. Behind her, the door was closed and she sighed. Maybe a nap would do her good as well, she decided. She kicked her well-worn boots off and slipped under the blankets. Who knew when she would be able to sleep in the luxury of a real bed next time after all, she noted, and closed her eyes…

To open them some unknown time later, when there was a shy knock at her door.

"Enter", she asked and rubbed her eyes one last time, when the door was opened. At first, she saw nothing but a large tea-cart covered with a white blanket, on which plates and decanters of water and wine had been arranged. Carefully, the opened door was closed again and Rai shrugged off the blankets to get up. The servant looked up and just now she recognised him. "Narethin?", she asked in surprise.

"Did I wake you, Milady?", he asked and watched her insecure. "I am sorry, I-" "It's alright," she said and tried to smother her hair, before gabbing her boots once again. "What's up?"

"Aran Thranduil has sent me," he said quietly and lifted to plates, to put them on the table. "Would you… would you mind climbing below the blanket?"

"I'm sorry?", she asked dryly and Narethin lifted one of the blanket's corners nervously. Below it, the etageres had been removed, making enough place for… her. Well, if she crawled on all fours, that was. She lifted an eyebrow. "He sent you, to fetch me under a blanket?"

Embarrassed, the ellon looked at her and stepped from one foot to the other. "He ordered to escort you to his chambers unnoticed," he murmured and watched everything but her. Rai blinked. So, Thranduil had sent the poor guy to get her to his chambers unseen… "If he wants to talk to me, he better moved his own butt here," she growled finally and already wanted to turn around, when she saw the servant's shoulder sink down, his whole figure shirking together miserable. Pity crawled up in her and she damned the stubborn Elvenking. As Narethin turned around and shuffled to the door like a kicked puppy, she sighed.

"Don't you dare to drive over my fingers."

She lifted the heavy white blanked and Narethin beamed. "I would never, Brennil nín!"

xxx

It took what felt like eternity, but finally they reached the king's chambers. Every now and then, Narethin would whisper little hints: In a hundred feet turn right, twenty steps and stop, then turn left… and somewhen, she finally heard a knock at the heavy double-door. The answered "Enter!" left no room for protest and thus, the servant pushed the cart in the entrance chamber, before carefully closing the main doors behind him and went on to the main chambers. Only then, he lifted the covers and Rai crawled from below them, face soured.

"I really like you, Narethin, but I won't do that ever again," she clarified and groaned, as she noticed her abraded palms. It had been a damn long way from the guests' chambers to here.

"Forgive me," the servant gasped and carefully put the blanket back. Thranduil shook his head. "I did not think you would be that creative," he noted and Narethin blushed, yet he didn't answer. "You may leave", the king dismissed and with another bow, the servant left the chambers, making sure not to open the door too far, when he escaped outside.

A few minutes passed in silence, then Thranduil spoke up. "Usually, I use to tend to my guest in a better manner."

Rai shrugged. "Think of something better next time," she responded. "I understand you want to keep this secret, but I won't crawl through the palace again like that."

"That has never been my wish," he answered. "Aiwendil and I assumed you would be part of our conversation."

"Oh." She blinked. "Well, I didn't think… nobody said something and I thought…" She lifted her hands in apology, however; Thranduil shook his head. "We though it a matter of course and my actions inconvenienced you… not once, but twice it seems." She didn't object and finally, his much larger hands took her smaller ones and he frowned, as he noticed the scraps. He had ordered Narethin to escort Rai into his chamber unseen. Yet, him going as far, as making her crawl on the ground like a dog he didn't foresee. Carefully, he stroked the sore skin and she flinched. "Take a seat," he finally asked, pointing at the heavy, wine-red lounge, whose satin cushions glowed in the fireplace's flames. "I shall be with you soon." He turned around and left the room in long paces.

When he returned, Rai had not taken a seat -of course she did not-, but instead stood on her toes and tried to pull one of the books from the shelves. However, she wasn't tall enough to reach the upper shelves and thus, her fingertips brushed the book's spine, without being able to truly grab it, even though she stretched as high as possible. Wordlessly he stepped next to her and took the heavy leather-bound book. "History of the Valar," he noted. "I did not know you held any interest for this." Rai sighed. "I didn't," she admitted. "At least not, until I met Radagast." She looked up and blinked when she saw he had taken off crown, cloak and boots. He was walking barefooted by now and opened the small tin in his hands. A sweet-smelling salve was inside and carefully, he took some on his fingertips, to start rubbing it in her palms. Her eyes widened, as her skin warmed and the little wounds started closing.

"Aiwendil praises you highly," he finally said, when taking her other hand. Rai starred at the long, elegant fingers, that glided effortlessly above her skin, even though still clad in heavy rings. "You won a Maia's friendship, a gift only few have ever claimed."

Only when his fingers let go, she looked up and grinned. "I think, I've done some more stuff, that only few can say about themselves," she answered and he laughed quietly, before her growling stomach interrupted him. She didn't eat anything all day, other than a bowl of oatmeal, no surprise she was hungry now… however it didn't change the fact that she blushed. Thranduil frowned almost unnoticeably. Did nobody offer her a meal or so much as a goblet of wine? That was not how guests in his halls were to be treated, not even unexpected ones.


	19. Chapter 18 - Let's (not) talk about sex

**_Alcohol doesn't solve problems. But neither does milk._**

\- Unknown, German adage

xxx

"You are said to have awakened in Mordor," Thranduil started and took a bite of his quiche. He had announced himself to be quite hungry… with the amount of food dished up afterwards on the main chamber's oaken table, a whole family would have been sated for a couple of days. "You have no memory of entering the dark lands?"

She shook her head and swallowed a fork of… whatever it was. Vegetables, she guessed. Anyway, they were delicious. "I can't remember having woken up in Mordor," she admitted. "I just know what happened from Leo… My memories start after I woke up with him some time later, after he made his escape and took me with him." Thranduil considered whether the _Fell's_ report would be trustworthy at all; however, he wisely did not give away these thoughts. "We flew to the West after that, but stopped in the south of Ithilien… ah, well." She looked up. "Do you know an elf who's built a farm over there?"

The king frowned. "An _edhel_?", he asked and Rai blinked. "Ed-" " _Edhel_ ", he interrupted, before she was able to finish her question. "As we named ourselves long before _adanath_ , the race of man, did." She nodded, thankful he had saved her from just another attack of violent coughing. "Hafdir told me, one of his ancestors built the barnyard together with an elf. Many people already left Ithilien, but he and his family decided to stay… I was with them a few months ago."

"I will arrange an inquiry," he promised, before signalling her to take some more to her plate and switching topics. "Back then you were said to be hunting orcs." She lifted an eyebrow and broke off another piece of walnut bread, (the most delicious thing she ever remembered eating). "Do you doubt me?"

Thranduil smiled. "Your physique does not seem to be able to best any sort of practiced fighter," he answered and drank a mouthful of rich red wine. Rai puffed her cheeks. "Does the name Oslorin ring a bell?" He nodded; a single, graceful movement. "The ostlings' army fourth in command. A brilliant leader of their forces, unfortunately Gondor's declared enemy. He was murdered two years ago, while visiting a pleasure house." Surprised, Rai looked up. So far, nobody knew how exactly Oslorin had died… however, Thranduil simply lifted one of his striking brows in self-confidence, without attempting to explain any further. Rai decided to do the same. "He certainly didn't stab himself."

For a moment, Thranduil kept quiet, before taking a small tomato, putting it between his lips and chewing slowly. "How?", was all he finally asked.

Rai grinned. "I pretended to be a whore… and let me tell you, I can be _very_ …" She pulled the word long, "… convincing."

"You pretended to be a prostitute to murder him in bed?" Thranduil didn't know whether to be impressed or disgusted. To go that far… "I knocked at his door and entered." Apparently unaware of his inner dispute, Rai shook his head in an almost sad manner. "He had the smallest cock I've ever seen."

"It is not proper to talk about other people's genitals," Thranduil rebuked, yet she simply chuckled. "Well… I entered. He said he'd ordered another." She took some of the cheese. "I told him I knew that and I wouldn't even ask to be paid. All I ever wanted was to spend a night with such a strong… experienced… knight. I begged him to spend the night with me." Rai snorted and crunched a few grapes. "Their grins are the same. They always are. I crawled to bed with him and started opening my buttons… and when he turned around to put out the candle, I slit his throat." Another grape disappeared in her mouth. "Was a mess," she mumbled. Then she grinned. "Always expect the unexpected, I guess."

"You pretended to be a prostitute to enter a brothel and kill one of the ostlings' army officers in bed." The king shook his head. "I have experienced more than five thousand years of war, yet these ways were even unknown to myself."

"Then I guess nobody got creative enough," she answered dryly and reached for the wine's decanter. Never before -at least as far as she could remember- had she ever eaten that well. Thranduil himself had taken a lot less, instead emptying more than half of the wine himself. She poured herself only a little, before drinking carefully. "Damn, that's strong."

"This is Dorwinion, the very best wine on Rhûn's western shores," he noted and swirled it around in his goblet. "Does its taste displease you?"

Rai took another gulp and the heavy taste crawled down her tongue. It was rich and tasted like a fruit she didn't know… she didn't even want to know how much alcohol it contained. It probably wouldn't even take a full goblet to make her tipsy.

"Do I need to fear for my life now?", the Elvenking asked finally and she lifted her eyebrows. "You decide to ask now? I could've stabbed you with the cheese-knife four times over." Thranduil smirked lazily. "I am confident enough to be quite sure you might not."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes," he confirmed and thus, she admitted defeat. "You're probably right." With a sigh, she emptied her cup with a heavy gulp, before sighing happily. "Jhoana opens a bottle of wine whenever I visit," she said. "Awful stuff… but she's so proud of it, so I just have to drink with them every single time." She drank water almost without exception, very rarely she got to enjoy some juice… This wine was pretty surely the very best she had ever drunk and she didn't know when -or if at all- she would be able to get another cup. One goblet? Yes, it would take that much… wordlessly, she took the decanter once again and filled her goblet, before turning to Thranduil and offering a clumsy bow. "Some more wine, my Lord?"

The king lifted one of his eyebrows, before lifting his goblet. "As a valet, you are surely inappropriate," he judged and when a little, pink tongue poked out in his direction, he blinked irritated. Carefully, she filled the goblet, before taking her own again. It smelled like heaven and she took another sip before sighing. "I wish I knew if I have a family," she murmured and stared into the red liquid, before taking another gulp. "I think I could remember… before I took that bloody ring. But now I don't know anything… nothing at all."

"It might be a blessing… to be able to forget," Thranduil answered. "My father died, fighting in the battle of Dogorlad. My mother was unable to bear the mourning and set sail to the West. I stayed behind."

"You'd like to forget and I'd like to remember what I forgot." Rai sighed heavily and starred in her goblet. "The worst is not knowing," she admitted finally. "Do I have a family somewhere? Or am I all alone? Who have I been? How did I get to Mordor in the first place?" Her stomach warmed after the alcohol kicked in and she drank anew. It felt good to numb the swirling thoughts. "Some days, Leo's companionship makes the loss easier. Other days… not so much."

A few minutes they sat in silence, while Rai sipped on her remaining Dorwinion wine. Her head felt light and she guessed the alcohol would soon take its toll. She'd better speak as long as she was still able to. "I won't sleep with you again, as long as you're married."

Thranduil frowned. "Who told you I was bounded?"

She shrugged. "You have a son. I hear, elves are quite… fussy with stuff like that."

"Fussy." He repeated the word, pensive, before nodding slowly. "The _edhil_ are more stable in terms of love than you _edain_ are," he admitted. "Our bounds are formed for eternity."

"I that case I hope your wife knows you're an asshole." The words were brutal in her honesty and she crossed her legs, before pouring herself some more wine – this time without offering him. Thranduil took a diligent sip, before refilling the goblet himself. By now, the decanter was empty and he put it aside.

"You think I cheat on my wife," he stated. "However, if I was bound, I would rarely be able to do so physically… yet alone feel any urge for this crime at all." He set the goblet aside and his long, elegant hands folded in his lap. "My bound was revoked more than a thousand mortal years ago."

Rai swallowed. "Because… she… died, or…"

Thranduil kept silent for a long time, way too long, and she bit her lips. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. It was not her place to claw up things that apparently hurt. He didn't look up and thus, Rai managed to get herself out of the chair. The floor was wobbling… no, not the floor. She was simply drunk. Why did he have to seat himself that far away? She steadied herself, using the table, and carefully put one foot in front of the other. And then again. And again. Switch hands on the table to steady her, then another two steps. Just when she was right in front of him -clumsy as a one-legged chicken- she raised her eyes. Carefully, she sat on his lap and wiggled a little to get herself upright again. "Sorry," she repeated. In silence, the king watched her. If he was honest with himself, the conclusion she had come to, was rarely surprising. When he had bedded her the last -the first- time, the both of them had not been able to fully grasp their actions. Both had acted fast, maybe too fast, not over thinking what they were truly up to. She, caught in fear and confusion, and he, eaten up by loneliness and the desire for affection. And now, they had to pay their price for their improvidence. Yes, a union of two _edhil_ was neither torn by death, nor by eternity. And he had loved… even if…

Warm, soft lips tore him from the unpleasant memories of a day he only wished to forget and his head bucked up again. Rai flinched and blinked, as if not even certain herself, what had gotten into her to kiss him just like that. "I…" Carefully, his fingers caressed her hair. It was unkempt, yet clean. Some lavender oil would do wonders, soothe the stubborn strands and soften them. However, he had to smile at the thought. Her hair was her own perfect image: Stubborn, unruly, extravagant in its pure white colour -at least in the eyes of his people. Not pretty in common sense, much less beautiful… but so much more unique.

She looked up to him in question; however, Thranduil didn't answer. Instead, lowering his head, he was the one to kiss her. Rai's fingers shifted to his collar, caressing it. Inviting, her lips opened on his and he accepted. His tongue touched hers and he felt her fingers digging in his hair, instead of lingering on his collar. The taste of Dorwinion still clung to her lips and he enjoyed the additional note. Slowly, their kiss got messier, more urgent, until at some point, she tore off him to gasp for air. Instead of retreating, his hands shifted to her hair to pull her head backwards. Slowly, his lips glided down her throat, kissing the soft skin before lowering even more. His free hand caressed her back. Her breathing didn't calm down. Instead, her fingers blindly searched for his collar, to get rid of the brooch in front of it, placing it somewhere on the table.

With a jerk, he disengaged himself and straightened, to watch her from above. Her kiss was meant to comfort him, no sexual desire had been in it. He shouldn't have tainted it with any kind of sexual need.

Yet apparently, Rai thought different, since she opened his robe a little more to kiss his chest. She wanted to… and he wanted as well. There was nothing speaking against another night together -or at least the shared lust of their bodies. Using the fingers still tangled in her hair, he pulled her head backwards once more, before caressing the small of her back, the other lowering to her legs. In a swift movement, he got up, and Rai gasped.

In long paces, he crossed the room, kicking the door to the bed chambers shut behind them. Diligently, he lowered her to the sheets and watched his creation. The view was pleasant… very much so. He got rid of his rings and was grateful, since Rai had already abandoned her worn and dirty boots near the entrance before dinner, not wanting to smudge the fine carpets.

Her hands took his arm and he let himself be pulled into the sheets all too willingly. Again, his lips found hers and her eyes fell shut as she sighed happily. Her fingers opened his robe fully to fondle the warm skin underneath, and she heard a harsh breath as her nails scratched across his nipple. Elegant, long fingers opened her tunic and another one lifted her back, to be able to get rid of the fabric. When he lowered his head, his lips nuzzling her throat all the way down to her breasts, she nearly purred. His hands took hers, to help them opening the fasteners, to get rid of them. Yet instead of letting go, his fingers interlaced with hers, before continuing to caress her breasts. He imagined her body in noble fabrics, maybe a dress in midnight blue… he licked her collarbones. Or a golden embroidered robe… He kissed the spot right between her breasts. Maybe… he raised his head.

Her eyes were closed, breathing deep, totally at ease below him.

Sleeping.

Thranduil sighed. It seemed the last lonely centuries had rusted his abilities in the making of love. Rai murmured something he didn't nearly understand and nestled into his embrace, without even attempting to wake. Finally, he pulled the blankets above them both and slid next to her; however, a few moments afterwards, she had already curled up on his chest.

May the Valar hold him steady.


	20. Chapter 19 - Hangover

**Important author's note:**

First:

Thank you SO much for all your encouraging reviews and messages. They really keep me going. I'm still going to answer every one of them personally via PM (:

Also my thanks to those of you, who don't have an account and still send their regards, namely mapleleaf, Canela, Jay and eafygreen16.

Second:

I was often asked, when exactly this story is set. I actually had planned to involve the setting in progress with the plot, but that somehow didn't work out.

I needed to stretch some events from Tolkien's universe (and will have to keep on doing so on a few occasions). Basically due to the fact, that at the beginning, I didn't even know myself, when exactly this story would be set (for example, I once named Nihal a "daughter of Rohan" -I corrected that detail later on-, even though Rohan at this point isn't even founded yet).

1050 Third Age: 

Gondor reaches the height of its power. (Source: Ardapeadia)

Sauron takes up his abode at Dol Guldur. (Source: Ardapedia)

Greenwood is renamed Mirkwood. (Source: Ardapedia)

1200 Third Age:

Rai appears in Mordor; The Darkest Shade of White begins.

Rulers of the Kingdom of Rhovanion assume the title "King of Rhovanion". (Source: Ardapedia)

1213 Third Age:

13 years have passed, in which Rai and Leo strayed around in the wilderness, before getting captured by Legolas and his guard.

1248 Third Age:

Rómendacil II, the Regent of Gondor strikes a decisive blow to the Easterlings, forms a strong alliance with Rhovanion, to which he cedes all the lands east of Anduin. (Source: Ardapedia)

1300 Third Age:

The shadow over Middle-earth lengthens. (Source: Ardapedia)

The Realm of Angmar is formed north of Rhudaur under the rulership of a Black Nûmenorian, later revealed to be Witch King. (Source: Ardapedia)

The Nazgûl begin to reappear. Orcs begin to infest the Misty Mountains. (Source: Ardapedia)

As I said, during this fiction, I need to change around some details a little, to fit in with my plot:

Sauron did settle down in Dol Guldur; however, he already has set eyes on Mordor as another sanctuary.

The Nazgûl might not be active again in Middle-Earth, but they do exist again, taking action in secret. Gormlaith was sent to Mordor by Sauron, to take a position.

Many people left Ithilien, but not (yet) due to Sauron's threat from Mordor, but the Easterlings and their constant attacks on Gondor.

Also, there will be one more event, that'll have to be a few (hundred) years earlier, than Tolkien actually names it.

So, well… I hope this helps you to be able to fit this story into the Tolkien universe (:

xxXxx

 **Abstinence is for people who can't handle alcohol.**

\- Unknown, German adage

xxx

" _Aran nín?"_

Carefully, Thranduil pulled the bedchamber door closed and turned around. "Well met, Narethin."

"Well met, my Lord", the servant answered, before putting a tablet on the table. "I do not wish to disturb; however, if it was not me, Taradir would have insisted in serving to break your feast."

The king gave a nod. Narethin had done well to forestall yet another faux-pas by overtaking this duty. It would have been all but suspicious not to and above all would have meant taking the risk of having yet another unwished witness.

He issued his morning's instructions to the awaiting guards, while Narethin filled a plate with a delicious choosing of cheese, nuts, fruits and various kinds of bread, aside to a decanter of wine and another one filled with water. Afterwards, he started cleaning up the remains of yesterday's shared meal, piling them on his tablet. He had just sorted away the empty goblets, when the bedroom's door opened and Rai appeared.

"Gods," she groaned, holding her head.

"Good morning, _Brennil ní_ -" Narethin didn't finish his greeting, instead his face coloured brightly red and Thranduil turned around. Rai blinked, as if it would do any good in dimming the light that brightened the room, before making her way to the table to take the decanter filled with water and filling her replaced goblet, then downing the water in just three gulps. Apparently, she didn't see covering herself necessary, since her upper body was naked and her breast's tips had hardened in the cooler air, (the fire had died somewhere shortly before sunrise). Thranduil kept quiet for a moment, before noting: "You should clad yourself."

Narethin agreed, nodding furiously, but Rai didn't notice, too busy with the simple task of serving herself yet another goblet of water, downing it just like the first. When apparently this didn't bring the desired result, she grabbed both decanter and goblet. "Hello, Narethin," she blew, before looking down on herself. She blinked, as if only now noticing her naked state, then all but shrugged at it. "Nothing you haven't seen back then," she mumbled and turned around again. "I'll go back to bed… Gods, why is it that bright over here?!" she complained, kicking open the bedchamber door.

"N-No wine for you, _Brennil nín_?"

Rai groaned once again in suffering. "To Hell with that bloody stuff." She kicked the door closed and Narethin looked at his king. "Did I say anything wrong?"

Thranduil shook his head. "She is petulant," he simply answered and took the goblet Narethin proceeded to fill with his favourite wine. Being not overly hungry, he simply took some bites of the walnut-cheese he had come to approve very much. Surprisingly, before he had even finished breaking his fast, the chamber's door opened yet again and Rai shuffled out -this time clad in a simple tunic. "It's too bright," she groaned and rubbed her eyes.

"And what exactly is it, that happens to be too bright?" the king asked, but got an answer that was not really up to his expectations. "Everything! Your bedroom, the living room, Narethin's stupid white collar, you… Damn, I've got a headache." Suffering, she let herself fall on a chair and rubbed her forehead. Thranduil watched her in silence for a minute. Regularly, she suffered under the light cladding his own, as well as it did all _edhil_ ; some more than others. However, it was unusual for her, to vocalise it this very much. "It's your fault," she mumbled. "Just so you know."

"And how is that?" he asked, mildly interested. It was obvious, he thought a little differently.

"Without you, I wouldn't have drunk that much… Hell, without you, I wouldn't have drunk at all, at least none of that stupid wine," she complained and snatched a plain slice of bread to munch on.

"The wine was addled?" Narethin asked in alarm; yet Thranduil shook his head. "It was excellent."

"Of course, it was! Otherwise, I wouldn't have drunk that much!"

Much? Well, two filled goblets was everything but much in the Elvenking's eyes, but he wouldn't object.

"What is it then? Are you ill?" Illness as such was unknown by his people, but Narethin knew it could be of horrible consequence with mortals. Thank Eru, Rai shook her head and made a face right afterwards, as if the gesture would pain her. "I'm not sick," she griped. "I've just a bloody hangover!"

"Hang…over?" In wonder, the servant looked at his lord; however, he continued to watch Rai. "You don't know what… Oh, you lucky ones," the white-haired groaned and lifelessly fell back in her chair.

"Enlighten us," Thranduil ordered and Rai gave a crooked grin. "Of course, my king." The words had been mockery, yet he was startled for a mere moment, as it was the very first time she had addressed him with his title. "You know about alcohol, yes?" When he refused to answer, and simply lifted an eyebrow, she sighed and rubbed her face roughly. "If people… I mean, humans… mortals… whatever, you know what I mean, drink alcohol, it's actually a nice thing. You talk more, you laugh more, it makes you braver than usual. On the downside, however… Headache, stomach pain, oversensitivity towards light and you feel as if ten horses just ran you over. In short… you're hungover."

Narethin shuddered. "It sounds most horribe."

"And it feels even worse," she answered dryly.

"Then, why did you drink so much?" the servant blurted and Rai snuffed. "Why don't you ask your king? I needed to drink myself into a little more bravery, to…" She stopped and blinked. "Gods, please tell me, you were single."

"If it is about my bonding status, I have already explained it's non-existent condition", Thranduil answered, his voice carrying an unamused note. Did they not yet debate about it enough? However, before his anger could deepen, Rai made a face. "You could have hidden a dozen virgins for sacrificing purposes in your wardrobe and I couldn't remember."

Narethin gasped, while Thranduil answered with a single nod. It seemed, loss of memory was just another of a hangover's less enjoyable parts. Rai straightened her hair, but her fingers all but caught in the tangled strands and she grumbled, before starting to pull on the knots. Narethin stared at the tangled white mess, as if it pained him physically, while Thranduil kept silent. For his people -not just these, for all of the eldar, actually- hair was a great symbol of beauty. Long hair, well cared for, was attractive, as well as a melodious voice. Rai had neither. Her hair -even though of an exceptional colour according to his kind- was in a desolate state and her laugh might be beautiful; however, her articulation happened to be ordinary at best. Still, there was a certain attractiveness in her, even though it based more on contrasts than beauty. The obsidian eyes didn't fit with the purely white hair, the soft and plump lips were pierced with a ring of black metal.

In the meantime, Rai didn't trouble herself with the question of her own attraction; instead she got up and disappeared in the king's dressing room for a moment, before returning with two combs. She pulled back her chair, to slump in it again and Narethin watched in despair as she dragged the silver one right through her tangled hair. She would tear out all of it!

"Allow me to aid you," he begged and without waiting for her response, (there was nothing to lose - well, at least not for her hair), he took the comb from her fingers and began the unravel the white strands, starting on the ends. Didn't she put any attention to it? Below him, Rai patiently let him proceed, but it was quite obvious she did so for his sake rather than her own. When he was done, her hair was disentangled, if still uncared for. Rai got up and rolled her head, making her spine crack a little. Then, she looked up to Thranduil. "I need to see to Leo."

Wordlessly, he got up and made his way towards one of the shelves. He moved something, but his hands were covered by his back. After a moment, another shelf shifted forward a few inches before soundlessly sliding aside. Narethin's mouth might have hit the floor. Of course he was aware that there were pathways in these halls, known by no one but the king himself. Yet none of the valets had ever seen one. That the king bestowed this honour on him, who had started his service not even one moon ago, made him feel nearly drunk with pride. Thranduil turned around. "Whom and what have you seen?"

"I served your morning meal, my Lord. Of course, you have been on your own; however, I did help you with your robes and took longer than usual." Thranduil nodded, satisfied with his servant's answer, and Rai chuckled. "And they always say elves are moralists."

"Another word and I will have you crawl to your rooms, _tinnu nín_."

Rai grimaced, before uttering: "No, thanks." She really wasn't too keen on making her way through the halls just the way she had arrived. Instead, she grabbed her boots. They really were worn, even having a hole or two. She had to get herself new ones as soon as she was able. Quietly, Thranduil waited while she dressed herself before entering the dark corridor, Rai right behind him. "You intend to leave?" he asked finally. He had neither right, nor desire to keep her against her wishes; and yet his bed had been cold without the little person next to him, who either curled together like a kitten in front of a warm fireplace or took up as much space as her extremities allowed. Rai hesitated, before answering. "It's up to Leo, really."

He nodded and made his way through the last turns before activating yet another mechanism that made daylight flood the dark pathway. Rai grumbled. The darkness had been far easier on her headache. She squinted her eyes and stepped outside. It was the exit they had used when they had decided to share their first night. She would find her way from here.

"Whenever you enter these halls again, require audience with me."

"Very well, my king", she grinned and he lifted an eyebrow. "Obedience does make you look rather lovely."

Without caring about the heat making its way through her cheeks, he turned around and disappeared. His figure seemed to reflect the little light in the cave's darkness before the metal door clicked close once again.

Rai rubbed her cheeks, as if doing so would lessen their redness. That damn… she couldn't even think of a fitting insult! One day. One day she would stun him and victory would be hers. Probably. Maybe. Damn. She sighed and decided to make her way back to the white bridge. She had no idea where Leo was -aside from somewhere in the forest, obviously- but somehow, they had always managed to find each other again, so she'd just start over there. At least his aching stomach should be better by now. Why did he have to stuff himself nearly out of the ability to fly anyway? Maybe they should travel down to Ithilien again… trying to help Jhoana a little with whatever she did during the cold months. She carefully made her thought wander as far away from a certain ellon with entirely too much – no, she wouldn't start with that just again.

She passed the last river bend, and saw the white bridge glowing in the sunlight. Greeting the four guards with a nod, she crossed it and entered the forest. "Leo?" A few seconds passed, before he answered; a shrill call, as the Fellbeast rose above the trees from around a mile away. Rai blinked. How had he been able to hear her over such a distance? She had expected him to be closer by far.

A few moments passed, as he made her way to her and got down on the bridge, effectively blocking it for whoever wanted to pass.

 _You smell._

"Thanks," she snorted before asking: "Did your ears improve or was that just a lucky shot?"

 _The trees said you asked for me._ She lifted her eyebrows. The trees? Well, wasn't that unexpected news. _You have your Elfking, so I'm making some friends as well._ Leo wheezed. He had never been much of a tree lover; however, the trees seemed to like him for whatever reason. He didn't even know himself what- quickly nearing steps interrupted his thoughts and he raised his head. _Someone's coming._

Rai turned around, and he was right: An elleth ran out of the gate at high speed, right across the bridge and Leo bared his teeth. What did she want?

She flinched and nearly stumbled as the Fellbeast broke her pace, but she managed to go on. Rai sighed. If she didn't stop herself soon, Leo probably would make her. The white-haired stepped forward. The elleth stuttered to a halt, her raven-black hair tangled because of the sprint she just had made, before uttering a mass of words Rai didn't even begin to understand. "I don't speak Sindarin," she reminded and the elleth shirked. "Apologies," she stuttered and Rai sighed. "It's alright. So, what is it?"

Leo lowered his head. The she-elf reeked of fear with every inch of her body. The smell of it had always made him hungry, and elf-flesh was a delicacy he had rarely come to enjoy, even while serving under Gormlaith… and as it seemed, he never would again. Pity. His gaze was on Rai again, who lifted her hands in defence, while the she-elf started talking all over again. "My sister… I beg of you! You need to help her, we… we already did everything, even the healers have lost hope for her."

"Uhm…" Rai blinked. She had not even the slightest idea what this elleth was talking about. "You have saved Noharíel, when he already was on his way to Mandos. I beg of you, save Eliandeth, I beg of you to try! She is… She is all I have left on these shores!"

Noharíel? If she remembered correctly, that was the ellon, whom she had guided after battle. She had offered him a place to hide, to escape the gates' all too bright light, from which there was no way back once entered. But It had been oh so very hard, every moment had torn at her and she had only made it, since the warrior himself had fought with her. "I cannot do wonders." The words were sober and made the elleth's eyes water… she couldn't remember to have ever seen one of them cry. Leo blew out the remaining air in his lungs with a heavy sigh. _Three…_ "I…" _Two…_ "I'll try." _One. You are so predictable_.

"I do not know how to thank you," she stuttered and managed to get up again. Rai rubbed her forehead. Fucking hell, she was too hungover for this. The headache just got worse and all in all, she felt more like taking a nap in the halls of healing, rather than helping somebody out of there. "She fought in battle?" she asked instead, while following the black-haired elleth. "Ever since she was an elfling, it was her dream to defend her home… When she started serving, she gave me her word, not to die on battlefield." Her voice was quiet and Rai nodded wordlessly. She knew the way to the halls of healing way better than she wished she did. If Fìriel was still there? Probably. She'd only leave, when there was nothing more she could do.

"Eliandeth?" Her company's voice tore her from her thoughts. "Eliandeth, I found her. Do you hear me? I brought her here." There was some more monologuing in Sindarin – was is Sindarin? She couldn't be sure, but the pronunciation seemed strange, not quite fitting. It just seemed… off, somehow. She looked around. Next to the pallet was a chair and she took it, while carefully watching the elleth in front of her. She was heavily wounded even; as an amateur, Rai was able to declare that much. One arm was missing, the remaining stump wrapped in bandages. Across her chest were even more of them, tightly wound, and still blood already stained them. She sat aside a little. "Please let go of her," she instructed, and the black-haired elleth swallowed before carefully laying the remaining hand back on the sheets. Rai took a deep breath and took the limp fingers to link with hers.

xxx

 _"_ _Eliandeth? That is your name, isn't it? Eliandeth!"_

 _No answer._

 _"_ _Eliandeth!"_

 _Still, no answer. Rai looked around in search. She remembered. This was the very same place she had found Noharíel, and somehow completely different still. As if it was the same place, but two different people experienced it. It was bright, much too bright and she groaned in pain. "Eliandeth!" she called, searching again. Somewhere, the elleth had to be here; that much was for sure. However, she could see no further than maybe two or three steps before the blinding light made it impossible to detect anything. Slowly, she took a step, then another and a third one. The light was blinding, it hurt and pushed her back. She didn't belong here. Far away, she saw gates, white and so beautiful, it pained to merely look at them. She could barely get closer, every single step threatened to push her back, yet she grit her teeth and went on. Noharíel had been much closer to her, so much further away from the gates. She took another step, her muscles trembling, her skin burning. "Eliandeth!" It hurt, it hurt oh so very much. She couldn't go on much further, if the elleth wasn't here, she would be unable to find her at all._

 _She stumbled, nearly falling on her knees, before recognizing what it was that was in her path. "Found you," she murmured and lowered to the ground._

 _The elleth whimpered. She had curled herself to a ball, as if doing so would save her from the ever-present light. "I do not want this," she lamented. "I cannot. Not yet."_

 _"_ _Hush now…" Carefully, Rai pulled the elleth's head of tangled dark brown hair to her lap. "It's alright. Everything's gonna be okay." She pulled the body even closer and gulped. It was bright, everything was so unbearably bright. She took a deep breath. "I've got you. It's alright now."_

 _"_ _Linarin… Where is Linarin?"_

 _"_ _Linarin is not here. She's waiting for you."_

 _"_ _I cannot leave… cannot leave yet. I gave my word."_

 _"_ _I know, I know," Rai murmured, without really listening. She was in pain. The skin burned, as if been set on fire. Her limbs hurt and if she had had to get up now, she wouldn't be able to. But she had found Eliandeth, and that was what mattered. She didn't even know what she looked like to the elleth right now. Whether she had any form, or was just a contourless shadow. She wasn't even sure whether Eliandeth was able to hear her at all – but that didn't matter right now. She just had to keep the elleth's presence with herself; she mustn't drift any further towards the gates. If she did, she was ultimately out of reach. Rai exhaled slowly. It was well. Now it just had to get better._


	21. Chapter 20 - Sweet Nothingless

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Every single one of your reviews really keeps me going. I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I'm in some kind of creativity low... Let's hope I get over with it quickly :/

Personally, I don't like this chapter at all. But well... A little fluff (I guess?) never hurts. For further advice on hair tending, consult your elvish waifu.

xxx

 **Problems don't get solved, while we wait for God to take care of them.**

\- Martin Luther King

xxx

When she opened her eyes, it was dark around her. A strange thing, since the Halls of Healing - or any room here, as far as she was able to judge - were never really dark. Somewhere, light always found its way into the chambers. However, in here she was surrounded by total darkness; she couldn't even see five inches afar. She groaned in pain and sank back in her chair. Good God, it hurt so much. Her tongue felt swollen and hot in her mouth, the fingers that had been clamped in the elleth's hand were stiff and her hands felt raw and skinned. And above all, where was Linarin? Rai had expected her to stay with them, but it seemed she had been wrong.

Stiffly, she got up and took a deep breath. This had been exhausting, very much more than the last time. Eliandeth had been far closer to the gates than the ellon she had clung to after battle. As long as she stayed with her, she'd be able to keep the connection. Offering protection from the everlasting light, but it was so very much more straining than the last time.

With a deep sigh, she forced her tired limbs to move and tried to blink the darkness away. Did they darkened the room to help her? She couldn't be certain, however; before she was able to ponder any longer, the door opened just the tiniest bit, lightening the room a little in the process. "Come in." Even she herself heard the weariness in her voice. Careful steps neared and Rai forced a smile on her face, even though it was probably more of a grimace. "Hey, Linarin." On the other side of the door, hushed words were uttered. Sindarin, she guessed. Another pair of silent feet got closer and Rai looked up. "Fìriel," she mumbled and the healer stepped closer. Slowly, the darkness retreated.

"I never told you my name," Linarin quietly stated and Rai sighed. "She asked for you," she answered tiredly and didn't even have the power to lift her head more than two inches. She was so very tired and everything hurt… everything was in pain. The white-haired lowered her head again and finally, Fìriel spoke up. "Your hands require tending." She was right, Rai noticed. The skin was red and burnt, cracked on a few places. The wounds wept and their edges were coloured in a sickly yellow-white. "If I let go now, she's lost." The statement was quiet and sober; Linarin sobbed. "She was too close to the gates," she murmured. "Just a few steps closer and I wouldn't be able to get to her."

"Gates?" Before she was able to answer, Fìriel cut in. "This conversation shall be for another occasion." Thankful, Rai blinked towards her. She was just too tired, to have a discussion like that right now.

xxx

"But… she has not yet woken up."

Rai gave a tired sigh. "I know."

"If I wait any longer, she won't find her way back." With her free hand, Rai rubbed her face. "She's stable. I can't wait any longer." It was the truth: For two days she had stayed right beside Eliandeth, gotten mere minutes of sleep, had rarely eaten. However, the more time passed, to bigger the risk of Eliandeth not being able to step out of the comforting shadow and back into life grew. Both, herself and the healers, had done everything they could during these last few days; yet it was uncertain whether it would be enough. Anyway, she was far too weary to ponder further about the difficulties and risks that a sanctuary in the shadows meant. It had been necessary.

"I can't wait any longer."

Slowly, she loosened her left hand's stiff fingers and grit her teeth to bite back a whimper. Then, she retreated her second hand as well, before carefully lowering the elleth's fingers on the sheets. She didn't move, when Rai got up – only to nearly fall down a mere moment later. She had rarely moved at all during the last two days, not moving from Eliandeth's side. Every movement had been limited since she couldn't have let go of the elleth's hand.

"Follow me, if you would."

Surprised, she looked up. A guard had appeared behind her; she couldn't remember his name, but remembered to have seen her face somewhere. She nodded and forced her aching legs to get moving.

"So help her, you fool," Fìriel rudely hissed. She had arrived at the bed not too long after Rai and afterwards had refused to leave as well. It was she who had darkened the room after having escorted all the visitors outside. Rai didn't know what exactly had happened, but Fìriel had explained how she had started talking in Sauron's tongue. She wasn't able to understand the language and neither did she want to, since every single sound was disgusting and felt wrong and painful in her ears. However, as the shadows had started creeping down the walls, swallowing Eliandeth's body, she had darkened the floating lights and evacuated the room – at least, until Rai became conscious again. She had not left the room afterwards. While Rai had kept the elleth in a stable -yet critical- condition, the elleth had done her very best to hasten the recovery process.

The guard wanted to throw her a glance that left no question about his less than willing attitude towards the subject. However, Fìriel's face left no doubt about him having to cope, if he ever wished for any kind of service after another few bruises after training. Thus, he grabbed the white-haired's arm to aid her steps, while she stumbled next to him. It was a pathway she didn't recognise, but she was way too tired to remember any of it right now. At some point, a door was opened in front of her and the ellon let her go. "You shall reside here, whenever you decide to seek refuge in the king's halls. You may use them as you wish." Rai blinked. The room was huge, (even if not as gigantic as Thranduil's living space), and two doors led to separate rooms. The bed was covered in sheets and the area left room for a desk with a chair, two soft-looking armchairs, a small selection of around a dozen books, a few chests and a large cupboard. Placed on a table stood a bowl of fruit beside a decanter filled with water. Carpets covered most of the ground and a large window took more than half of the southern wall; heavy curtains allowed for shutting out the light. The fireside was lit.

"If you are in need of assistance, you may make use of the bell." The guard nod towards a long, red rope, the lead to somewhere she couldn't see and probably activated some mechanism. Normally, she'd try to figure it out, but right now she was just too tired to even think of anything besides the soft looking sheets. "If you do, a servant will be by your side as soon as possible. Is there anything else you might require?"

"Sleep," she mumbled. "Some sleep would be nice."

The ellon nodded and retreated, closing the door behind him. Rai pulled off her boots, (nearly crushing to the floor in process), and crawled between the sheets. They smelled like heaven and she was just Oh so tired…

xxx

Long fingers stroked her hair, soothing the tangled strands. Still half asleep, she cuddled into the caress and contently murmured under her breath. It took a few seconds until reality set in and her eyes cracked open, and she flinched. Some more moments passed, before she recognized the person sitting on her sheets.

"Thranduil?"

"That is my name," he confirmed and finally, Rai clumsily sat up. He pulled back his hand, ignoring her little pout, before she asked: "What are you doing here?"

"This is my realm. In which way do I need to exculpate?"

Rai snuffled. "Sometimes I really don't know how I ended up in bed with you."

A dark brow lifted. "Shall I explain?"

"Ungh, no," she griped and flinched, as she straightened herself. She was awfully stiff, every move hurt. After days without even the idea of a bath she felt filthy and disgusting and probably looked the very same. Still… "Any news?"

Thranduil guessed where she was referring to, but shook his head. "Eliandeth has yet to gain consciousness."

Her head dropped. "I waited for too long," she murmured. "The longer one seeks refuge within the shadows, the harder it gets to leave. The desire to stay, to let fall, let everything go, gets stronger and stronger. It should've stopped sooner. But then, it might've been too early… I wouldn't have been able to follow her again, the gates were already far too close."

Thranduil's head snapped up. "Gates?"

She nodded. "It's unbelievingly big, without a beginning or any end. Everything is flooded with light and in the distance are the gates. The further you get towards them, the stronger the light gets… I cannot get too near, or… I don't know. Maybe I'll be burnt. It certainly feels like it. Eliandeth was on the very edge. Just a few more feet and I wouldn't have been able to get to her anymore, because-" She blinked. "Thranduil?"

"They're the gates to Mandos," the king quietly answered. "To the Halls, where our kin remain after having been slain in battle. You have seen them?"

The Halls of Mandos? She had heard about that a few times, actually, but- " _Edhel_ are not meant to die," the ellon explained. "Yet we are not secured from a violent death. Whenever this happens, the _fae_ will remain within Mandos' Halls, until Arda in unmade… my father remains there."

"I'm sorry," Rai murmured. "But… Your mother, didn't she…"

" _Naneth_ was unable to bear the pain. She sailed West, mere weeks after the taking part in the fallen soldiers' funeral ceremonies. I stayed behind on these shores, my people battered after years of battle, their _fae_ torn by death and darkness… and a son who was a mere elfling." He was grateful for it. Had Legolas been just a few decades older, he would have been sent to battle as well. He would have had to fight along with the Last Alliance, the fallen warriors' bodies rotting beside him, the wounded screams of agony in his ears… he wouldn't have been able to lose him as well. If it hadn't been for his son, he would have set sail to the West alongside his _naneth_. And probably most of his people would have followed. "Hey…" Carefully, his cheek was caressed. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to bring back unpleasant memories." Her apology was an honest one. He had already mentioned his mother wasn't with him, but she didn't think that…

The king's face softened. "You are young," he answered, as if that explained everything. Rai chuckled. "And you are old." She wriggled around a little and flinched, when the movement sent a sharp sting through her back.

Thranduil got up. "Come."

Obediently, she took her boots and stood up. "Where are we going?"

Whenever they met, Thranduil had made pretty much every preparation possible, to avoid being seen with her. Why did he just now- "Oh." She blinked, when he opened the wardrobe, to do something she couldn't see, and the back door soundlessly slid open. Behind the two of them, he pulled close the wardrobe's doors (now that they both stood inside, its size made way more sense), before entering a pathway.

"I had reasons to choose these particular rooms for you," he stated and Rai grinned. "Then walk ahead, my Lord."

A few minutes passed in silence. Again and again, they passed cross-ways, some a little wider or higher than others, some illuminated, others mostly dark. Twice, pathways even went above each other and Rai blinked. "You probably have to be immortal, to have enough time to remember all that," she murmured and Thranduil smiled. "None but my son and I may enter these pathways. If these halls were to be conquered by whatever enemy we stand against, most of them were built to be able to evacuate people safely outside," he explained and Rai gave a nod. It only happened on rare occasions, but she really was impressed. Such a labyrinth and he had done everything on his own… Suddenly, another door opened in front of them and Rai recognised the bookshelf that had slid aside, making way to his chambers.

"Do you remember the path?"

The white-haired blinked. "Not even close," she admitted and the king frowned, before his face got calm again. Obviously, she was forgiven. He made the heavy shelf slide back again. "You will not enter these pathways on your own," he ordered. "Some lead to a very unpleasant death." "And you're telling me _now_?!"

"It is early enough," he deemed and walked ahead. To her surprise, right to the one door she hadn't already entered. She stepped beside him and immediately, warm and hot air blew into her face. The room was huge, as large as the living room. On her left, water rinsed down the wall, to be collected by a curb on the floor, flowing into a large basin. Another one was captured in a pool of white marble, the water steamed and bubbled. Another basin had been carved into the ground, the water inside shone turquoise and had a wonderful smell she didn't recognize. There were even more pools, one of them a dozen meters long, taking all the space down the right wall and another little, circled one, next to yet another closed door.

"Uhm…" Rai blinked, obviously a little overwhelmed by that much luxury. She had taken a few baths in hot springs if she could find them, and normally simply cleaned herself in just another river.

Meanwhile, Thranduil strode to the small pond filled with turquoise water and pulled forward a little, wooden bench, to put his boots on.

"You know, there are more subtle ways to tell me I smell," she noted half-heartedly and bowed down, to pull her boots off. Unfortunately, she wasn't only way clumsier than him, but also so very stiff, she actually had to sit down to reach her feet. "If it had just been filth, you might as well wash yourself in a puddle," he answered and watched her teeter to the pool stiffly. At least, the pond was in-ground, allowing her to simply slide inside. Sighing, she skittered aside, as Thranduil's robes fell to the ground. Rai made a face. "Can't you be a little more… clumsy?"

"Clumsy?" He lifted an eyebrow and she sighed once again. She was awfully stiff, and more than a little clunky. She could live perfectly well with that… but every one of his flawless movements showed their differences all to clearly, making her feel ignoble. A few moments passed, before Thranduil as well slid into the steaming water.

More and more, her cramped body relaxed, until she finally had sunk into the hot water all the way up to her chin. If she stayed inside around half an hour, she might be able to move painlessly again. Thranduil noticed her proceeding relaxation. The bath's water had been laced with healing essences, that might even close up scratches and stop small bleedings. A few sore muscles should be calmed perfectly well. Rai's eyes fell shut and she slid down further, until the water touched her chin. Her hair floated at the surface, tangled, knotty, and begging for attention. Finally, he gave a silent sigh. "Come here." Sleepy, black eyes blinked towards him and after a moment, which apparently her brain needed to process his words, she shuffled towards him until she was leaning against his chest. Carefully, he took the wet hair, ordering the untidiest strands. "Dive," he ordered, and surprisingly, she obeyed and disappeared below the surface. He took a small bottle, when she emerged, and carefully began to message the white liquid into her hair and scalp, all the way down. He rinsed her hair, just to take another potion, before carefully combing the white hair. "Dive," he ordered again, just to knead some other liquid into her hair afterwards, churning it between his palms. Content, her eyes stayed shut, while his long fingers worked their way on her strands.

"I think, you revived it by now," she finally chuckled, after the fifth potion had been rubbed into her hair. It wasn't soap anymore, since after the first two sessions, he had used something else. Afterwards, he had massaged something inside, that had been some kind of scented salve, and now he seemed to have used the merest drops of oil. Afterwards, he pinned up her hair, to avoid them falling back into the water. As he took just another bottle, she frowned. He had just apparently finished doing… whatever it was, that he had done. Why- "Oh." Well, of course he'd like to wash his own hair as well. "Let me do it," she offered and after a short moment of hesitation, Thranduil lowered his hands again. Rai turned around and straightened a little, before carefully foaming… whatever it was, that he used… and started massaging it into his hair. It was way more soft and shiny, than hers could ever hope to be, and a lot longer. She laughed a little. Even his hair obeyed him.

"What are you laughing about, _tinnu_ _nín_?", he asked in a mild voice and she smiled. "Only your perfection."

"I am not perfect," he replied frowning and she shrugged. "Your hair is." She nodded contently. "Done." Unlike her, he didn't dive all the way, instead just leaning back until he was able to rinse his hair. Then she sighed. "I think, I need to get out. My fingers are shrivelled."

"Pardon me?"

Rai laughed and showed him her fingers. The skin was soaked and had tightened afterwards; it had taken on an unhealthy white colour. "Mortals are strange creatures," he stated. "Said the immortal Elvenking in his bathroom," she grinned and took one of the soft towels that were kept neatly folded on a small shelf. Carefully, she padded outside and took her clothes, just to put them aside again, making a face. Everything was filthy and smelled, being soaked in sweat as well. She honestly wasn't too keen on putting them on again, now, that she was clean for once. Maybe she could wash them somewhere too, before having to put them on again. For now, the towel had to be enough.


	22. Chapter 21 - Adar

Surprise, it's me again. Happy Halloween, guys!

Chapter 21 is beta'd again by lovely Tammy. Thank you so much :)

xxx

 **Blood is thicker than water.**

\- Unknown, Adage

xxx

" _Adar?_ "

Grumbling, Rai snuggled closer to the warm body holding her own from behind. As soon as she had finished in the bathroom, the fatigue had reclaimed her body. She had been deathly tired and Thranduil himself had picked her up at the threshold, after she slipped twice on the perfectly smooth floor, to carry her into bed. No more than an hour could have passed in the meantime and again, some friggin' – " _Adar!_ " The voice came closer and behind her, Thranduil jerked into a sitting position. "Legolas! Wa-" Unfortunately, his warning was too late, since the bedroom's door got opened that very moment. "Legolas." This time, he sounded resigned and Rai forced her eyes to crack open. She would've given quite a lot for a few more minutes of sleep, but apparently, life decided to fuck her over once again.

"Hey, Legolas," she mumbled and sat up a little, only to stop the silken cover she had rolled herself into, from falling to the ground. Tiredly, she rubbed her eyes. There was something pounding in her head, as if she failed to realise something quite important, but she was just way too tired to grasp it. She shook her head, to clear her thoughts a little and a few moments later, the situation clicked into place. "Shit."

"How long?"

Thranduil sighed. " _Ion nín [My son]…_ "

"How long, Adar?" the prince demanded.

The king got up, to clad himself in a silver robe. "The night after battle," he responded. Legolas' eyes squinted; without a doubt he remembered Rai's departure, where he had met her just a few hours after – without even Rai herself knowing whether she'd return at all. If it hadn't been for Radagast, it might have taken years... if at all.

"And you did not feel any need to inform me of your wedding?"

Wedding? Oh Gods. He didn't… Damn, what if… Rai felt her cheeks draining of colour.

Again, Thranduil sighed. "We have lain with one another, ion nín. No more… and no less."

The prince crossed his arms. "That makes no difference."

"Not for our kin," the king confirmed. "However, mortals do not connect the love of soul and body as deeply, as we do."

"Any love without _fae_ is worthless," Legolas judged. "Since when do you follow the paths of mortals, _Adar_ , if they never were of any interest to you before? There are many ellith who would gift you their marriage, and happily so. You lower yourself, for… for what? A craving that is meaningless without a shared bound of _fae_!"

Another sigh, this time a heavy one. " _Ai_ , Legolas… Do you not think I was already offered this? And yet, none would want me, _ion nín_ … none ever yearned for the ellon I am, but for this realm's king. This love is worthless and in vain, nothing but a poison that brings but pain and suffering. Never once my _fae_ was loved… is it condemnable for me to yearn for affection, even though I shall be denied marriage? One night of tenderness, the idea of being loved in knowledge that, even though not for my _fae_ , I am at least not desired for nothing but my title?"

For a moment, Legolas kept silent. "I love your fae, _Ada,_ " he then answered. "Even though in an entirely different way. Do you remember, when I was but an elfling, barely a decade of age, and sneaked to the stables at night, to visit the horse you had gifted me two days hence? Of course, I fell, but instead of scolding me, you tended to my grazed knee, while singing the song of Nimrodel, until my tears had been dried."

The king gave a mild smile. "How could I ever forget what brought the greatest joy to my heart? Forgive my words, Legolas. Of course… How could I ever forget your love, the most important of them all?"

Rai lowered her head. She felt greatly misplaced. This conversation wasn't meant for her ears. Did her family even exist? Of course, she was not made from thin air, but… did she have parents, who were waiting for her somewhere? Siblings? Anyone, whose heart she was currently breaking with her disappearance? Or was she really all alone, nobody but herself and Leo? She knew, Jhoana and Hafdir -also Mirak and Radir- would always greet her with open arms and a smile, whenever her and Leo made it to Ithilien. Maybe, she should have acknowledged it more. Maybe, she should have stayed during summer, to help working on the fields, stayed longer, than a few days here and there. But it just had hurt so much, whenever she had realised, how she was no more than a parasite in this honourable family, that survived by hard work each and every day.

" _Tinnu nín?_ "

She looked up and only now noticed the tears blurring her vision. How much had she missed, caught up in pondering and sadness? "I wanted to be loved, too, you know?", she murmured. "You are loved, and might it just be because of your title. But nobody loves me… Whoever looks at me, walks away – if I'm lucky. If not for more, then I at least wanted to be loved for a single night."

Careful fingers wiped the tears away and Thranduil sighed, before turning to his son again. "We are but two fools, living in an illusion of solace and caring," he sighed quietly and Rai caught his fingers, to nestle into his palm.

Legolas kept silent. He knew how his father suffered in solitude. Some days worse than others. He was very aware, why he had decided to keep this… affair… a quiet one, since it went against all moral of their people. Love, marriage, sex, bonding… there was no difference, at least not among their kin. One was simply impossible without the other; worthless, unthinkable. However, he was all too aware even this did not ensure happiness. That it had been his own father, who made this bitter experience, hurt greatly. And if he found a little comfort in… whatever this was, then it might be so.

"I shall take over the patrol-leading and summarise the reports. The documents will be stored on my desk… the delivery from Dorwinion will arrive soon, I will take it over and make sure the costs are settled."

Thranduil hesitated. "Legolas…"

"Is there anybody else, who is aware of this?"

"Narethin."

The prince blinked in surprise. "Narethin? But he started service merely two months ago. Why him?"

"He found me naked in the wardrobe." Rai couldn't suppress her chuckle, even though it resembled a sob. "At least, it took him an hour to fall unconscious."

"Valar." Legolas sighed. "Very well, so be it. At least I know whom to talk to." He grasped his father's shoulder. "Whatever you decide to do, _ada_ … I shall always be by your side."

A few moments later, the door fell shut and for a few minutes, neither of them spoke, before Rai cleared her throat a little.

"When I saw you for the first time, you were the most beautiful being I'd ever seen. Afterwards, I hated you quite passionately for a while… and at some point, I realised, that you're actually not that bad."

The king's lips twitched in amusement. "Not that bad?"

Rai shrugged. "You amputated my finger, locked me up, nearly killing me in process, and also, you don't even try _not_ to despise Leo," she stated. "These clearly are a few points against you."

"Even though I have done you injustice, I may not ask your forgiveness. I have acted to secure my peoples' wellbeing and I shall never be sorry for that."

The white-haired sighed. "Of course not." Still, it hurt.

A single finger tucked under her chin and lifted her face. "However; I might make amends?" he asked and mere seconds later, warm and soft lips captured her own. She blinked in surprise, before giving him a small smile. "Do your best," she murmured and his fingers carefully stroked her hair, while his lips opened the ones underneath. "It will be my pleasure."

xxx

"Leo!"

 _You smell._

One shallow "Oof" later, she lay on the ground, a heavy head on her chest. "Can't breath," she gasped and the Fellbeast sniffed. _Don't be a wuss._

She grabbed two of his chin's spikes, to lift herself up again.

"I missed you," she admitted and he wheezed. _That's what you get for having to save useless people and leaving me all alone out here._

She crawled on his back and snuggled between the heavy spikes. "Narethin washed my clothes," she happily announced. "I no longer smell like a ton of bullshit."

 _But elvish light instead._

"Does taking a bath help for something like that?"

 _Less mating would do good_.

With a single swing, the Fellbeast swung himself to the sky and turned towards the forest. "Missed you so much," she repeated and with a jerk, Leo folded his wings and let himself fall downwards, while Rai screamed in happiness. Meter for meter, the world got closer, only for Leo pull upwards again at the very last moment. Two beats of his wings, three, then he twisted himself right back into the sky, only to fall down to earth yet again. Up and down, left and right, until sky and earth seemed to be united. Rai gave a cheering scream and Leo, too, opened his jaws, to shout his joy right into the world. This was life, this was freedom. Who cared about the borders some king decided to draw, any realm, that in the end would be conquered and forgotten? They could pass Gondor to the south, cross the great desert in the east, travel all the way to the icefields northerly… Were there even limits left for them? Who wanted to stop them?

Hour after hour passed, arms ached, wings shuddered, and only, when the first raindrops splashed onto them, Leo shrieked. _Rain! Ew!_

"Can't you take shelter somewhere?", she asked, but the Fellbeast bared his teeth. _That's too far! Wet!_

Rai growled a little. The rain got stronger with every passing moment; why didn't they notice the dark clouds, that had crept closer from the east, earlier? Leo got down to the white bridge, to let her climb down, and Rai frowned. The gates were big enough, to let riders pass, however- "Open the gates fully!"

"But-" The main gate, that separated bridge and halls, was opened, but it was only the middle one, which was by far the smallest of the combination of three gates, of which the two outer ones were kept closed. And if those would be opened as well, the entry would be wide enough, for a Fellbeast. "Do it already!"

"The gates will only be opened at midsummer night," the guard disagreed.

"Looks midsummerly enough for me. Now open up!"

To her surprise, it wasn't the left of the two gates that was opened, but the right one instead. Instantly, she turned around, and got a glimpse of two guards, who together moved a heavy lever. She thought she recognised one of them, but beneath the armour, she couldn't be sure.

"Thanks! C'mon, Leo."

With a jerk, the Fellbeast lifted himself upwards, to snake himself right through the gates into the halls. Dry, thank the Gods. Grumbling, he agitated, trying to dry his scales at least the tiniest bit. Behind him, Rai entered; right afterwards, the heavy gate fell closed again, to click shut with a metallic crunch. Leo looked around.

 _Big enough_ , he determined and Rai laughed. It really was gigantic, even big enough for him, to be able to fly inside. Outside, the rain got stronger by the second and even the thick layers of leaves wouldn't have protected him against the wetness. While Leo got up and spread his wings, to make the remaining water droplets disappear, Rai lowered herself on one of his claws to swing her legs. "We could go to Ithilien."

In surprise, the Fellbeast watched her. _I wasn't aware you wanted to leave._

She shrugged and stared to the ground, pretending to watch an ant. "I think, I never was grateful enough for all Jhoana and Hafdir did for me… us. They offered me a home and a family… I should've appreciated it more."

 _Feeling guilty? Where does that come from?_

Rai kept silent and lowered her face in her hands. Normally, they would have left by now, without even looking back. They would be gone, as soon as the rain stopped. But now? Now, everything was… different. She remembered last night, having spent it with Thranduil in a both-sided agreement of gifting each other comfort and affection in a way, they normally were denied. What about him, if she just disappeared? Who would comfort him, would lo- " _Brennil nín!_ "

She looked up. "Narethin," she greeted the servant, who was about to open his mouth. However, he stumbled backwards, when Leo bowed down a little.

"I deliver message of- _Ai!_ " He jumped backwards, as Leo lowered himself, to base on his wings' knuckles. He was curious. Rai sighed. "Leo."

 _What?_ , he demanded. It rarely was his fault, this elf was such a wuss! He simply was curious. He leaned forward a little more, tilting his head. _Not that bright_ , he stated. _But he still smells of light._

She rolled her eyes. "Just ignore him," she advised. "What's up?"

"Eliandeth has regained consciousness," Narethin reported. "She asked to speak to you. Noharìel as well. _Aran_ did agree already, if you should wish to talk to them." Rai blinked. Talking? What about? What was she supposed to say?

"Where are they?"

"In the Halls of Healing," he answered. "They are awaiting your arrival."

Rai gave a nod. The entrance was at the gigantic hall's other side; getting there alone would take at least fifteen minutes, if… well, yeah. "Care to give me a ride?"

 _I don't even know where to_ , Leo grumbled, yawning heartily, before turning towards her.

"Right over there… you want a ride, too?", she asked, but Narethin shook his head way too quickly. "I adore walking, _Brennil nín,_ " he rushed to answer and Rai shrugged, before once again taking her comfy place between Leo's spikes. With a jolt, he got up. Even though the Fellbeast had a wingspan of over two dozen meters, gliding through the hall was no problem at all. He went down not even a minute later.

 _I'll wait here, until the rain has stopped_ , he informed her, already looking for a place to have a nice, long nap. There had to be somewhere he wouldn't be bothered. Rai nodded and jumped down, to hug his nostrils one last time. Then, she sighed. What would they want from her this time?

A few minutes later, she opened the door to the room Eliandeth was treated in, and entered.

"You have come." She sounded surprised and Rai shrugged. "You wanted to talk to me, so here I am. Hello, Noharìel." She pulled the door close behind her, but didn't enter further. "Are you feeling better?"

"It was you, was it?" Eliandeth still lay in bed, her wounds would take a long while to heal. And even though Noharìel looked slightly better, he also was wrapped in bandages. If he was allowed to leave the halls, she didn't know.

"What was me?", she asked and frowned. She didn't have the nerves to listen to any kind of accusation right now. In that case, she'd rather go and spend some time with Leo.

"You protected us, did you not? You kept Mandos' light at bay."

Rai sighed. So that was what they were up to… however, if she was honest to herself, that wasn't something she was too keen of talking about. "Yes," she simply confirmed.

"We wish to thank you. Whenever you shall be in need of a warm meal or a bed… please, do not refrain from asking. We might be naught but soldiers, there is nothing we may offer, to make up for your mercy… and much less to even begin to compensate the unjustified opinion of you, we have once shared with so many others."


	23. Chapter 22 - Curiosity

I'm SO sorry!

It has been... I don't know *looks it up*... six weeks since I last updated.

However, I wote my final papers pretty much all over Novemer and basically did nothing else.

Thank you so SO much for all your loving feedback, it means the world to me :)

 **xxx**

 **Curiosity is born out of jealousy.**

\- Jean-Baptiste Poquelin

xxx

"When do you wish to depart?"

He could feel rather than see her shrugging, as she snuggled closer into the arms cradling her. "We'll need four, maybe five days to Ithilien. As soon as Leo's ready, we'll leave." Her head nestled into the crock of his shoulder, as his arms pulled her naked body closer towards his own. "I think I never was grateful enough… for all they've done for me," she sighed. "I never announced my visits and rarely stayed more than four nights… but whenever I was there, Jhoana made sure to put nothing but the very best food on the table, freshly washed sheets on the bed reserved for me and she always had some loving words when I decided to leave again." Another sigh. "I want to stay longer. Two weeks, maybe even a little more. I finally want to give them the feeling, I… I just… want them to know how much I love them and everything they keep doing for me." Her voice faded, as her eyes fell closed and he heard Thranduil's soft humming in her neck. "Sleep now, _tinnu nín_."

She wished to ask what they meant, these words he used so frequently - _tinnu nín_ \- however; aside from some non-understandable mumbling, she didn't achieve anything. She might have felt him chuckle behind her, but that could just as well be the beginning of a dream.

Mere minutes later -at least it felt like that- Rai blinked tiredly. Behind her, she could feel the Elvenking's warm body and carefully turned around in his embrace. She met a pair of crystal-blue eyes, their pupils the slightest bit blown, and she felt her mouth twitch a little. It was a rare sight for her; Thranduil sleeping. To be honest, it had happened exactly once before and took a few minutes to realise that he -despite his opened eyes- was very much asleep. Right now, his eyes were open as well, their gaze unfocused. Tenderly, she caressed his face's left side, where something she couldn't put her finger on, was lingering right beneath the surface. Someday she'd find out… Softly, her finger followed the strong line of his cheekbone, however; the skin didn't feel any different.

"You seek to achieve what, exactly?" The softly spoken question broke her thoughts and Rai smiled quietly. "Good morning."

"Indeed it is," Thranduil confirmed, only to pull her closer once again. Contently, her eyes fell shut for a few more minutes, before a single knock fully woke her. " _Adar?_ "

"A moment, Legolas," he answered and while Rai grabbed her tunic, he wrapped himself in one of his long robes, before his son finally entered.

"Morning, Legolas," Rai greeted and the prince wished the very same, before continuing. "The _Fell_ has yet to leave the halls… it is making people nervous." She made a face. "He," Rai growled. Would people stop referring to Leo as It? He was no piece of furniture! "And if nobody opened the gates, I'm pretty sure he can't get out," she grumbled and suppressed a yawn. "Besides, it rained all night," she then stated. It would be a cold day in hell, before Leo would willingly go outside in that case. However; now the sun was shining once more, bright light flooding the chambers, since the clouds had vanished. She took her boots -somehow, Narethin even managed to have repaired their soles, too- and pulled them on. Attempting to smooth it a little, she combed her fingers through her no longer tangled hair. She had no idea what Thranduil had done to it, but ever since he had tended to it, the strands were much softer and rarely tangled anymore. Unfortunately, it still wasn't very cooperative, if it was about leaving her face in peace.

"The guards have been ordered; the floor is empty. Nobody will cross your path until you reach the West-Chambers." Rai gave a nod. As soon as Narethin had known she was going to leave, he had stuffed her bag with food and stored it in the wardrobe. Also, he had swapped her old, greasy piece of soap with a new one that smelled just wonderful, and packed her the softest towel he could find.

Legolas and Thranduil shared a short conversation in their own tongue, that she -apart from a few single words- couldn't understand. Rai sighed. When she had left these Halls the last time, she had been uncertain, when -or if at all- she would return… she had shared a night with Thranduil, a wonderful one she was certain she would neither forget, nor repeat. And now? They had no relationship, maybe not even a liaison. But whatever it was, one shared night had led to so much more and somehow, the both of them had stumbled into something neither of them wanted. She knew she could return, whenever she was in need of comfort, knew she would be gifted love and affection – even if it was just physical consolation. But what about him? What if he was lonely? If the silence in his chambers nagged on him, the isolation in his bed? He couldn't just leave to get to her, if he felt like it. He was bound to his realm. She wondered if sometimes, he felt regret. Maybe…

"You are pondering." Thranduil's words tossed her back into reality. Legolas had already left, she didn't even realise when he was gone. "What is it?"

Rai sighed. "Just about… well… nothing."

"Even blind and deaf, your words could not hope to persuade me." He reached for her face, to pull her lips to his, and she gasped in surprise, only to melt into him mere seconds later. For a few precious moments, he held the kiss, before the tip of his tongue brushed her lower lip and he took a step back. " _Lend vaer, tinnu nín_."

She blinked. "Uhm… Thanks?"

A deep, velvet laugh answered. "I wished you a pleasant journey. _Novaer_. Be good."

"That hint's a little late," she answered dryly and, yet again, was answered with a chuckle. "Now leave and get the _Fell_ out of my Halls. My people are worried."

"Very well, your Majesty. Whatever you wish, your Majesty. It shall be done, your Majesty." He shook his head, as she mockingly -and quite clumsily- offered a bow. "Be gone."

Laughing, she left the chamber.

xxx

 _I think I'm getting used to it._

"Used to what?", she asked and yawned, before closing the cloak Thranduil that gifted her yesterday evening. The fabric was soft and light and still radiated a wonderful warmth that shielded her skin from the winter's cold air. Contentedly, she snuggled into it even deeper as she climbed between Leo's heavy spikes.

 _The smell_ , he answered and Rai blinked. They had left the Halls three days ago; had reached the Brown Lands and would -hopefully- get to Ithilien in the evening. The sun wasn't even fully up yet.

"I'll take a bath as soon as I can," she promised, as soon as Leo had taken wing again. _Nah_. Leo wheezed. _You'll just get ill. I rarely even smell it anymore._ He opened his jaws, to yawn himself, and grumbled, when the cold air filled his throat.

"If we hurry up, we'll make it to Ithilien this evening."

They didn't make it to Ithilien that evening. Of course, they didn't. However, it was less Leo's fault, than that of around a dozen orcs, who were marching to the east. Even though Rai had searched them, she didn't find a clue where exactly the bastards were heading to. Maybe they had just been wandering around. Anyway, there was no way they could just go on, at least not with Leo having stuffed himself yet again with orc-carcasses and deciding to roll together for a little nap afterwards, that had taken around three hours instead of twenty minutes.

Thus, it was morning when Leo landed inside the yard and Rai grabbed her bag, before getting down. Before her feet even touched the ground, the door was opened and Jhoana stepped outside. "Rai! How wonderful!"

The whitehaired laughed. "Jhoana. Good morning!"

"Get inside! We just broke our feast, however; bread and butter are still on the table… Hafdir! The cheese! Go, get the cheese!"

"Leave the cheese wherever it is!", Rai called inside and heard Hafdir's loud laugh. She wasn't even hungry; way too generous had the supplies been which Narethin had packed for her. She shrugged off her boots and her smile brightened, when she noticed Radir and Nihal sitting beside Mirak on the table. "Good morning," she wished and the family's youngest son stood up to hand her a clean plate. "Take a seat," he offered. "How about some warm milk and honey?" Gratefully, Rai accepted. There was nothing better to fight off the cold that still clung to her bones.

"We'll clean the barn right away," Radir declared. Noticing Nihal's surprised expression, he explained how it gotten a habit, even though it didn't work out last time since the barn was needed otherwise: Leo slept inside, somewhat to avoid the rain which might arrive in the night, but primarily the cold that crept above the fields during the winter.

"How long are you going to stay?" Mirak asked and she looked up from her plate. "A couple of days, maybe…" He nodded, a little disappointed. However; it was the usual. She never stayed longer. But… "Or longer. If you… if you want me to."

A surprised silence followed her words and she nearly would've taken her words back. Maybe she wasn't welcome for such a long time, if she arrived right before the arrival of the winter… Maybe- "As long as you wish to." Jhoana smiled brightly. "You are always welcome."

Rai smiled carefully. "In that case… I hope you can need some help."

xxx

It worked out for exactly three days.

In the evening -Jhoana and Nihal had just shown Rai how to make candles- the door was knocked three times. Hafdir frowned. Guests were rare at any time, and even less expected at this late hour. Maybe a traveller had gotten lost? In that case, they couldn't refuse him, for the night was too cold. They would find a place for their unexpected guest to sleep, if bread and a little butter were enough for his evening meal.

He opened the door and involuntary took a step back, as he saw the tall figure clad in a long black cloak. The hood was pulled down all the way, one couldn't see more than the lower part of the stranger's face. "May I enter?"

"What was it, that lead your way this far afield?" Hafdir asked and the hooded figure seemed to smile a little. "I desired to see the yarn," he explained, a moment before Jhoana's voice rung towards them: "Who is it?"

Her husband turned around to answer, however; in that moment the figure had already entered. The building's insides clearly showed more influence of human architecture than its outside… The yard's Lord followed him, as he entered the living room.

Rai looked up. "Who- Argh!"

The figure beneath the cloak chuckled. "Such a surprise?"

"What are _you_ doing here?"

"Why should I not be here?"

"There're at least a dozen reasons for that!" she shot back and crossed her arms.

"You know each other?" Mirak asked in surprise and Rai sighed. "Thran-" "-oron," he interrupted. "My name is Thranoron." Rai threw him a pissed glance, one which quite clearly stated how she thought about the present situation.

"You want me to take your cloak?", Jhoana offered and got up. "We were having dinner half an hour ago, but there might be enough leftovers for yet another meal."

"That is very generous of you," he stated, yet without taking the offer. Instead, he opened his cloak and shrugged off his hood. He was wearing the most simple of clothes Rai had ever seen him in: Knee-high soft boots, a pair of leather pants and a long dark-green tunic. No crown of berries and leaves, no tiara on the silvery blond hair, whose first strands were braided into a pair of complex braids, while the rest of it flowed on his shoulders. Pointy, elegant ears peeked from beneath it.

"An elf." The words were spoken before Jhoana could stop herself and as soon as they were, she clasped her hands in front of her mouth. "It is soothing to know our kin still is recognised." After all, any kind of interaction between eldar and mortals had been rare ever since the Last Alliance, getting less each and every year.

"Mae govannen." It was Nihal, who spoke. Jumping from her chair, she put her right hand above her chest, before carefully gesturing the traditional elvish greeting. Thranduil watched her in surprise. Few were the kin of man that still made any effort in learning the habits of his people.

" _Glass enni [It is my pleasure]_ ," he answered and lowered his head the tiniest bit to greet her. " _Man i eneth gîn [What is your name]_?"

Nihal's cheeks got warm. "I can't talk that well," she confessed and averted her eyes in embarrassment. "Just a little. I wished to lean more, but…" But teachers were few, and fewer even was time. She had never dared to dream of meeting a real elf. He was… he was even more beautiful than all the stories she heard combined. Even his simple clothes seemed regal and he seemed to radiate royalty and a grace that didn't seem to belong to this world.

Thranduil gave a nod. "If you wish, I might teach you," he offered. "However, it is too late by now. We shall start in the morning."

"So…" Rai sat up. "What are you doing here?"

"I am standing," he mildly informed her and she sighed. Did he really have to take everything literally? "You know what I mean. Why are you here?" she corrected.

"Curiosity." It was an answer so simple, Rai had to blink. "Curiosity?"

"The Last Alliance's tribute was much heavier than blood and death. Our kin and yours did veer away from each other, becoming strangers. It is good to know there are still men -and women- who remember the kinship which once bound our fates together."

For a few moments, everyone kept silent, before Hafdir spoke up. "I inherited this yard from my father… and he from his. And my grandfather from his father… but not even he could remember how many generations had passed since it had been built with the help of an elf." Determined, the man looked up. "But we won't let it decay. There are few who still hold out in Ithilien, but we do. We will not leave."

The elf nodded, deep in thoughts. The mansion was built centuries ago; he recognised some of the architecture, even though it was watered-down by all the mending of men's hands. The Noldor always had had an affection for white stone after all.

xxx

"So…" Rai crossed her arms. "Why are you here?" They were alone. There was no additional bedroom since Radir and Nihal were present as well, thus they now stood in hers - a very simple one, he noticed, no more than a bed, a small wardrobe, and a chest. Unwillingly, she had offered it, with Mirak's shocked glance following her. He lifted an eyebrow. "Did I not answer your question already?"

Rai huffed. "Curiosity? Don't you rather mean spying?"

"You believe, I have come to spy on you," he stated. "However, if I was, there was no need to leave the palace, nor the borders. A simple order to my guards would have been enough. It was curiosity, that forced me to cross the Brown Lands. No more… and no less."

"Why the costume?", she asked, yet he simply send her a glare that clearly deemed her question a stupid one. "They are farmers. Do you believe a king's presence would put their minds at ease tonight?"

She rubbed her eyes. "Couldn't you have warned me or something?"

"I could have," he agreed and she sighed. "And you just didn't feel like it?" "I will return to _Eryn Lasgalen_ in the morning. It would have been of no use," he stated, when she suddenly flinched. "You didn't come alone, did you?" She asked and he chuckled. "Maybe."

"Thranduil!"

"Thranoron," he corrected and she rolled her eyes, before continuing. "That's far too dangerous! Imagine, something could've happened! What then?"

He gifted her a beaming smile. "How very foolish of me. Who would be willing to warm your bed at night?"

"Thranduil!"

"Thranoron," he corrected yet again and she tossed a pillow at his head, only to have it colliding back on her chest a mere moment later. "Oof!"

"The night is still young." His eyes strode outside the window, looking at the stars. "Full of possibilities. One might dance in the moonlight… sing to the stars…" "Or we could have sex, like normal people do," she offered and the corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile. "Being demanding already, _tinnu nín_?"

"What does it even mean?", she asked. "Ti-" She stopped, before getting any further and risk another unhealthy attack of coughing.

"Well…" He chuckled. "I might explain. Or we might have sex… like normal people do."


	24. Chapter 23 - One elf, two elf, three elf

I'm so sorry.

I needed an eternity for this chapter... to be honest, I'm having a huge writer's block and didn't write any new chapters in three months. I hope I'll be over it soon, I really do.

Since Tammy suffers from pregancy and narcolepsie (I hope you'll be better soon, dear), this chapter is unbeta'd. I hope you'll enjoy it nevertheless (:

xxx

 **Always expect the unexpected.**

\- Unknown, adage

xxx

"… uduleg."

Thranduil shook his head. „ _Man sad uduleg_ ," he repeated. "Repeat again. The accent-bearing letter is at the very end."

„ _Man sad uduleg_ ," she tried again, and he gave a nod. "Very well."

Radir shook his head. „As soon as she meets an elf, I'm no longer worth a single coin. I always knew I'd die alone one day."

Rai grinned. „How about you try, too?"

„So I'll bite off my own tongue? No, thanks."

Since more than an hour, Thranduil -Thranoron- was patiently trying to explain Nihal his mother tongue's characteristics. Radir's wife had scrabbled together all her courage this morning and asked him, when they had broken their feast. Now, the both of them sat on the kitchen table, a few carefully written pages in front of them, while Nihal tried to implement whatever was explained to her.

„Rai!" Nihal looked to the whitehaired. „Don't you want to try, too?"

The answer was a chuckle, a little strained. "If I could."

„It's not that hard." Before she was able to protest, she had been pulled in a chair.

„Nihal…" „ _Man sad uduleg_. Where are you from. It is not too hard, once one has a good teacher!" The blonde nearly bubbled over with excitement and Ra sighed. "I can't."

„But…"

„ _Baw_." Thranduil's word was a king's order, leaving no room for objection. "It is enough, Nihal."

Taken by surprise by his harshly spoken words, the blonde flinched and Rai sighed. "Man sad udul-" The coughing came in a sudden wave, cramps washing over her, tearing her lungs, tightening her throat. She gasped for air, fingers clenching on her tunic, only to be shaken again by helpless fits of coughing, forcing tears in her eyes. Three pairs of shocked eyes met her -including Jhoana's, who had entered the kitchen, alarmed by the heavy coughing. Rai groaned, cleared her throat, supressing the urge to cough yet again. "I can't," she then repeated.

Radir frowned. This made no sense. Why should learning the elves' language be possible for his wife, but not Rai? "I'm broken, Radir." The statement was bitter and yet she gave a crocked grin to the older son. "Why do you think I get along that well with Leo?"

„Nonsense!" She raised her eyes, directly meeting Mirak's angry face. „Just because her tongue refuses to knot itself, trying to learn that speech of yours, does not gain you any right to-" "Enough." Thranduil got up from his chair. "Only because you do not wish to hear it, the truth will not change itself." His features darkened and Rai made a sour face.

„Is this the reason for…" Radir cleared his throat. „Rai lost one of her fingers; the one she always carried her ring on. She told us, the Elfking had taken it… might this be the true reason?"

„The power of the rings brings nothing but decay and death. Whoever carries one of them, shall be doomed." Thanduil's voice was final and Nihal was the first, who caught up.

"Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,

Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,

Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,

One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne

In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie."

„That's nothing but a verse to frighten children," Mirak growled. "Everyone knows, these rings long ceased to exist!" _"Baw!"_ Thranduil's voice thundered between the walls. "Do not _dare_ to speak! Not even your ancestors have been born, when I had to lay my father's body to rest in the war-town earth of the Last Alliance's battle! Do not _dare_ to talk about the sacrifices that have been made to overcome darkness. Keep your tongue at bay, for you are just a _child_!"

„Besides, by now it's only eight rings," Rai grumbled and watched the empty space on her hand, that was supposed to be filled by a finger. "But eight doesn't go that well with die, I guess."

„That was what the ring was about," Jhoana murmured. "We always asked ourselves what its secret might be… but you never seemed to wish to talk about it."

„Because I don't even know myself," she answered. "Only what Leo told me… but it doesn't change anything. I have no memories… but I think, something was ripped apart that day… something important." She frowned, her head hanging low. "But I don't know what. Just, that a part of me is different… than the other. And I'm somewhere in between." She looked up. „I had the ring ever since. Just couldn't get it off…. Well, at least until some dude looked me up in his dungeons." She threw Thranduil a sour glance. „Wasn't nice at all. Just saying."

Thranduil didn't attempt to defend himself, as it would be quite impossible without revealing his identity. He still couldn't regret his actions though. He had done Rai injustice; treated her with a roughness that was not justified towards her. However; he had a realm to protect; ellith and ellyn whose life he couldn't put at stake for the mere possibility there might be honourable intentions hidden beneath a shabby, respectless façade and a battered _fae_.

„Lord Elrond!" Rai flinched. In the heavy silence, Nihal's voice seemed much too loud and the blonde made a face. „I'm sorry… but rumours say, Lord Elrond in Rivendell may heal each and every sickness. Maybe… maybe he might be able to help?"

Rai laughed quietly. „I'm not too keen of being locked in some dungeons again, as soon as an elf sees me."

„The Lord of Imladis and the king of Eryn Lasgalen are anything but close."

„Maybe the king of Eryn Lasgalen isn't quite innocent on that," Rai noted dryly and Thranduil lifted an eyebrow. "Maybe his actions are justified."

„Maybe he should consider working on his attitude," came the cocky answer and Rai grinned. "You know, sometimes it's questionable."

„That coming from your mouth," he answered and Rai gave a crocked grin. However; before she could shoot back at him, Jhoana interfered. "Do not talk like that, I don't wish to raise the Elvenking's wrath upon us."

Rai chuckled. „I'm sure he won't care."

However; before the ellon was able to answer, Leo spoke up. _There's an elf coming over here… looks like he's going to break his horse's neck any moment._

Rai blinked. „Who is it?"

 _How am I supposed to know?_ He huffed. _It's three_ , he then corrected.

She turned to Thranduil. „Three of your riders are here. They're just arriving."

Thranduil frowned. Aside from Legolas and Narethin, nobody had been informed about his destination… For what purpose did they seek him out? Leo's shrill scream rang towards him, as he got up and walked through the main door. The Fellbeast had straightened itself, but then he recognised one of the elves. _It's the servant._

„Narethin?", she repeated in surprise, the moment the three horses came to stop in front of their king; soaked in sweat.

 _„_ _Aran nín!"_

She could hear Hafdir coming outside behind her, as well as the rest of the family, who decided to stand back; uncertain.

„For-Forgive me." One of the elves -if took her a few seconds to recognise him as Narethin beneath the long cloak- got down, followed by his comrades.

„Explain yourself," Thranduil ordered disapprovingly. "Legolas and yourself have been the only people I have inducted into my journey's destination, since I wished for discretion. And now you are seeking me out, my personal guards in company." It was a statement, not a question and the servant nodded, before bowing as deep as possible. "I beg thy pardon, my king. However; your son deemed it the best, to seek you out immediately. As Legolas does not wish the leave the realm during your absence, he decided to send me. However, I am a mere valet, no soldier. Thus, your private guards accompanied me; the prince claimed they have eared your ultimate trust."

Rai sighed quietly. The whole conversation took place in Sindarin and thus, she only understood bits and pieces. Narethin pulled out a single white letter from underneath his cloak and offered it to Thranduil; deeply bowing yet again in the process. The king took the sealed envelope and looked at the seal. Rai frowned. "What's it?"

He didn't answer; instead he broke the seal and opened the letter, whose content didn't seem to delight him. Afterwards, he carefully folded to glowing white paper back together. "Celeborn and Galadriel wish to meet you."

„Galadriel?" She blinked. „Who's Galadriel?"

 _The ruler of Lothlórien, the forest between the Misty Mountains and Mirkwood._ Leo's pupils tightened, making the nictitating membrane become visible. _Gormlaith detested her and her realm… but that's about all I know._

„Gormlaith?" She looked up in surprise. „He knew her?"

 _He feared her._

„In that case, I already like her," the whitehaired commented dryly, making Leo's clicking laugh sound. Thranduil frowned, as the Black Speech echoed in his ears, being only able to hear one half of their conversation.

„What does it say?", Rai finally asked and stretched her palm towards the letter; however, Thranduil declined. "You are not fluent in Sindarin, much less Quenya, which the letter is written in. You will not understand a single word."

„Can't you at least translate it?", she asked.

 _„_ _King of Eryn Lasgalen and his inhabitants, Thranduil Orophernion. My cousin from days long forgotten, when the realm of Doriath in its glory did outshine everything else on these mortal shores."_ He stopped for a moment. "The next lines are hardly to translate, however; they happen to be quite irrelevant." It was obvious, he left something out, before going on. _"The last of our meetings happened to be based on very unpleasant circumstances, as both, my beloved Lady and I, regret deeply. Might this one be of a welcome nature, as we would be joyous to greet the child of twilight in the Golden Woods."_ Again, he left something out that he wasn't able to translate -or didn't want to. _"If thou, my dearest cousin, wish to spend thy time in these Golden Woods as well, be aware thou and thy people are welcome at any time thy hearts wish to rest. May the Valars' light brighten thy path and thy steps never leave its shine. In deep regards: Celeborn, Lord of Lothlórien and the Galadhrim. In days of yore: Teleporno, prince of Doriath, realm of the Days of Old."_

„You are related to him?" Thranduil sighed inwardly. Of course… of course that was what she chose to focus on. "Celeborn -or rather, Teleporno at the time- was a prince of Doriath, son in second generation of Elmo, Thingol's brother. My father, Oropher -thus, Legolas and I as well- are related through the blood of Doriath's royalty, even though not very close anymore. He may call me cousin, yet our relation is way less. However, there are very few of us left… of those, who once lived in the beauty that was Doriath… on these shores. Thus, we keep close, holding on what unites us, however small our bond might be."

Rai gave a nod. He didn't have a father anymore, nor a mother, no wife and no siblings… the only one Thranduil had, was Legolas. And if it was the same went for Celeborn -or Teleporno or whatever his name was- she understood why he kept their kinship -as little as it might be- close. She looked up, hesitating. "Should I go?", she asked, however; Thranduil shook his head. "I cannot decide this for you," he answered. "Yet it you decide to follow their invitation, I shall accompany you."

She looked at the Elvenking; crestfallen. There was little sense in returning to the Woodland Realm, before they went to Lothlórien. The way would be way longer than taking the route from Ithilien directly... however, if they did, the time she would have here would be way too short again. She bit her lower lip. "The _Fell_ is faster than our horses could ever be," Thranduil noted. "If you left tomorrow at noon, you shall still close in on us within a single day."

„You would…" Her eyes, large like saucers, watched him, but before she was able to ask, orders were given, too fast for her to understand. One of the elves took the three horses, leading them towards the well in front of the stables. Grateful, the mounts dipped their noses into the cool water. Rai frowned. "That was no Sindarin," she noted. She had heard the language a few times already. Its sound reminded her of Sindarin, since she could identify the elves' language by now, even though being unable to fully comprehend it. This one, however, sounded slightly different. A little blurry, even mumbled sometimes. „The Silvans' tongue," Thranduil explained. „Not nearly all of my people are capable of Sindarin." Rai sighed. Another language again… just great. How about at least agree on one per realm?

Stunned, Hafdir watched the elf treating to the horses. Jhoana looked simply overstained and since a certain giant elk trotted towards them, Rai was unable to watch the rest of her family. She waved a little. "Hey, Arotawar." The mount snuffled towards her, before walking towards his master; patiently waiting by his side. Rai blinked. "I get the feeling you've grown yet again." Carefully, she petted the thick -way thicker than any horse's- neck and Arotawar lowered his head, to nip on her messy hair. Laughing, she reached around his neck, as far as she got. _"Brennil nín!"_ Upon Narethin's gasp, she looked up and petted the warm, soft nose above her. "Hm?" "N-Nothing. Forgive me." Rai laughed yet again as the elk nipped on her hair, his great antlers enthroning inches above her head. "I guess he's afraid you'll dump Thranduil and elope with me." She snickered. "You'll find kings everywhere, but there's only one of me. Just screw him," she advised and the mount grumbled a little, before turning towards his master. Rai pouted half-heartly and Thranduil shook his head once more. Mortals were strange creatures, however; his one seemed to be one of a kind.

„Your decision?", he finally asked and she looked up. "I want to go… to Lothlórien, I mean."

Thranduil gave a nod. „Galion." The ellon who had just returned with the horses raised his gaze towards his king and once again she didn't understand the orders he was given in the Silvans' tongue. The elf -Galion was his name, she guessed- crossed an arm in front of his chest and bowed, before the other one of the guards took two of the horses. Galion swung himself on the remaining one, turned his horse around and chased off to the North, without even offering a single word.

„Follow the Anduin's floods to the west and you shall not miss us." She didn't know whether it was an advice or an order. Anyway, she nodded, before Thranduil turned around, facing Nihal, who watched him cautiously. "You are docile and rather bright. Such qualities happen to be misjudged quickly among your people… hold onto them, child, and you might achieve great deeds," he advised and the blonde opened her mouth to answer; however, didn't manage to get out a single word. The king chuckled the slightest bit, before turning to Hafdir and Jhoana, who seemed to morally support each other as they stood together, holding hands. "Your kindness is great; a rare feat these days. Unlike mortals, our kin does not tend to forget quickly… and if the days shall grow darker in Middle-earth, and you shall be unable to persevere any longer… travel to the North, until you reach the borders of the Woodland realm. Cross them and if you are asked, you shall answer the title _Elvellon_. Whether it shall be you, or your children, or your childs' children… the day will come, when this place shall not offer shelter any longer."

He was already turning around, on his way to leave, when his eyes met Mirak, who stood next to his mother, his face frozen. "Treasure we are unable to achieve seem to be those we yearn for the very most. However, at times, they happen to be unreachable for good."

Without waiting for an answer, he elegantly swung himself upon Arotawar's empty back (since he has had taken off of saddle and bridle around half a mile before he reached the yard yesterday, he would have to fetch again, before continuing towards Lothlórien). Then, Narethin and the second of the two guards got on their horses and within a few moments, the three elves had disappeared.

Rai sighed and scratched her neck. „That was… unexpected." Leo snuffed. _He has a sense for dramatic appearances, your Elfking._ "Yeah," she sighed. "He does."


	25. Chapter 24 - Family

Again unbeta'd, since lovely Tammy just became mommy for the second time.

Send her all the best wishes ^^

Warning: Sensitive chapter ahead.

xxx

 **Midnight strikes in the darkest night of her life, she cries**

 **All her dreams are dyin'**

 **Midnight strikes in the darkest night she's in tears**

 **She hears a million angels screamin' in pain**

\- Midnight Strikes, LaFee

xxx

„You… you knew?"

Rai shrugged. „How happy do you think I was, when he appeared here yesterday out of nothing but thin air?", she asked dryly and Leo gave a clicking laugh. "I would've just thrown him out again." Even louder, the Fellbeast laughed and she threw him a dry glance. "Quiet, you. You haven't been any help at all." Leo's laugh seemed almost hysterical by now and finally, he wheezed for air. _As if it's my fault, you mate him whenever it's possible._

„That's totally off topic and you know it!"

 _Talk at yourself even further and you won't even leave his bedroom any more._

„Why do I even like you?" She tossed her hands up, before turning back to her family, whose emotions ranged from discomposure in Radir's case, to Johoana's overwhelmed face, all the way to disbelief in Mirak's features. Nihal's face showed sheer horror. "I dared to ask him to teach me, like a… a…" Apparently, she couldn't think of anything and Rai rolled her eyes. "Serves him right, simply showing up at the front-door", she declared. Then, she shivered. "Let's go inside. It's way too cold out here."

„You should have told us!" Deeply troubled, Jhoana looked at her, before sitting down on the heavy chair next to the fireplace. "I would have…" "You would've what?" Rai shook her head. „He planned to spend the night here, and would've left immediately this morning." She shrugged. "Was he supposed to get here, guarded and armed, to say Hello? That's a little dramatic, even for him."

„Mutilating you is not?", Mirak demanded. "On your last visit, you wish nothing but ill upon him!" Rai sighed. "Sometimes, I still do," she grumbled. „However, a lot of stuff happened since the last time, and…" She didn't finish her sentence and shook her head once more. "Let's just say, our first meeting was rather unlucky. The second one… well, that too, if I'm honest." She groaned, hiding her face in her hands. "And we're just endling up in bed ever since," she mumbled. "For the record, all of this is his fault! I merely asked him, if he knew, who might have built this farmyard. And two weeks later, he just… appears here!"

After a few moments, she looked up again and Radir was the one who pulled himself together first -or maybe he had simply been the only one to understand the mumbled, muffled words. "You share the bed with him?" Rai blinked. How did he -Oh. Oh shit. She didn't… Okay, what was she supposed to do now? Decline? Lie? „Yes," she sighed and forced herself to lift her head. Jhoana's mouth fell open; in silent support, Hafdir's hand lowered on her shoulder. Unhappily, Rai looked up. "I was just so… devastated, and he was… I'm not sure. And I guess, he wasn't either."

„I do not wish to infantilise you…" Hafdir's words were careful. „He is a king, whereas we are merely a family of simple famers… however; I have heard he has a son. I do not know elven-habits, but his wife…" Rai gave a crocked grin. "I thought exactly the same… and then I told him that he's an asshole." She chuckled, before getting serious again. "He doesn't have a wife," she stated. "He's alone…" Her eyes wandered to the window. "He doesn't have anybody besides his son… he's responsible for his people; he can't just do whatever he feels like. And I don't have anybody besides you and Leo… Whoever meets me, goes out of the way. Thranduil and I, we… realised, there's a lot we happen to have in common. We're lonely, just different kinds of. We can't just bind ourselves to someone. He needs to think about his realm and I just cannot… We don't have anybody to comfort us in cold and dark days, no one to keep us close at night. And…" She sighed. "And we just decided to be lonely together, he and I." She just couldn't explain it any better; didn't even fully know herself what it was, that was happening between herself and the Elvenking. An affair? Some kind of friendship with certain benefits? Simply sex? Or… „I just don't know," she closed, frustrated. And Thranduil? He probably didn't know, either.

„Is it the gold?" Mirak sounded frustrated. "Or power? What is it, Rai? What?"

Rai's head shot up. Gold? She wasn't even remotely interested in that puny metal, unless she needed to get enough together, to buy a new pair of boots. However; before she was able to answer, Hafdir intervened. "That is enough," he declared and threw his son a warning glance. "There is no reason to add even more fuel to the fire."

„I don't give a shit about his money," she stated, before sighing. That wasn't supposed to happen. None of it. And finally, Jhoana broke the silence. "The carpets will not clean themselves." As obvious her attempt to change topics was, as happily Rai obliged. "I'll help you."

xxx

„Good God." Groaning, she collapsed into bed. Her arms felt as if they'd fall of any moment and she didn't even manage to lift the book she actually wanted to read for a few more minutes. If it was that hard to clean a few stupid carpets, she didn't even want to know how Thranduil managed to clean the large, ridiculously soft ones in his chambers.

Carefully, she grabbed the blanket and snuggled herself inside. It had gotten cold. Maybe she should ask Jhoana for a blanket, when she left tomorrow. But Jhoana didn't have many herself and the winter promised to be a harsh one. She would bear a little cold, their travel wouldn't be that long. Besides…

She woke up, feeling someone watching her. Jerking upwards, she sat up. It was in the middle of the night, what was – "Mirak?" She blinked. "What… Did something happen?" A few years ago, the main stable's roof had collapsed under the masses of snow; they had worked all night to save as many animals inside as possible, even though two pigs and a cow needed to be slaughtered. Hopefully, this time it wasn't- "I have been waiting all those years." His voice was low, she nearly didn't understand the words. "I have waited and waited for… but instead you decided to whore yourself out!"

„How the hell are you even talking to me?", she snapped, before the meaning of his words got to her. "You did… what?"

„Every single time you were with us, I wished beyond hope for you to stay. And every single time, you left. I have waited and waited… And finally accepted you chose to be without husband." He balled his fists, stepping forward, fury clouding his face. "But then that elf shows up, and you…" The young man bared his teeth. "His solitude is worth more than mine? Him you choose to comfort, whereas my craving is worthless?"

Rai swallowed and got up a little further. "I didn't know, you did…" She shook her head. "You're like a brother to me, you always were. I couldn't know… You never said a word."

„Because I have waited! Waited for you to realise, I…" He stepped closer. „If it is not the gold… not the power… why are you comforting him, whereas scorning me?"

„Because I had no idea you felt like that," she defended herself, skittering a little further away from him.

„Now you know."

„I… Let's talk about it in the morning, alright?", she asked; however, it seemed to be the wrong answer, since Mirak got closer. "Is it the looks?", he asked coldly. "The certainty of having an immortal lover, who will never age and grow old?" She swallowed yet again and looked -the very first time within this place- for an escape. The window's heavy curtains were closed and right in front of her, Mirak blocked the door. "If you decided to sell yourself to him, even though he mutilated and imprisoned you, feels nothing for you…" His voice had gotten rough and carried something inside, that forced her to feel something she rarely ever did: Fear. "Then I have even more right to claim you."

„No! Mirak, please, I-" Before she was even able to finish the sentence, her head flew aside and the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth. She wasn't able to react, as a stronger, much heavier body pressed her own into the sheets. She opened her mouth, yet before being able to scream, a pillow was stuffed inside, forcing her to gag heavily. As she tried to pull the fabric, two large hands grabbed her own. She screamed; panicked, however; the only thing she accomplished was yet another forceful gagging reflex. She tried to free her hands but his were way stronger, calloused and rough by long years of daily work on the fields and stables.

Mirak's full weight forced her down, pressing on her chest and for a few moments she fought the black spots dancing on the edges of her vision. Using all her strength, she tossed herself aside, only to be forced down again mere seconds later. For a moment, his hands left hers and she fought him off, until his knee slammed down on her chest, forcing the remaining air out of her lungs. Something got wrapped around her wrists and she screamed again; the sound muffled by the fabric inside her mouth. His hands left her and she teared on the bonds -was it a belt?- without being able to loosen the loop on the bedpost. She tried to gasp for air, yet little oxygen found its way through the gag.

Calloused hands slipped beneath the tunic she wore at night and she struggled, rolling her body aside, just to be tossed on her back once more. He lifted the fabric, his hands grabbing her waist.

No. No, no, no, no…

Mere moments later, a muffled scream left her mouth. It hurt… _Let it be over soon… Please, Lord, let it be over._

xxx

Slowly, so very slowly she heaved herself upwards, before being able to loosen the belt's hook with her left hand's middle-finger. Next to her, Mirak was laying, having fallen asleep after… no. Not now. If she thought about it now, she would be paralyzed; unable to go on. She mustn't, not now, even though her lower body burned like fire. It hurt so much… With a little clunk, the belt buckle fell down and she carefully undid the loop to free her hands. Her wrists were swollen and stiff. She spat out the pillow; her lips were cracked open and a little bloody from when she had bitten on her tongue.

Carefully, she slipped out of bed; the sharp pain forcing tears in her eyes. Mirak rolled aside, grunting something under his breath. Her clothes… she had to… the next grunt was louder than before. She grabbed one of that sheets that had slipped to the floor and hectically wrapped it around the ripped remains of her tunic. Then, she carefully opened the door before running down the stairs; falling on her knees and forcing herself to go on, slamming open the main door. Blood dripped down her leg, she seemed to have cut herself somewhere on the steps.

„Leo…Leo!" Her voice was hoarse, nearly breaking, as she stumbled outside. She coughed, slapping his nostrils to wake him. „Leo…. Wake up. Please!"

Lazily, one of his large yellow eyes opened; focussing on her a moment later. _What…?!_

„Leave," she croaked. „Please!"

 _What happened?_ The Fellbeast bared his teeth. He smelled blood and… sex. However, the strong smell of light she was always clad into after having mated with the Elfking was missing. He smelled… "Please," she begged silently, unable to force any sound from her trembling lips. He lowered his head and she sobbed in pain, as she tried to climb between the spikes on his back. Painfully, she managed to pull herself upwards.

Carefully, he got up, pushing himself into the sky. It was hard to take off into the cold air without a proper swing, yet he managed and turned around, as soon as he had reached proper high. On his back, Rai quietly sniffled through her tears.

xxx

Eldar might need less sleep than mortals, however; their horses still needed to rest every once in a while. Thus, they had decided to take camp on the Anduin's eastern shore. They would travel on by sunrise, as soon as the horses were rested enough. Lighting a fire would be too dangerous; they were few and the bright shine might attract unwanted attention. But the stars shone brightly and their light was reflected by the great river's floods.

From afar, the slow and steady beat of giant wings neared. Thranduil frowned, as he turned south. Above the river, a Fellbeast got closer, flying slowly yet steadily just above the water. It was obvious it searched for something -or rather, someone. What did this mean? Rai was not supposed to catch up to them until at least sundown. Was it even her? Only as the beast got closer, he was certain, yet before any of them could catch its attention, the _Fell_ had already spotted them.

Slowly, it turned about, to get down as closely as possible next to them.

„What happened?", Thranduil demanded, however; Leo simply bared his teeth. Besides the fact that he wasn't certain himself, the king would have to make a little more effort to be able to understand him.

„Thra… Thranduil?", Rai murmured and looked up, only to meet the eyes of three elves who had gotten up. "Thranduil!", she hiccupped, jumped down… only to scream in agony, as a sharp pain cut through her lower body. Before she went down, a pair of slender hands grabbed her shoulders. Wordlessly, she slung her arms around him, hiding her face in his chest. Carefully, he stroked her tangled hair. "What happened?", he repeated, quietly this time. It was obvious how Rai had left precipitously; she wasn't even clothed properly. Silently, he begged the Valar to be mistaken in his fears, to be overreacting, to be… anything, as he carefully sat down with her on one of the blankets. Feren light a fire, but even as its flames already licked into the air, she didn't calm. Again and again her body was shaken by helpless sobbing, and whenever she tried to answer, she was unable to find any words. Instead she clung to him, as if her very life depended on it.

Carefully, he clasped her face, to force her to look at him. He said something she didn't understand. It sounded like a mantra. Again… and a third time. Her pulse went down and she felt numbed. Unreal… like a dream. Or a nightmare.

„What has happened, _tinnu nín_?"

She blinked, watching him, her face blank. What happened? Where? Tonight? "Mirak raped me." The words were emotionless, as if it wasn't her they were about. Maybe someone else. Someone she didn't know and had never met. "Twice."


	26. Chapter 25 - Labyrinth

For all of those who noticed: Yesterday this story was already updated.  
However, there was a severe error on the system: No matter what I tried (correct chapter, update chapter, reupload chapter...) it always was unreadable in the online version, even though the document I submitted was fine.  
I hope it'll be alright now. Sorry for the mess :/

xxx

 **I bleed it out, go, stop the show**

 **Choppy words in a sloppy flow**

 **Shotgun, I pull, lock and load**

 **Cock it back and then watch it go**

\- Bleed it Out, Linkin Park

xxx

Arms wrapped tightly around her knees, she stared into the flames. They were supposed to be warm, she guessed, but the cold kept clinging to her insides. Her wrists were blue and swollen, moving her hands hurt. It hurt to walk, to make even a single step. It hurt to think. To remember. Everything hurt. Her head lowered even further and she closed her eyes. Why? Why, why, _why?_

During the last hour, she had retreated from Thranduil, now sitting at the fire by herself. The two other elves had drawn back as well, leaving her alone. She couldn't feel glad about it. Not after what had happened tonight. And who knew after all, whether Thranduil would ever be willing to touch her again, after…

She thought back to the winter-night four years ago, when all of them had bid the old year farewell, welcoming the new one with songs of merry and dance. Mirak had patiently been by her side, teaching her all the songs and refrains so she'd be able to sing alongside them. That's what you do in a family, he had said… and now? What now?

 _Does it hurt?_

A tearless sob. Yes. Yes, it hurt. So very much.

 _Betrayed… humiliated… by your own kin._

In the very worst, most cruel way.

 _Poor, poor child. Such bravery, such strength… negated. Nothing but pain and misery. Don't you wish for it to cease? To end it all?_

Yes. Yes, she wanted it to stop. She'd do anything to make it stop. Please, please make it stop.

 _After all, why should it end here? Who is there, to keep you safe? Do the elves not despise you as well? Did they not show you their loathing so very often?_

All these despising glances, the hate-filled words… for something she had no control over whatsoever. Why should she believe the elves, after all? What reason did she have to trust any of them? They would just betray her again, after all.

 _I shall help you… I shall make him suffer, as he made you suffer. I will help you._

Help… Yes, help. She needed help. How was she supposed to make it all alone? After all, she was alone… all alone… there was nobody but her; they all hated her, no one loved her.

 _Together, we shall have revenge… together, nobody will able to defeat us._

Invincible…

 _You shall enjoy your revenge. You shall_ \- Revenge? She blinked. Revenge wouldn't make it any better. It wouldn't undo what had happened and it wouldn't soothe her pain.

 _Hush… All shall be fine. All is well._

No. No, it wasn't. Nothing was well. She forced her eyes to crack open, but still saw nothing but darkness. Everything was black and her lids were far too heavy. "N- No…"

 _„Rai!"_

 _Come to me… I shall take your pain, soothe your suffering. Do you not wish to be well again?_

„No."

 _All is well…_

 _„No!"_ Screaming, she opened her eyes far too wide. „No, no, no!" Even though it was the middle of the night, it was too bright. Everything was too bright. It hurt, so very much. As if her body was torn apart from the inside.

 _„Tinnu nín!"_

Gasping, she looked up, however; she quickly had to advert her eyes. The figure in front of her was too bright, much too bright. Who… "Thranduil!" Oh, right… she was… "Thranduil!" She tried to get up, but her legs gave out, nearly having her fall back, if it hadn't been for his support.

„Hush…" Carefully, he pulled her closer. „It hurts," she confessed, forlorn. "It hurts so much."

„ _Ai, Elbereth…_ I know, I know…" So very gently, his fingers caressed her hair and only after the first tears had fallen, she threw her own arms around him, while heavy sobs shook her body. The place that had once contained her ring-finger burned like fire.

„He was my brother… I loved him like a brother!" Heavier and heavier her sobbing got, until the words were nearly untellable. "Why? _Why?!_ " Thranduil forced himself to swallow his words. No apology, no begging for forgiveness would do any good right now, no matter how much he longed for it. He never shouldn't have let her behind… should have held back his words to the boy, having provoked him with his thoughtless, jealous reprehension. He was at fault for letting it come to this, having known about the boy's feelings, badly hidden as they were.

When the first rays of sunlight brightened the horizon, her eyes finally fell shut. Her cheeks had gotten raw from her tears' salt and her eyes were red and glassy, when exhaustion finally claimed her. Silently, she snuggled on his chest and fell asleep.

xxx

 _Rai._

She flinched. Who…?

A sad sigh. _It's me._

Not helpful at all.

 _Did you really forget everything?_

That wasn't any news now, was it? No matter how much she wished otherwise, she couldn't remember. Maybe she could forget what happened last night, too...? The pain, the betrayal, the humiliation, the feeling of- _Oh, Rai._ Another heavy sigh. _Haven't you always been the stronger one?_ Strong? She wasn't strong. She hadn't been even able to fight off Mirak, couldn't- _When we were children, you promised to never leave me alone, don't you remember? And I promised to always be by your side… And now see what happened. You kept your promise. And I? I can't be with you._

Tears burned behind her closed lids. Who was there? Who was talking?

 _Do you really wanna give up? Just because some fucker took what he wanted without asking? If I were with you, I'd cut off his cock! But I'm not… and you don't know how much that hurts._ Another sob.

It wasn't anybody's fault but Sauron's, she was stuck in this situation. Sauron's and Mirak's and Thranduil's and… her own. If she only had known how Mirak felt about her. If she just- _Don't you dare!_ She flinched. _If you dare to blame yourself now, I'll kick your sorry ass right into next week!_

But…

 _No But! And if, I…_ Swallowing. _If anybody is at fault here, it's me. If it hadn't been for me, nothing of this would've happened. You'd never…_ Never what? What was it? And who has this even?

 _Don't change topics!_ Change topics? What was that supposed to mean now?! _What I was referring to is… Do you really want someone like that to ruin your life? After all you've accomplished so far? I'm so proud of you! Can you remember when the both of us… ah._ She felt Whomever exhaling as if in pain. _Sorry, that was dumb of me._

That was really nice and all but… _Don't be so impatient!_ Impatient? How was it her fault, nothing of this even made sense?

 _It makes totally sense!_ She felt a finger being pointed at her. But it did _not_ make sense. Not even the tiniest bit! _What I mean is, that shit happens to all of us. Sometimes, it's our fault. And sometimes, it's not. But if you give up now, it's all in vain. Everything you've accomplished, all the sacrifices you've made. Do you it to be that? In vain?_ She thought of Leo, who had carried her out of Mordor, even though they had barely known each other back then. Jhoana, who always made sure to put some cheese or bread into her bag, whenever she left. Thought of Thranduil, who… Thranduil? She blinked _. You're not thick, normally. But Hey, it's okay. You've always told me, there'd be no fitting man for you out there. It seems, you were right. You didn't need a man, you needed an elf._ A laugh. Then, the voice got serious again. _I know it's hard… but you're not alone. You'll do it! You can do everything!_ She sighed. Everything? Well, wasn't that a little exaggerated. _Don't be like that! You know I hate it. Keep your tails up, big girl! Promise?_ Promise. _Good… I have to leave now. Keep going! Don't let them drag you down._

xxx

She blinked and frowned. Through the leaves, rays of sunlight warmed her face and she yawned. The world seemed warmer, more inviting, not that dark and empty anymore… And she clearly wasn't at the Anduin anymore.

„What the…?"

She sat up and noted sheets falling to the ground. She was laying in a definitely too large bed, next to her a small table. White sheets had been stretched around the mattress and she wore an equally white, long and simple gown. Something was way wrong. Or at least different than normally. She grabbed one of the elegantly wrapped ropes, pulling it. The curtains glided apart and she jumped backwards. In front of her were white stairs, wrapped around the tree trunk… that alone wouldn't be that bad, if it hadn't been for the dozens of meters between the tree-house and the ground. "Oh, shit." How about a sign? 'Warning: Abyss' or something. And where was everyone? Or at least someone. Thranduil.

Carefully, she stepped down the stairs, grateful for the handrail on the outer-side. At least, she wouldn't fall down… well, unless she didn't behave like a total fool. Halfway down, she stopped and looked around. She was in… yeah, where? The trees were giant, way larger than anything she'd ever seen before. And everywhere steps and stairs wound up the trunks, to houses out of white wood and glass, surrounded by golden leaves glowing in the sun. She had never seen anything like that. There was no way to compare this to Thranduil's gorgeous halls. Whether this was more beautiful? Maybe… in any way to was different. Unbelievably impressive in its beauty.

She padded down the stairs and looked around. Somebody had to be here. People… elves… anyone? Leo? Quietly, she climbed down the last steps, until the moss beneath her feet tickled her ankles. It felt wonderful. Silently, she sighed. Thranduil wasn't here, Leo was nowhere to be seen. For a few minutes, she looked around in awe, before finally turning left. No one was here, everything was quiet… apparently, she needed to rely on herself right now. Someone seemed to have washed her and changed her clothes, however; she was still craving a proper bath. To scrub off the touch, the feeling still lingering on her skin… she shook her head. Not now. Later. She'd think about it later.

 _„Le ant amin tu?"_

She flinched and turned around, looking into a pair of ebony eyes. Behind her stood an ellon, whose equally black hair was fastened in a simple ponytail. He was clad in earth-coloured tunics and trousers, wearing a quiver on his back. Maybe he had just returned from a hunting trip. Rai, who by now was at least able to understand a few basic sentences and phrases, hesitated for a moment, before she nodded. Yes, she could use help. After all, she didn't even know where she was!

 _„Le quena i'lambe tel' Eldalie?"_

Rai pointed at her ears and nodded, before making a vague gesture with her hands. Then, she pointed at her mouth and shook her head, since she was able to understand the elven language -at least this one- a little, but was unable to speak it.

The ellon nodded, seemingly unimpressed by her trouble of communication. She attempted to ask about Thranduil, however, was interrupted by her grumbling stomach. When was the last time she had eaten? How long had she been here, after all?

 _„Malia ten' vasa a yulna?"_

This time, understanding him was harder and the elf needed to repeat his question more slowly and pointed at his stomach, for her to be able to understand him. He was asking whether she was hungry, she guessed -or at least something like that. Carefully, she nodded. Something to eat would be nice, she really was hungry. The elf motioned for her to follow him, however; she hesitated. What if… No. She clenched her eyes shut and shook her head way too hard. No. Elves were different. None of them was keen to… No. She wouldn't think about it, mustn't think about it. Elves and humans were totally different in that aspect. Elves only had sex if they loved- and they only ever loved once. Exceptions underlined the rule, after all, she noted dryly, when Thranduil's face flashed up in her mind, smiling mockingly.

The elf had noticed her movements and turned around, tilting his head. Rai shook her head and followed him. On their way, every now and then, he attempted to explain something, but she didn't understand most of what he was talking about, as her knowledge of Sindarin was way too weak. Thus, she simply nodded and smiled politely, whenever he talked. Something about the trees… and the river? No, not the river. Something else she didn't understand, but it still sounded similar. Finally, he offered her to go first and after a few moments, she noted they were standing in front of one of the tree-houses. She entered… only to meet the stunned face of an elleth. Embarrassed, she stepped aside, making place for the ellon behind her to enter.

Finally, she pointed at herself. "Rai," she introduced and the ellon seemed surprised to hear her talk. Did he think she was mute?

„Galadhram," he introduced himself, and gestured at the elleth. "Amirthil." Rai wasn't sure whether they were lovers or siblings and didn't know how to ask.

 _„Minno,"_ Amirthil offered and Rai entered (at least she hoped the elleth just had offered that). The two elves talked to each other once more and Rai looked around. The inside of the tree-house was just as white and glowing as the outside.

Galdhram turned to her again and asked something, however; she didn't even have the slightest idea what he was referring to, aside from getting something about bread. Her answer consisted of a rather unintelligent blink. Amirthil scolded him and even though she didn't understand a word, she had to chuckle slightly. The elleth shooed her to a chair, cutting open a fresh loaf of bread, before adding a bowl of fruit, a jug of milk and even some marmalade, butter and cheese. The two elves encouraged her to serve herself, before taking a seat next to her.

 _„Man sad uduleg?"_ Amirthil made sure to speak very slowly and clearly and Rai chuckled. It was the very same sentence Thranduil had taught Nihal. Still… How was she supposed to answer? It seemed to be such a simple question and still, she didn't have an answer. Where was she from? Mordor? Mirkwood? Finally, she sighed and shrugged. She just didn't know. She had no answer.

Shocked, the two elves looked at each other. Finally, Galdhram forced a smile upon his lips and offered her the small bowl filled with marmalade. She took a little and after a while, the elleth hesitatingly asked something she didn't understand. Apparently, her blank face was answer enough, since the elleth frowned and after a few moments started to gesticulate, until Rai finally caught up to what she was referring to: Why was she here? However, that just brought a bunch of new problems she had no answer to, since she didn't even know where she actually was. And where the hell was Thranduil?


	27. Chapter 26 - What I have done

**I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin**

 **I must confess that I feel like a monster**

 **I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun**

 **I must confess that I feel like a monster**

\- Skillet, Monster

xxx

Pointing at one of the giant trees, Galdhram explained something Rai didn't even get half of. What she understood was that apparently, the elves in this forest lived in houses they crafted among the trees… and something about cheese. Probably.

He took another deep breath, attempting to explain something else, when Rai stopped. She didn't understand much again besides something about boots… and a hairbrush, but the voice she recognised was way more important anyway. It was… "Thranduil!"

The conversation stopped and a moment later, the Elvenking stepped forward from between the trees, next to him an ellon who was even taller than him. She'd probably look like a dwarf next to him -not that she had even seen one of them actually. "Rai?" She made a face at the king's surprised question. Who else? "Where the hell have you been?", she asked accusingly.

„I thought you sleeping." The answer was as simple as it was honest, but still didn't exactly manage to soothe her.

„I woke up and nobody was there," she explained, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I went downstairs, looking for you… or Leo… anyone. And then, Galdhram picked me up." She made a vague gesture towards the ellon, who had retreated a few steps, uncertain about the rather unexpected turn of events.

Thranduil kept quiet for a moment. "Narethin had order to guard the stairs, in case you were to wake up. You did not meet him?" She blinked. "Narethin? No, I didn't see him. There was no one on the stairs. I know because I nearly fell down." She frowned, before remembering the second elf and offering her hand. "I'm Rai," she introduced herself -more than a little embarrassed. The ellon smiled warmly. "It is my pleasure to finally meet you, Rai. My name is Celeborn."

„Oh…" She blinked, finally catching up. „Then… This is Lórien?", she asked and Celeborn nodded. „Indeed it is, my child. Concerning the last incidents-" „I don't want to talk about it!" She looked aside. "Not now." Way too harsh, she shook her head.

„Of course. Forgive me."

She nodded, before frowning a little. "If Narethin wasn't with me, where-" " _Aran nín! Aran nín!"_

„Found him," Rai stated dryly, as the dark-haired servant sprinted down the path to his king. Thranduil turned around and Narethin started explaining, heavily gesturing and way too fast, making it impossible for her to even understand a single word. "Narethin-" Offering his Lord no chance to cut in, the servant started babbling again and Rai sighed behind Thranduil's back. Celeborn merely seemed amused, whereas Rai shook her head and Narethin didn't even stop to catch his breath. He probably feared murder the second he stopped talking.

Finally, she stepped forward and sighed. "Hold on a minute, would you?"

Apparently, exactly this was what Narethin had done way too little during his monologue, since his face coloured in a rather unhealthy shade of red. "Don't you dare fainting again," she threatened.

„I am so sorry, _brennil nín_! Forgive me! You seemed to have left the _talan_ , when I relieved myself and-" "Too much information." Rai lifted her hands. "What happened? How long am I here already? And where's Leo?" She had been asking herself these questions since she had woken up, however had been unable to ask Galdhram.

„You are not mad with me?", Narethin peeped and Rai sighed. "You're not my Babysitter, are you? Besides, Galdhram took care of me… Well, I didn't even get half the stuff he was talking about but I'd still like to thank him and his wife for taking me in." Celeborn turned towards the ellon, telling him something she didn't understand -as usual. It sounded different… like another language. Rai sighed inwardly and waved, as the ellon retreated with a deep bow. After hesitating for a moment, he shyly waved back and disappeared beneath the trees. Rai turned to the two elves again. Their kinship was quite obvious, if one cared to look a little closer. Both shared the same brightly blonde hair, even though Thranduil's was even lighter in shade. Both of them were exceptionally tall, Celeborn towering even higher than his cousin.

„Where's Leo?", she finally repeated her question.

„The _Fell_ is on the hunt," the Lord of Lothlórien answered. "He left the Golden Wood for the time being."

She sighed. She would've liked to talk to him, but he couldn't really help his stomach, if… „How long did I sleep?"

„For three days and their nights."

She flinched at the answer. Three days. That… was bad news. „Shit."

„That seems to sum it up, does it not," the Elvenking stated and she sighed, roughly rubbing her face, before gifting Celeborn a crocked grin. "I guess that's not the way you imagined this meeting, is it?"

„Neither my beloved Lady, nor myself bore any expectations," Celeborn soothed. "However, the light upon our meeting indeed is a dark one."

„Well… I guess I kept you waiting long enough, did I?", Rai finally asked, yet the Lord calmly declined yet again. "You are amiss," he deemed and she chuckled shortly. "I guess, if elves do have something, it's time. If that's the case…" She looked down on her white dress, "Can I change? I promise I'll be quick."

xxx

"She suffers."

„She suppresses." Thranduil watched the trees. "I will not push her. I do not delude myself, Celeborn. Were she one of us, she would fare in Mandos already. Maybe, fate is even more cruel this way."

Before Celeborn was able to answer, another voice carried to them. "But… They are not to be bound that way…" „I don't care, Narethin. It's more comfortable like this."

Silently, Thranduil sighed and Celeborn chuckled quietly.

Rai appeared beneath the trees, forcing a nearly reluctant smile to lift the king's lips. All the dresses and robes Galadriel and Celeborn had offered her and she had chosen the simplest of silver tunics and breeches, along with a pair of boots she had only tied half way up. He had been certain she would refuse the dresses, deeming them either uncomfortable or impractical.

With a deep bow, Narethin retreated and gratefully, Rai took Thranduil's offered hand, before looking around. White lights shone above the glade, in whose middle a large table had been set up. Celeborn and another incredible beautiful elf -it had to be Galadriel, his wife- waited next to the chairs.

Rai covered her eyes. „A little less bright?", she asked. Even though the light was wonderfully warm, she rarely saw anything besides its blinding shine. It felt different from her first meeting with Radagast. A less blinding kind of white, much softer, warmer… but still, she couldn't really see anything.

Slowly, the light ebbed off and Rai blinked. The white dress reflected the remaining rays and she was able to make out the Lady's face. A little overwhelmed, she blinked. "Do I have to do anything? When I first met Thranduil, I yelled at him… wasn't that much of a good idea, even though he deserved it."

The Lady of Light simply smiled. "I welcome you in Lothlórien, child of twilight. You have gone a long way indeed." It was obvious she wasn't referring to the way up here from Ithilien and Rai gave a crocked grin. "A few signs would've been nice." Since Galadriel's elegant fingers were still on the back of her husband's hand, Rai passed offering her own as she introduced herself. "I'm Rai," she offered. "And I'm sorry for these… circumstances." The last part was uttered quietly and Galadriel's face turned grievous. "Unanswered love may bring forth the most cruel of flowers," she stated and Rai smiled bitterly. "That's life," she noted. "It waits, until you think things finally get better… just to prove you wrong."

The Lady stepped forward and her slim hand caressed her cheek. A warm wave filled her and involuntarily, Rai shuddered -whether it was comfort or unease, she was unable to say. _Yet not even Sauron may claw wounds, answered love shall not heal in time._ The words echoed in her mind, surrounded by golden light, and even though the warmth they carried melted the ice within her, she still grit her teeth. Whenever someone had messed with her mind in the past, the results had been anything but pleasurable.

„I don't belong anywhere." It was a simply statement, noted without any bitterness. „I am wanted by the one I hate and those whom I wish to belong to despise me. Neither side is responsible for me. I shouldn't even exist." She shrugged. „I won't illusion myself. It only hurts later on."

„The twilight alone connects the day's warming light and the night's soothing darkness. Is its place not rather within both at the very same time?" Galadriel's palm rested on her cheek again and Rai shuddered once more. However, apparently the Lady of Light had noticed her previous discomfort, refraining from another nonverbal experience. "Does its right to exists perish, merely because its parts of the day is doomed to be the shortest?"

Rai sighed heavily. She wanted to believe these words, believe there was a place for her, somewhere in this world… No matter how small.

„At times, the place we belong to finds us, no matter our own search for it… However, one needs to recognise it for what it is."

Rai blinked. She really didn't like people sniffing in her head. Yet before she was able to complain, Celeborn offered her a seat on the opulently set table.

xxx

„ _Is it the looks? The certainty of having an immortal lover, who will never age and grow old?"_

 _No. No, it wasn't. As if something that trivial even interested her in the slightest! What did it matter? The only thing she was sure of, was…_

" _If you decided to sell yourself to him, even though he mutilated and imprisoned you, feels nothing for you… Then I have even more right to claim you."_

She screamed and the metallic taste of blood filled her mouth, as she jerked awake. Way too slowly, her eyes got used to the darkness and she roughly rubbed her face. A nightmare… just a nightmare. No… No nightmare. She had… Mirak did… She hid her face in her hands. The feeling of rough fingers lingered on her skin, where it didn't belong. Dirty… Disgusting. On her, _inside_ her… She tossed aside the blanket and rushed out of her bed. Washing. She had to wash herself. Needed to get rid of the fingers who still claimed her; having left dark bruises on her skin. She stumbled down the stairs, between the trees. Washing… She had seen a spring somewhere, she remembered. Disgusting. She was disgusting. Dirty, used, betra- there! She padded into the cold water, the white nightgown clinging to her body. She didn't know how long she stayed inside, it might have been minutes, it could have been hours, maybe something in between. She was freezing but she didn't dare leaving. The hands and fingers would still linger on her skin, as soon as the icy water wouldn't numb her body anymore. Mirak. Her brother, Mirak… heavy sobs finally broke free and she went on her knees, the water rising all the way to her throat.

At some point, the cold had forced its way to her bones and she forced herself to climb out of the water.

The freezing air cut into her icy skin, nearly bringing her to her knees. So very cold… She wrapped her arms around her body, a futile attempt to warm herself, since her skin was way too cold to offer warmth. Her teeth clattered harshly and for a moment she wondered whether someone was watching her, before she remembered it didn't actually matter. It couldn't be far anymore. Somewhere over… there. She padded up the stairs, her naked feet leaving ugly stains on the white wood.

The curtains stuck to her dripping wet hair as she entered the _talan_. It was ample and spacious, the white wood glooming in the moonlight. The floor was covered by a wonderfully woven silken carpet and the large bed was covered in white sheets. Brightly blonde hair rested on the pillows; wide open and crystal-blue eyes watching places she couldn't imagine. Quietly, she padded closer, clumsily climbing the bed. He blinked once, his gaze clearing, as he harshly turned around. "Rai?"

She shook her head and crawled deeper into the mattress, before curling into a tight ball, head resting on his chest. Carefully, his arms wrapped around her waist and she hid her face even closer to his skin. She shivered, as the night's cold forced its way through her soaked nightgown. Her cheeks burned from the soreness the salt of her tearstains had left behind. He pulled one of the sheets tightly around her shivering body, tucking her in. Water dripped into the fabric.

It might have been a mere moment that passed between them, it might have been hours. Thranduil didn't move, while she sobbed soundlessly on his chest. Merely his fingers caressed her back, travelling up and down her spine in a soothing, calming rhythm. Almost numbing. And at some point, the words finally came.

„Are you disgusted?" She kept talking, giving him no chance to answer. „I am. And no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it won't go away. It's always there… that feel. Weak. Sick. Used. And everyone knows. That's the worst. They know and they look at me. And I know what they see is-" „Strength." Thranduil didn't pause his caressing. "It is strength they see. Us _eledhrim_ do not even have a word for your martyrdom. No crime is greater, no misdeed more cruel than this one might be." Rai opened her mouth, however the finger that gently covered her lips interrupted her, before she was even able to start. "Do you know what happens, if an _eldar_ faces such wrath?" Since Thranduil's finger still covered her lips, she silently shook her head. "Our _fae_ would leave this world, fleeing our body and seeking Mandos' halls. Our kin is unable to survive such violence. Yet you-"

„I didn't have a choice." Sie refused to raise her eyes. "I couldn't just… disappear. Die. There was no way out for me… all I could've have done was afterwards-" "And still you are here." His palm gently stroke her wet hair. "And still you are here," he repeated. „You might have left Arda as well. And yet you decided to stay." Something touched her hairline and she sobbed when she realised he had gently kissed her hair.

„I feel so unbelievingly used… and betrayed." Again, tears dropped down her face. "Everyone looks at me and I can see the pity in their eyes. But they don't understand… no one does. And nobody dares to talk of it." Not even Galdhrem. He and his wife had returned from Rivendell a few hours before she woke, they hadn't known whom it was they had invited into their house… and now she had seen it in their eyes as well: Pity… and it had felt like a punch to the guts.

"Do you wish to hear a tale?", he asked so suddenly, it took her a moment to answer. "A tale?", she asked, completely taken aback, and felt his breath on her cheek, as he answered. "You once asked what it is, that has happened to Legolas' mother… The tale is neither happy nor short, yet if you wish… I shall tell you."


End file.
